The Nurturer
by Grissom1
Summary: Sara and Grissom have parted ways but can they stay apart. GSR as always; I wouldn't write anything else!
1. Chapter 1

**The Nurturer**

"Maybe they were suffocating each other," he said.

She felt as if the air had been knocked from her lungs but she recovered quickly sending back her own barb which caused him to flee the room. It had been this way for weeks. It seemed they had been trying to tell one another something but not getting to the point. This last statement sent a message loud and clear to Sara.

She told herself she could live with the occasional invite to his home in which more hours were spent in bed rather than sitting and talking and doing things together. She had told herself she could even live with the secrecy. She was a private person and was not the type to kiss and tell. She had told herself she could even live with his moodiness. He seemed to be distant at times and as soon as she tried to give him space, they would find themselves once again writhing between the sheets. The sex was good. It was better than anything she had ever imagined. He was exactly what she imagined…well, almost.

She had resigned herself to take whatever he would offer without complaint until that morning she woke and realized that everything had changed. Their secret would soon be known to all and their current relationship would no longer be the same. Their entire lives changed just because of the lines on a plastic stick.

It had completely taken her off guard and she wondered how it could have happened. He had been responsible for the birth control. He had from the beginning not asking if she were on birth control pills. She wasn't but he had never asked and she often wondered if perhaps it was another one of his fears or his need to be in control.

_You were in control…._

_You were responsible…_

She had intended to tell him so many times but their conversations led to other things and she found herself putting it off until one day she dropped by to talk with him and found his leave request partially completed on the counter. She knew something was wrong the moment he opened the door and seemed hesitant to let her in. She felt a feeling of dread wash over her and for a moment thought perhaps he was not alone because he directed her to the kitchen while he scurried toward the bedroom closing the door and then returning.

She glanced back and the bedroom door remained closed. She took it to mean there would be no romp in the bed later. She didn't much care. She had not been feeling well since the moment she took the pregnancy test and knew that it was nerves. One glance and she saw the leave request. He did not try to hide it like the bedroom. As he made coffee, she found herself looking out the back deck.

She had spent hours and hours working in the flower garden. It was a project they had both enjoyed. The rose bush would soon be in bloom. He had told her it would never live. She had insisted on buying it that day at the nursery and the owner had practically given it to her telling her the same. She had nursed the plant slowly back to life and now it was vibrant and beautiful. She had been looking forward to seeing it in full bloom. She quickly swiped away a tear that threatened.

_I'm suffocating you…_

_You've grown tired of me…._

_You're leaving…_

_Me…_

His words returned and her mind quickly ran through all of their cryptic conversations these past few weeks and she realized he had been trying to tell her that it was over. He had taken the chance and let her in. It was all she ever wanted. She could not ask anything more. He had tried. He did not want her. He did not love her. She felt the air slowly leave her lungs and she knew that she must leave before she crumbled from the truth that had been staring her in the face all these weeks.

"I uhm have to go," she said as she hurried to the room ignoring the coffee cups that he held in his hand.

"Sara…"

"It's fine…I get it," she said as she felt her hand turning the door knob. He quickly set the coffee cups down intending to explain his behavior these past few weeks but when he turned she was gone.

She sat there in the break room with the cup of tea firmly in her grasp. She did not trust her grip these days. Things seemed to slip from her fingers and come crashing to the floor. Her best coffee cups were in the trash. The first two she had thrown when she returned that day as she had let herself fall apart. A few had slipped from her grasp when she rushed to the bathroom the moment the nausea hit.

She had been listening to the rumors all morning. She knew he was going. She had seen the leave request days ago. She did not remember the dates. She did not wish to know. Just knowing that he would be gone soon was enough to send her emotions in overdrive. The hormones did not help. She had been grateful she had managed to avoid him these past several days. It had given her enough time to put her guard back up.

"I heard he's not coming back," said Nick.

"Griss would tell us," said Warrick. "He wouldn't leave without telling us."

"Men like him don't say goodbye," said Nick.

_Men like him…._

_There are no men like him…_

_I'll never find someone else like him…._

_I'll never love anyone like him…_

_He never told me he loved me…_

_I told him…_

_I loved him…_

_It's what caused him to become so distant…_

_Why did I have to tell him?_

_He knew I wanted more…his love…_

_He didn't…_

_I have more…._

_His child…_

"Sara?"

She looked up to see Nick sitting across from her.

"Hmmm?"

"You okay?" he asked.

"Sorry…did you say something?"

"Has Grissom said anything to you? Do you know where he's going?"

"Why would I know?" she asked getting up and pouring out the tea. She turned and felt the cup slip from her hand sending it crashing to the floor.

"Whoa someone's had too much caffeine," said Warrick.

She stood there staring at the broken glass. It had been her favorite cup. He had gotten it for her as a welcoming gift her first day at the lab.

"Sara?"

She looked up the moment she felt the hand on her arm.

"You okay?" Nick asked once more.

"Yes," she managed to get out as she knelt down and began picking up the glass.

"I'll help," said Nick.

She stood now holding the larger pieces in her hand.

"Your favorite?" he asked.

"I've had it ever since I started working here," she said.

"Wow….and no one stole it? I've gone through three or four myself," said Nick.

Grissom stepped into the break room and stopped the moment he saw the broken pieces in her hand.

"Mishap?" he asked.

She would have jumped had it not been for Nick leaning so close into her body. She used him as a shield.

"No…some things just don't last…do they?" she said as she avoided eye contact as she dropped the pieces into the garbage can and left.

He had not been prepared for that. Her sudden departure the other day had caused him to sit down and reassess his entire situation. He had intended to invite her over for dinner to explain the sudden sabbatical. He had promised a year ago to fill in and had forgotten about it. He could have gotten out of it but he felt the distance and the separation would help them.

He wasn't sure why he had been pulling away.

That wasn't exactly true.

She had uttered those three little words after a bout of lovemaking and it had scared the hell out of him. She loved him. That was not the scary part. The scary part was that he had loved her the moment he had met her in San Francisco. He had wanted more from their relationship but he did not know how that was possible. They had already violated department rules. Their entire relationship was difficult at best.

He had intended to use the time to figure out a way out of the mess. He wanted Sara. He wanted more than secrets and crumpled sheets that were warm only for a few hours. He wanted her in his bed all the time but lately they seemed to be at odds with one another.

The phone calls ended.

The visits between shifts ended.

The quiet talks in the lab ended.

Even the cryptic messages had stopped until this evening.

He wasn't prepared for the hug from Nick and the declaration that he was not coming back. He whirled around now and wondered if that was what she thought.

_I'm coming back…_

_I would never leave…_

He planned to talk with her.

He intended to tell her he would be back.

He intended to tell her that he would miss her.

He intended to tell her so many things but he was not prepared for those chances to be taken from him the moment the shift began. They were not prepared for the multiple car pileup resulting in several deaths. They hurried along trying to beat the rain from washing away the evidence. As the hours passed, he saw his opportunity slipping away. He glanced at his watch and knew his flight would be leaving soon.

_I can't leave like this…_

_I haven't told her…_

_I need to tell her…_

Sara sealed the evidence bag and glanced up as she felt the first drop of rain. She glanced around and cursed. She knew he was leaving. She had intended to tell him so many things.

_I'm pregnant…_

_I want this baby…_

_I want you to be happy…_

_I want you to be a part of the baby's life…_

_You don't have to love me…_

_Just be a father…_

She felt her stomach lurch when she saw him talking with Brass. She felt her chest tighten as she watched them shake hands.

He was leaving.

It was time to go.

He had not even bothered to say goodbye.

_Maybe the rumors are true…_

_He's not coming back…_

_He wants to get as far away from me as possible…_

She glanced up once more and their eyes met.

She had hoped he would come to her.

He had hoped she would come to him.

The rain began to pour and she returned to her job. When she glanced up again he was gone. She let the tears drop telling herself no one would know with the rain. It felt good to release them.

She was soaked.

They sat in the break room waiting for the coffee. She sneezed and Nick glanced at her.

"You should get out of those wet clothes," he said.

"Nick, it's still raining. As soon as we leave, we're going to get wet," she said.

"Not if you use an umbrella," he said.

_I don't have an umbrella…._

_It's at Grissom's…_

_Along with my favorite running shoes…_

_My chamomile tea…_

_My best pair of sweats…_

"I misplaced it," she said sneezing again.

"You can use mine," he said. "Get changed. I'll save you a cup of coffee."

She returned shortly and sat down.

He slid the coffee cup across to her.

She smiled when she saw the cup.

"I picked it up at the diner…a new cup for new memories," said Nick.

"Thanks Nick."

"Want to tell me what's bothering you?" he asked.

"Nothing."

"As Brass would say, that's bullshit."

She sipped on the coffee and felt the contents of her stomach threaten to make an appearance. He sat there and watched her face turn pale green.

"You don't look good," he said.

She said nothing afraid that she would lose the inner battle with her stomach.

"Sick?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Let's get you home," he said.

She felt herself being pulled up. She did not protest as she tried to calm her stomach.

She was surprised when he opened his car door and shoved her in. He quickly jumped behind the driver's wheel.

"Green is not your color," he said. "I'll take you home and swing by tomorrow to get you."

She nodded.

She was in no condition to argue.

She had not intended to fall asleep but the short nap seemed to help. She got out of the vehicle and fumbled for her keys and was surprised when he took them from her and unlocked the door.

"Thanks Nick," she said. She stepped inside and glanced down when she felt her shoes step into water.

She groaned.

He quickly looked inside. "This isn't good," he said as he stared at the water damage.

They were soon met with the superintendant.

"Upstairs apartment flooded. The nut turned on the water in the bathtub and left it. It's been running for over eight hours."

Sara stared at the apartment.

"You can't stay here," said Nick. "Get some things….you can stay with me."

"I uhm need to move some of this stuff..." she sneezed.

"Later. You're sick. We'll come back later," he said.

She slipped into the bedroom and pulled some things together. She quickly went into the bathroom and grabbed her prenatal vitamins tossing them into the bag and then returned to the living room to find him standing there staring at a box that sat on the couch.

Their eyes met.

"What?" she asked.

He handed her the note from the box.

_Sara,_

_You left these at the house. I thought you would need them._

_Grissom._

She looked at the contents of the box and then at Nick. Some secrets were hard to keep.

Note from author:

Well, I guess that means Nick knows about their relationship. What do you think will happen next? Good to be back posting again. I've missed everyone. Leave a review!

Take care,

Penny


	2. Chapter 2

C**hapter Two:**

He said nothing as he made sandwiches while she sat curled up on the couch with a blanket wrapped around her. She had been quiet the entire trip to his place and said nothing when he offered her the bed but she chose the couch instead.

She yawned.

"Just a quick snack," he said.

They sat there now eating the snack. He glanced once or twice and wanted to ask so many questions but he didn't. He finished his off quickly but she sat there and nibbled.

"Don't like it? I can fix you something else?" he offered.

She glanced at him. "Crackers?"

He searched and found a box of saltines. He took a pack and brought them to her.

He was quiet for a moment before asking, "Better?"

She nodded.

"Sara?"

She looked at him.

"You know you can talk with me about anything…I'm a good listener…I won't tell anyone."

"Not now," she whispered.

"You sure you don't want the bed?" he asked.

She shook her head.

He left her alone.

She lay there now letting the tears fall as she tried to make sense of the mess she had gotten herself into. She would have to leave. It was the best thing to do. She could return to San Francisco and perhaps get a job with her old boss. He had been angry when she left. She hoped after all these years, he would not hold a grudge. She did not know her tears had turned to sobs until he was there flicking on the small lamp and pulling her into his arms. She accepted the kindness.

"You two fight?" he asked.

She said nothing.

"Sara...how far along are you?" he asked. He felt her body become stiff and he rubbed her back.

"I have sisters…I know the signs…the tiredness, the moodiness, the unsteady hands, nausea near food or aromas."

He felt her sobs return and he held her.

"Does he know?"

"No. I uhm tried to tell him but then he left."

"You have to tell him."

"I tried."

"Try harder."

"We haven't been getting along. He said I was suffocating him so I gave him some space. The next thing I know he's leaving. I think I should do the same….resign…go back to San Francisco."

"You can't do that," he said. "You have friends here. What's in San Francisco?"

_No one…_

_That's not exactly true…_

_There's Thomas and Ben…_

_I loved Thomas like a father but he never forgave me for leaving…_

_Ben loved me…_

_I didn't want Ben…_

_I just wanted Grissom…_

_He doesn't want me…_

Her silence told him the answer.

"He's coming back," he said.

"You don't know that."

Nick scowled. He had always looked up to the man until now. Right now, he wanted to throttle him.

"Love sucks," he said pulling her back with him onto the couch.

She looked at him.

"I thought you and Mandy…"

"We split up. She got cold feet when I took her to meet my parents. She's been burned before…I think she doesn't want a commitment. You know years ago if you asked me if I wanted to settle down I would have laughed. I never saw myself settling down until now…I wanted to settle down with Mandy but she wanted no part of it."

"I'm sorry…I know how much it hurts to be rejected…" she began to cry again. He pulled her tighter and kissed her on the forehead.

"Let's try to get some sleep. We'll see what we can salvage from your apartment before shift," he said.

He was surprised when he woke to find that she was already gone. She left a note thanking him but had called a cab and gone back to the lab to get her car and work on her apartment. He cursed as he hurried to shower and dress.

He tapped at the door to find several boxes sitting outside the door. He practically ran into her carrying a box.

"Stop!" he yelled.

"I've got to get this done…the mildew will ruin it if I don't." she said.

"Fine…then let us help," he said.

"Us?"

"I called Greg and Warrick. They're on their way," he said.

She smiled. "Thanks Nick. I didn't realize how much stuff I had until I began boxing it up."

"No lifting. We'll do that," he said.

She nodded.

They cleared the apartment slowly. Greg grabbed the phone and unplugged it before he realized it had been flashing. He glanced at her but did not bother to tell her. He knew the message would be erased but figured the person would call back.

They spent the next several hours clearing out the apartment.

"Superintendant says the water damage is extensive and the drywall will have to be replaced. It will be months before you can move back in. Looks like your stay just got extended," he said with a smile.

"I can get a hotel room until…"

"You can stay with me," offered Greg with a huge smile.

"She's staying with me," said Nick.

Greg frowned.

The last of her things were placed in storage and now they sat there in the diner.

"Thanks guys," she said yawning.

"Did you get any sleep?" asked Nick.

"Some," she said. She gripped the table the moment the food was placed in front of them. She made a hasty retreat to the bathroom.  
"What's wrong with her?" asked Greg.

"She just had her apartment waterlogged losing most of her things and we have Catherine for a boss until Grissom decides if he's coming back. Do you have to ask?" said Nick.

"See what you mean. I would have been pissed if I lost as much as she did," he said.

Nick stared at Greg and wondered if there was more to his statement than what he was letting on.

She returned shortly and picked up the toast.

"Call in sick," he said.

"Oh that would go over well with the new boss…first night and I don't show up," said Sara.

"Catherine's not going to be so bad," said Warrick.

"That's because you like her," said Greg.

Warrick frowned but said nothing.

"Look, you have a legitimate excuse. Your apartment is a swamp right now," he said.

"Thanks for reminding me, Nicky."

She worked anyway needing the diversion. Hours turned into days followed by weeks and she remained at Nick's. They had fallen into a routine. They took turns with dinner. Sara took over the duties of housecleaning. It was a task he gladly gave up. Laundry was still a joint affair. Neither mentioned Grissom. No one had heard from him. Nick had even tried to pump information from Brass but he had remained adamant that he had not heard from the man either. If it bothered her, she said nothing focusing on getting through the morning sickness and trying to decide what plan of action she should take.

"My things are already packed," she said one day after shift.

"Your apartment is not going to be ready for several more weeks," said Nick.

"Nick, I think I'm going to call and see if there's anything available in San Francisco."

"Wait…wait until the six weeks are up…his leave request was for six weeks."

"He's not coming back," she said.

"You don't know that," he said.

She stared down at her lap knowing that her secret could not be hidden forever.

"I'm going to be showing soon," she said. "People will talk…they'll put two and two together…I think I should leave."

"Give it a few more weeks."

She did.

She felt herself hoping he would return but when the six weeks came and went, she spiraled into a depression.

It was finished.

They were finished.

He had broken her heart.

Catherine yelled at the poor reception.

"Grissom…where the hell are you?"

"I'm in the commons area…too many students," he yelled.

"You're overdue," she said.

"There's been a problem...gotten in a mess…never should have gotten involved with her…not coming back….I'm stuck…Catherine?"

The line went dead and she fumed.

Grissom tried again but knew the reception was poor. He had already packed his things and was ready to come home when his friend and colleague had invited him over for dinner and drinks. He thought it was to say goodbye but then he sat there and listened as his friend told him about his affair with a student and how his wife had walked out. His marriage was in shambles and he needed to go back east to try to work things out and persuade her to come back.

He wanted no part of the sordid mess but then his friend had broken down in tears and told him he stood to lose his tenure if he did not find a suitable replacement while he was away. He agreed. He agreed for a few more weeks. It was what he was trying to tell Catherine. He hoped he had gotten the message across as he ran his fingers through his hair.

He missed her.

He had missed her with every ounce of his being.

He had wanted nothing more than to come home to her.

He knew she was still angry.

He had called and tried to explain things but she had never returned his call.

He had tried to write but he could not find the words to express how much he loved her.

He feared she no longer loved him.

They sat there in the break room when Catherine stepped inside.

"Listen, Grissom called," she said.

Nick glanced at Sara.

"When's the boss man coming back?" asked Warrick.

"He's not."

Sara felt the walls closing in around her. His hand gently squeezed hers under the table.

"Why the hell not?" yelled Nick.

"Something about getting involved with someone and it was a mistake. I think he was referring to Lady Heather. I can't think of anyone else he would get involved with," said Catherine as she turned and headed toward the door. "I'm going to personnel…if you need anything, I'll be with Ecklie."

Sara quickly got up and headed toward the locker room. He quickly grabbed her hand.

"Sara…"

"Don't, Nick. I knew it…I just hoped…" she swiped at her eyes.

"What are you going to do?" he asked.

"I'm resigning," she said.

Note from author:

It's good to see reviews in my inbox again. I am such a junky. I've really enjoyed your comments as always. Some have asked how long and once again I have to say, I have no clue since by posting this I am forced to write an ending! It seems I love to write the stories but can't seem to bring myself to finish any of them until I post. LOL Anyway, sit back and enjoy. As soon as the reviews are posted, I will release another chapter. I have already written thirty chapters so I hope this gives you an idea of how long it is. I plan to release two chapters per day so send the reviews quickly so we can move along!

Take care,

Penny


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three:**

It had been years since she had heard his voice but she recognized it as soon as he answered.

"Hey," she said.

"Sara?" asked Ben Foster.

"That's me," she said.

"This is uncanny. I was just thinking about you. In fact, I was trying to locate your phone number."

"Small world," she said softly as she swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Listen, Thomas wanted me to contact you about a new position working on high profile cases. Interested?"

"I might be," she said.

"Really? You're serious? I mean we would love to have you back. I'm going to be in Vegas in another day. Could I drop in and explain everything to you?" he asked.

She heard herself saying yes and then it seemed as if there had been no years between them as they talked about old times and how they had learned together under Thomas Parker's wing. Thomas had been a father figure to both when they needed it. Sara seemed the most taken by him not having the loving attention of an elderly man before and he was quick to scold and guide her but yet love and comfort her when she needed it. Thomas was simply more than a boss. He was the father she had never had and she trusted him.

Ben had felt the same way. He had been raised by his mother and she had worked two jobs getting him through school. He had just about finished college when she had been murdered one night at the small convenience store where she had worked. It had devastated Ben. Thomas had taken it upon himself to get the young man a job working at the morgue where he continued until he finished school and then began working as a CSI.

Thomas had protected them both when they needed it. He had shown them the ropes and guided their careers until both were considered two of the best crime scene investigators San Francisco had to offer. Thomas let it be known he was proud of his two students. They were paired up on the same shift with Thomas as their boss. They did little without the direction of Thomas.

She felt nervous seeing her old friend again. They had not parted on the best of terms. Thomas had felt betrayed by Sara's decision to move to Vegas at Grissom's request. Ben had felt the same. He was a handsome young man. He had been smitten the moment they had met and after several dates, he pursued her. She had seemed flattered at first but then Gil Grissom had come to town for the seminar and she decided there could be no one else except Grissom.

She sighed as she let her head rest against the glass window pane in the small booth. She had taken her medicine in hopes she would not embarrass herself by throwing up during dinner. He tapped on the window making her jump and they exchanged smiles.

He had not changed.

Even though he told her she still looked the same, she knew better.

She was never going to be the same after Vegas and Gil Grissom.

She pretended to be interested in the job.

If he had described a janitorial position, she would have jumped at the chance to leave Vegas.

He suddenly stopped talking and stared at her.

"You're not interested are you?" he asked with a frown.

"Actually, I am. I need a job as soon as possible. I can't stay here in Vegas anymore."

"Bad case?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"Bad relationship?" he asked.

She nodded slightly as she tried to smile.

"Sorry, honey," he said taking her hand before she had time to pull away.

"Want me to beat him up before I leave?" he asked.

"Not necessary," she said.

"So, does this mean I can call Thomas and tell him you've accepted?"

"Yes, you can," she said. "But I think I need to be up front with both of you about something."

"You didn't kill anyone, did you?" he asked.

"I'm pregnant," she said.

She waited for his reaction but he did not even flinch.

"Does this mean we get two for the price of one?" he said with a smile.

Her eyes misted and she tried to control the raging hormones.

"I think you should talk with Thomas first. He'll need to understand that I'll be out some. I won't take advantage of the situation…just nine weeks maternity leave. I won't ask for any more time."

"I think we could offer twelve and throw in babysitting," he said.

"Talk with Thomas," she said.

"Sara, he's missed you. He's worked night and day trying to get this position with you in mind."

"What about you?" she asked.

"Supervisor for a couple of years now," he said. "You would report directly to Thomas…not me or any other shift supervisor."

"Talk with him," she said.

She started to get up when he grabbed her arm.

"Wait," he said. "Wait right here."

He disappeared for a moment and then returned.

"Here," he said with a smile on his face.

She took the phone.

"Sara, come home," said a voice.

She swallowed all of the emotions that came with hearing his voice again. She had missed him. She had tried to call him for months after she left but he would never return her phone calls. She was persistent. She sent letters and cards but he did not reply until one day she sent him a card on Father's Day. She wasn't sure why she had done it. She had been in the mall and saw the flurry of people rushing to buy a card and then she realized it was Father's Day. She saw a card that caught her eye and Thomas came to mind.

She quickly plopped down the money and then sent it the next day not expecting to get a response. She received a card a few weeks later. It had come out of the blue. It was a generic post card of San Francisco but on the back he had scribbled a few lines.

_Sara,_

_You can always come home._

_Love,_

_Thomas_

When things had been rough at the lab she would pull out the post card from her poetry book and it would remind her that someone did love her. She remembered how important the post card had meant to her. In the past few years, he had only responded one other time. He had sent a birthday card to her.

"Hi, Thomas. I've missed you."

"Come home, honey. You don't need to be in Vegas anymore. Get on the plane with Ben and come home."

"I have to tie up some things here…a week?" she asked.

"If you're not here in a week, I'll come after you myself. Sara congratulations on the baby. We can work around that. Okay?"

"See you soon," she whispered.

She handed the phone back to Ben who sat there smiling.

"I know of a great apartment complex not far from work. I can get you a great deal," he said.

"Good cause I'm going to need it," she said.

"Consider it done," he said. "Anything else I can help you with?"

"I guess I'll see you in a week," she said.

He leaned over and hugged her before leaving.

"If you need anything, call me."

She sat there and took a deep breath.

She was leaving. She was going back to San Francisco. She was returning to Thomas who had been like a father to her and she would no doubt work with Ben again.

She stood outside the lab that evening and swallowed hard. She was going to miss them. They had become like family to her and now she was returning to another family she had left years ago. She stepped into the locker room and began cleaning out her things. She had already dropped off the resignation letter and she knew Catherine would no doubt have read it by now.

She turned and saw him standing there.

"Don't start, Nick," she said softly. "I've already handed in my resignation. Ben Foster came and we discussed my new position in San Francisco. It's actually a promotion of sorts."

"That's not the answer," he said. "Look you can play the tough card with everyone else but I know you. I hear you crying more than I care to. You deserve better," he said.

"I'm going," she said.

He held her hand. "Come to the diner with me…we can talk."

She sighed.

They found themselves sitting across from one another.

"I appreciate everything you've done, Nick. You're a good friend," she said.

"Marry me."

She spewed the juice.

He quickly handed her a napkin.

"You're kidding, right?"

"No. Marry me….it makes sense. You're pregnant, let's get married."

"No!"

"This will put an end to the rumors."

"No," she said not so forcibly this time.

He took it as a good sign.

"I can help. I want to do this. You don't have to leave. The others will pitch in."

"What about Mandy?"

"It's over."

She bit her lower lip.

"Sara, think about the baby."

She had.

She thought of nothing else.

"Nick, I can't marry you. I can't stay either. I have to go."

"Sara, please…"

He cursed as he watched her leave. He sat there a moment before getting up and leaving. They were unaware of the young woman who had been sitting in the next booth. Mandy swiped at her eyes and then quickly left.

He had been angry all shift but said nothing. She had said her goodbyes to everyone and then returned to Nick's apartment for one last night.

He stood there now as she lay curled up on the couch.

"What do you want to do on our last night together?" he asked.

"Sleep…a nice veggie burger would be good," she said.

"Take a nap and I'll go pick up dinner," he said.

When he returned she was curled up asleep on the couch. He gently nudged her.

"Veggie burger?"

She ate all of it.

He stared at her. "Appetite getting better?"

"Not so much morning sickness now."

"Good. Sara, if you get there and don't like it, you know you can call me and I'll come get you," he said.

"I know," she said softly.

"Bastard should have come back," he said.

"Don't be mad at him. I didn't know how to fix it. I realize now, I couldn't fix it. You can't make yourself love someone. He just didn't love me."

"He's still a bastard," he said.

It had not been easy telling Brass. He had cursed for days and then said little the last two except try to convince her to stay.

"Want to tell me why you're leaving?" asked Brass.

"I wanted a promotion," she said feeling his eyes watching her every move.

"Bullshit."

She said nothing but continued to pack.

"You're leaving because Grissom left."

She sighed setting some books down.

"Jim, I need you to support me in this."

It was her seriousness that caused him to sit down beside her.

"People make mistakes….we try to fix them…it's not always the best solution but….it was the best one at the moment," she said.

"How come you told Nick about the baby and not me?" he asked.

She stared at him.

"You're holding a pregnancy week by week book along with another baby book…much different than that entomology book you just packed away."

She glanced at him.

"You're pregnant."

"Yes."

He stared at her.

She expected him to be angry but he wasn't.

"Taking care of yourself?" he asked.

"I'm trying," she said.

"Don't overdo it."

She nodded.

He turned to leave but stopped.

"Sara?"

She looked at him.

"You deserve to be happy."

He didn't wait for a reply but left quickly.

GSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSR

"I didn't say I wasn't coming back!" Grissom yelled.

"Yes…you did."

"Look, I had a bad connection that day. Personnel called me about my resignation letter. I'm not resigning!"

"Why didn't you come back?"

"I had to help a colleague. He'd got himself in a mess with a student…his wife found out."

Catherine cursed. "Grissom, I'm sorry. I thought you were talking about yourself…Look I'll talk with personnel…."

"How's everything? How is everyone?" he asked suddenly.

"Well, there have been some changes."

"Changes?"

"Sara left."

The pause remained too long.

"Grissom?"

"Sara?"

"Yes…She went back to San Francisco. Grissom?"

"I've got to go," he said.

"I'll talk with personnel."

"I'll do it," he said.

He felt himself crumble.

He had lost her.

No more would he feel her body against his.

He had wanted to tell her those three little words.

He was too late.

He typed up his resignation and faxed it.

It was rejected.

He was sent a form for an indefinite leave of absence.

He signed and returned it.

Note from author:

Don't worry. They won't be apart for long. PLEASE continue to leave a review for each chapter!

Take care,

Penny


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four:**

_He was there with her. She reached out and felt his body. It was warm and gentle and she found herself clinging to him as she felt him enter her. She felt his breath on her skin and it made her want him more. Grissom kissed her tenderly on the lips as he thrust deeper and deeper. The momentum was building and soon they would be falling into the abyss together and she longed to feel the release. It had seemed so long since she had felt it. His head tilted toward hers and once again his breath was mere inches from her lips._

"_Sara?"_

"_Missed you…missed you so much," she whispered. "Don't ever leave me again."_

"_I won't."_

"_I love you Sara."_

"_I love you…I think I've loved you forever." _

_She whimpered as she wrapped her arms about his neck._

"Sara?"

She moaned as she tried to pull him down into the bed.

"Sara!"

The voice registered in her mind and she bolted upright causing him to lose his balance and he fell backwards.

She sat there panting.

It had been too vivid.

She glanced around as if searching for something or someone but there was no one except Ben.

"You overslept again," he said quietly.

"I uhm…" She brushed the hair back from her face. She seemed confused but soon reality jolted her.

It had been a dream.

Grissom was not there.

She was alone.

He had told her he loved her.

She felt an overwhelming sense of sadness overcome her and she burst into tears.

"Bad dream?" he asked worriedly.

"Nightmare," she said.

"You used to have nightmares years ago…same one?" he asked.

"She shook her head, "Much worse."

"I'm sorry," he said trying to take her hand but she pulled away.

He flinched and she noticed.

"I'm sorry. I can't do this Ben. I can't…" she was scrambling out of the bed now and rushing to the bathroom.

It was a routine he had gotten used to.

He waited until she had finished and then handed her the wet washcloth.

"Better?"

She stood but was immediately on her knees again.

He seemed worried now.

She sat down in the floor.

"Let me help you," he offered.

She held out her hand in protest. "Can't move…it'll start again." She was heaving again. He stood there helplessly as she heaved and heaved and then she was gasping for air. Her sides hurt. He hurried from the room and soon returned with some ginger ale and crackers.

"Try these," he said.

She refused.

"You've got to try," he said.

She drank some of the ale and the vomiting began again. She trembled violently as her body revolted with each movement. He was there now in the floor holding her as she clenched her abdomen. She felt the cold washcloth on her forehead and it felt wonderful. She placed her hand there but his hand was holding it firmly in place.

"I've got you," he whispered. "It's going to be okay."

She grabbed his hand and held on to it tightly.

"Don't leave me," she sobbed. "Don't leave me."

"I won't," he said urgently.

She seemed better in a few minutes. He knew she could not stay on the cold floor. He stood slowly and then carried her to the bed. He grabbed a trash can and placed it by the bed.

"Better?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Is it just nausea?"

She waited for a wave of nausea to pass.

"No cramps? No bleeding?"

Her eyes shot open.

He saw the fear in her eyes.

"Sara?"

"Just nausea…I can't lose this baby," she cried. "I just can't. It's all I have left."

"You won't. You just need to rest."

"I have to go over the evidence on the…"

"I'll do it. You're in no condition to work," he said.

"It'll pass," she said. "I think I'm better…" She rose only to have the nausea hit with full force and he was holding her head once again. She gasped between bouts and she doubled over from the force of the retching.

"I'm scared Ben," she whispered.

"Lie still. No moving!"

She did.

"I'll work here…I've got enough to keep me busy. I'm going next door to grab my laptop and make a few phone calls. Don't move. If you need anything, call for me," he said.

He started to walk out but hesitated a moment to look back at her.

"Try to sleep."

She did.

He checked on her from time to time and she still slept.

He managed to get through his paperwork and returned his calls. He then turned his attention on her paperwork and finished as much as he could. He went into her laptop and cleared her email. Next, he checked her voicemail and returned the phone calls. Hours had passed and she still slept.

He glanced at his watch and knew she had not eaten in hours. He knew it was not good for the baby. He gently shook her and she moaned.

She was dreaming again. Her hands sought out his neck and she pulled him down and held him there for a moment. He inhaled deeply and felt his senses reeling. He could not imagine the fool that had let her get away.

"Sara, you need to eat something," he said softly.

She woke and rolled to the side immediately. The retching began again. It continued for several minutes. It was dry heaves and she cried out at the pain in her side.

"Sara, this is not getting better," he said.

"Stomach virus…maybe it's a virus," she said.

"You've got to eat something."

"I can't," she moaned.

"Yes, you can," he said as he slowly pulled her to a sitting position.

She forced herself to eat and then drank the ale.

She seemed better.

"Going to hold it down?" he asked.

"I think I can."

He sighed.

"I'll sit with you for awhile to make sure," he said.

She looked at the clock.

"You're due in court. You have to go," she said.

"I can stay."

"No, you're not!"

He glanced at the clock and then at her.

"Get dressed," she said.

"Call me if you need anything," he said as he hurried to the door.

She vomited as soon as he left the apartment. She grabbed the wash cloth and wiped herself off. He was back in twenty minutes.

"Still okay?" he asked.

"I'm good. Go," she said pointing to the door.

"Did you…"

"No…go!"

He hesitated a moment and then left.

He called in some favors to get bumped up the docket. He didn't care. He needed to get home. He had been gone for five hours. He hurried into the room and began to panic when he found her in the floor.

"Sara?"

"I tried to take a shower…I didn't get far," she said.

"Let me help you," he said.

He picked her up and set her on the edge of the tub.

"Any better?"

One look and he knew better.

"I need to shower," she said.

"You need to lie down," he said.

"I don't like the smell," she said.

"I've smelled worse," he said.

"Thanks…I think," she said.

"Let me help you back to the bed," he said.

"No! I need a shower," she said.

"Sara, you can barely stand," he said.

"I can stand," she said.

"I'm going to regret this," he muttered.

He turned on the shower and noticed she was naked except for the robe.

"Trust me?" he asked.

"Trust you," she said.

"I'm not going to look," he said as he slid back the shower and helped her before removing the robe.

"I'm not looking," he said.

"Neither am I," she said between clenched teeth.

"Nausea again?"

"I'm going to be sick," she moaned.

He stepped into the shower and began washing her hair.

He did it in quick fluid motions. Once that was done, he grabbed the sponge and poured some of her gel on it.

"Eyes closed," he said. "I might miss a few spots."

"Feels good," she murmured.

He washed her quickly trying to avoid some areas. He wanted nothing more than to open his eyes but couldn't.

She trusted him.

He wasn't about to screw that up.

Once he felt he was done, he let the water rinse over them.

She looked at him and saw that his eyes were indeed closed. She had never felt so sick in her life and yet she could not contain the smirk that came from her lips.

"That sounded like a smirk," he said.

"I'm sorry. You're in my shower with your clothes on as well as your shoes," she said.

"I didn't want to waste any time," he said. "How do you feel?"

"I'm tired," she said. "Ben, I think I need to lie down."

His eyes shot open and he stared into her eyes.

"We're getting you dressed and then we're going to the doctor," he said.

She nodded.

He shut off the water and then reached for a towel. He averted his eyes as he towel dried her hair and then placed her robe back around her. He stepped out and helped her to the bed.

"Be back," he said. "Stay put."

When he returned from changing, she was still in the same position he left her.

"Sara?"

"I think I felt a cramp," she said.

He was carrying her now. He held her tight as they made their way down the elevator and then into the car. He grabbed a blanket from the back of the vehicle and placed it around her as he rushed to the emergency room. She protested saying she should see her physician but he continued on his mission. He did not slow until she was on an examining table and was being seen.

She grabbed his hand and he held on tight.

The nausea returned and he held her as she vomited over and over. He yelled at the nurses which prompted a doctor to make an appearance. His diagnosis relieved them both.

There was no threatened miscarriage.

The ultrasound revealed a healthy baby boy.

She was severely anemic as well as dehydrated from the vomiting. It was also a stomach virus. She was given some medication for the nausea and after several hours of fluids, she was permitted to go home. He refused to let her walk and insisted on carrying back to the apartment. He did not stop until she was back in her bed.

She seemed better.

She looked better.

The nausea was better.

She sat there and cried.

He felt helpless.

"What can I do?" he asked.

"You've done more than enough," she said. "I just need to be alone."

"You miss him, don't you?" he asked.

"I wish I didn't. I thought if I came back here and threw myself in my work it would help. It hasn't."

"Give it time, Sara."

"I hate time. I told myself if I was patient, he would learn to love me. I told myself if I worked beside him, he would notice me. He did. I just wanted him to try to love me. He did…try. He just didn't love me," she managed to get out.

"He was a fool."

"I never thought I could hurt so much," she said between gulps of air.

"It will get better with time."

"I'm a mess."

"You're not a mess."

"I'm letting Thomas down. I should be working," she said.

"I've covered for you. No one knows. Besides, Thomas wouldn't mind."

"He's counting on me. He got me this job. I don't intend to let him down."

"You're not letting him down."

"I let myself down."

"Then stop it."

She stared at him.

"Sara, you have more than yourself to think about. You have this child. This child depends on you."

She stared down at her lap.

"I had forgotten about him…until the nausea returned. I do want him, Ben. I want him so much. I couldn't stand the thought of losing him too."

"You won't if you'll focus on him…just him….nothing else."

She nodded.

"I had your docket cleared for the next two days," he said.

"Two days!"

"Two days…you're going to give yourself two days. I'll cover for you. Just rest and sleep. It's going to take awhile for you to recover from the anemia. You've got to eat better."

"It's not exactly easy with our schedules."

"Then we'll have to fix our schedules."

She nodded. She looked at him and smiled slightly. "Two days."

"Two days…don't make me angry," he said. "You know I have a temper."

Her phone rang.

She looked at the caller ID.

"It's him again, isn't it?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Talk with him Sara."

"No."

Note from author:

Who do you think is calling her? Ah, the angst. I have missed it so. I am especially enjoying the reviews! Please continue to give a review for each chapter so we can continue to move quickly through the story. I can't wait until our two geeks are in the same state again...

Take care,

Penny


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five:**

He opened the office door and slipped into the chair while the old man talked on the phone. Ben glanced at his watch and Thomas knew he was on a tight schedule. He hung up and stared at Ben.

"I haven't seen you in a couple of days," he said.

"Sara's been sick."

Thomas leaned forward.

"Is she alright?"

"Thomas, she's pushing herself."

"That's my Sara," smiled Thomas. "She could outwork any man in this department."

"She's pregnant. She can't keep up these crazy hours."

"Is there something wrong with the baby?" he asked quickly.

Ben shook his head. "She spent a couple of hours in the hospital."

"You should have called me!"

"She didn't want to bother you."

"She's not a bother!"

"Look, she's anemic. She caught that damn stomach virus that everyone's had. She got dehydrated. She's better. I made her spend two days in bed."

"You think that's enough?"

"She's stubborn. She'll listen to you."

"I'll talk with her. You think I should send her home?"

"No but I do think you should tell her to slow down."

"Anything else?"

"She's afraid she's going to disappoint you."

"Sara is home. How could she disappoint me? She's not thinking about going back to Vegas is she?" he asked suddenly.

"Thomas, you know I love her…but she's not happy here. I think maybe we should…"

"Let her go back to the jerk that got her pregnant and then dumped her? I'd like to kick his ass."

Ben grinned. "So would I. I'm just saying we should…"

"Pregnant women are always emotional. It's hormones. Believe me son, it's going to get worse. Just take care of her…be there for her and if you find out who's the son of a bitch let me know."

Ben nodded as he left.

GSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSR

"It's a boy," said Sara.

"A boy?" asked Thomas as he rounded the table to look at the ultrasound.

"Yes…most definitely a boy," she said.

"You could have told me you were sick," he said.

"You've done enough," she said.

"I'm just glad to have you back. Listen, I know you've just got back but I feel I need to talk with you about something," he said.

"Did I do something wrong?" she asked.

"No, you've done everything right. That's the problem. Sara, you outwork everyone except Ben and he's plum tuckered out at the end of each shift. You've got to slow down. You don't have to prove anything to me."

He was suddenly there holding her. "Sara, please. Don't cry."

"Sorry…hormones," she said. "I just want to..."

"Throw yourself into your work and pretend Vegas didn't happen?"

"It did," said Sara.

"Look, we're afraid you're going to overdo it. It's not good for the baby. Want a healthy baby?"

"Yes…I'm worried about the long hours and crazy eating schedules….I haven't even had time to think about what I'm going to do when the baby is born. I can't stay on these crazy hours forever."

"You can transfer to days," he said. "Don't worry. We'll work it out. Promise me you'll slow down. I've told Ben to keep an eye out."

She nodded.

"That's my girl," he said proudly.

Thomas was good to his word.

Ben kept a close eye.

He insisted she take breaks and brought food when they were going to work through dinner. She relied on him heavily as she adjusted to the pregnancy.

"You should just tell them," said Ben.

"I don't like letting people know about my private life," she said.

"They were your friends for years. Call them up and tell them. How do you think they're going to react when they find out some of them knew?" he asked.

"I'll get around to it eventually," she said.

"What do you want for dinner?" he asked.

She stood and then sat down quickly.

"Sara!"

Her hands held her abdomen.

"Sara, what's wrong?"

She stared at him.

"Let's go to the hospital…"

"I felt the baby," she whispered.

He stopped and stared at her.

"Really?"

She nodded wiping the tears from her cheeks. "I felt him Ben. It felt like butterflies…. God I miss him…I miss him so much," she choked.

He held her.

"I'm sorry, Sara. Just focus on the baby. Okay?"

"I felt the baby and he'll never know. He'll never know he has a son….our son."

"It's not too late. We can find him. I'll tell him myself."

"No! He made his choice."

"Is it this Nick fellow you were staying with? Or the one that's been calling you so much?" he asked.

She said nothing and he knew better than to push. Sara intended to keep the name of the father a secret.

He had called.

She was surprised when he had.

There had been two calls but then they stopped.

He had even left a message.

It wasn't really a message. He had held the phone. She could hear his breathing. He had uttered her name but then the line went dead. It was the last time he called.

He did not call again.

It had devastated her.

She had wanted him to beg.

She had wanted him to tell her he loved her and that he had made a mistake by leaving.

It was all she wanted at the moment.

As time passed, she grew angry.

He would have to do more if he ever wanted her back.

she sniffled.

He didn't want her back.

Nick had called.

Greg had called too.

One evening Warrick followed by Catherine had called and left messages.

Brass had done more than call.

He had sent faxes followed by registered mail and at last a visit.

She let the melancholy take hold before she knew what was happening. She smiled little these days as she worked and worked and did little else. He stood by and watched as she told the others she was fine but she wasn't.

He knew it.

He knew it because he would hold her every day while she cried.

"Sara, you can't keep doing this…this is not good for the baby," Ben said.

"I can't…" she sobbed.

"Give me his name. I'll find him," he said.

She shook her head. She opened her locker one evening and found a book inside with a page marked. She glanced around and read it. He came and stood behind her.

"Did you read it?" he asked.

"I don't have baby blues," she said.

"Yes, you do," said Ben. "You have the classic symptoms."

"I'm just adjusting to everything."

"You need a distraction," he said. "Thomas came up with one."

"Thomas?"

"Yes, Thomas. He said his wife used to work in her flower garden."

"Sorry but I live in an apartment."

She looked shocked when he handed her a piece of paper that had been torn out of a magazine.

"Flower boxes?" she asked.

"Yes. I thought they would look nice on the deck," he said.

It did.

Soon the box was filled with beautiful flowers. She worked every evening until there was nothing left to do. Another planter appeared. She did that one.

"I'm telling you I have no more room for another flower box," Ben said.

"I do," said Thomas. "She can come and do my patio."

She did.

She had not been to Thomas's house in years and she felt a bit strange being there. She couldn't explain it. She knew a little about his private life. He had shared it with her years ago. His wife had died in an accident and he had raised their only child, a daughter, by himself. She had run away years ago. It was just when Sara had gotten a job with the lab. He had been very depressed for awhile but then as they got to know one another, he took to her eagerness to learn and he took her under his wing teaching her everything he knew.

It had hurt him deeply when she had left. She knew he had felt betrayed. She had tried to stay in contact with him but he had not made it easy. She sent him a card for every major holiday and his birthday. She gulped when she saw each of them lined up on his mantle.

"They kept me going," he said with a smile.

"I thought of you often," she said. "I never wanted to hurt you."

"I know, honey. I was an ass for not returning your calls. I thought it would be easier for both of us if I stayed out of the way and let you see the big world on your own. I always hoped you would come home…not like Amy."

"Amy?" she asked.

"Amy never came home," he said.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"The garden looks great," he said. "Now, you know you have to keep it up. I could never get anything to grow after my wife died. I kill everything."

"I think I can manage that," she said with a smile.

"Good."

"Trust me?"

"I trust you," she said. "I trust you with my life."

"That's my girl. Nothing is going to ever come between us again. You're home Sara where you belong with me and Ben."

Note from author:

Miss the old gang? Me too. Let's bring them back in the next chapter. Leave the review!

Take care,

Penny


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six:**

_Grissom felt her breath on his skin as she dipped down and kissed him softly on the lips. Her actions were swift and gentle. He wanted to deepen the kiss but she was already floating above him now. Her legs straddled his waist and he wanted nothing more than to pin her down on the bed and thrust deeply into her. Instead, he let her hover there as her hands drove him almost to the brink._

"_Sara…please," he begged._

"_I love you…I think I've loved you forever," she whispered in his ear._

_He knew._

_He had known she loved him for years. He was blind when it came to human emotions but not hers. He knew she loved him just as he knew he loved her. He reached up and pulled her down to him._

"_I love you, Sara. Always have…always will," he whispered as he tried to take her lips into his._

"_No you don't. You left me. You went away and left me," she said as she pulled away._

"_That's not true. I didn't leave you," he said as he felt the warmth of her body suddenly leave his._

"_No…don't go," he cried. "Stay!"_

Grissom jerked up from his sleep.

He frantically searched the room and found it empty.

It was the same dream again.

She was not there.

He swore under his breath as he threw the pillow across the room nailing the lamp and having it shatter on the floor.

He threw his legs over the side of the bed and sat there trying to slow his heartbeat.

It had been like this for weeks.

He stared at himself in the mirror.

He looked like shit.

He didn't care anymore.

He just sat there.

There was nothing to do.

It would just be another day.

He had had many like these.

His routine had become mundane.

He would shower and then dress.

His choice was to sit and read or walk or pretend his life was not in shambles.

He usually did all of the above and then had the next twenty hours to do nothing but think about her.

He had all but stopped eating.

He couldn't remember the last time he had a real meal.

He sat there in the chair and was startled when there was a knock on the door.

He never had visitors.

He didn't want any.

It was the reason he rented a villa with its own private beach.

He was alone.

He told himself he liked it that way.

His hand trembled when he brought the last of the wine to his lips.

The bottle was almost empty.

He thought he had managed to make it last for quite awhile.

The previous one had only last a day.

This he had purchased two days ago.

He opened the door and stared at Brass.

"I was in the neighborhood and thought I would drop in."

"You have so now you can leave."

"I'm going to see her," he said glancing around at the villa.

"See who?"

"Sara."

The door opened wide.

"Nice to see you too," said Brass. "I won't ask how you've been. You look like shit."

"You said you're going to see Sara," he said.

"Sit down before you fall down," said Brass.

He did.

He slipped into a chair and motioned for Brass to take a seat as well.

"I'm going to San Francisco."

"How is she?"

"Probably better than you."

He finished off the rest of the wine.

"Got any more of that stuff?" asked Brass

"No. I'm afraid not."

"Good. Leave it alone. No answer can be found in a bottle," he said.

"What do you want?" asked Grissom.

"You need to come back."

"No…I don't."

"I'm not going to coddle you. Get your ass up and shower. I expect your shit to be packed by this evening. I booked us reservations at this restaurant near the airport."

"I'm not going."

"Having any luck here?"

He said nothing.

"I didn't think so. Come back. She left because you did. If you want her to come back, you have to get your ass back to the lab."

"Did she say she would come back if I did?"

"No, she can't stand the ground you walk on. If I were you I wouldn't be caught alone with her in a room with a loaded gun. She's a better shot than you."

"It would put me out of my misery at least."

"I never thought I would see the day that Gil Grissom felt sorry for himself. I thought you were an entomologist…a scientist…no time for human emotions."

"Leave me alone."

"How does it feel to finally be human…to love something?"

"I hate it."

"Keep that in mind. It's going to hurt like hell until she's back."

"What makes you think she'll come back?"

"I know something that neither of you do."

"What's that?"

"You both love each other."

"I never told her," he said.

"Come back and call her. Beg her to come back. Tell her you need her."

"I do," he said quietly.

"Just be sure and tell her the truth this time. Last time you used the lab as an excuse to get her to leave San Francisco. Tell her the real reason."

"She won't come back."

"She will if you ask her."

"She made up her mind."

"Are you telling me you're going to let her stay up there?"

"She's probably happy there. She was never happy with me."

"That's because you toyed with her emotions for years…treated her like shit."

He knew what he had done.

"I just want her to be happy."

"So get your ass back to Vegas."

"We met in San Francisco," he said.

"I remember."

"She came to the seminar…she wore her hair in a ponytail. She smiled…not just any smile…the one that covers her face…miss that smile. I haven't seen it in months," he said sadly.

He stared at Brass.

"I did that to her. I'm not going to ask her to come back. She's better off away from me."

"You're making a mistake. She needs you."

"She needs me to leave her alone."

"You're just saying that because you're scared. You're scared of following through with what you started."

"What did I start?"

"A life with Sara."

Brass opened the door to leave. "Sit here and waller in your self- pity. When you're ready to do something about this, come home."

Note from author:

Don't you just love Brass? He could kick your ass and tell you he loves you at the same time…and really mean it. Now, to get the two geeks back together…Leave the review! P.S some had problems with chapter five but I think fanfiction cleared up the problem. I will try to post again tonight if all of the reviews get in. I promise the geeks are going to be back in the same state soon.

Take care,

Penny


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven:**

He returned.

He had nowhere else he wanted to go so he showed up one day at the lab as if he had never left. The others stared as if they were seeing a ghost but he ignored the stares and began reviewing each open case and even completed his paperwork without the prompting of Ecklie.

Brass came around when the others dared not bother him. He wondered if Grissom had been in contact with Sara but as the days passed and his head remained in the paperwork and case files, he knew the answer. Sara had cut all ties with them. Well, most of them.

Brass had been persistent. He had been downright obnoxious. He had even been so bold as to drop into the San Francisco lab and waited two hours for her to come from the field just to say he was in the neighborhood and thought he would drop in.

He did this more than once and on the third trip, she had actually had dinner with him. He had been the one to offer information. She had merely nodded her head with a reply. A simple yes or no was all she gave him. It had been irritating at first, but he caught on to the game and began the same tactic. He mentioned Greg had been sick. It got her attention. Soon, he was being hit with question after question but he merely answered with a yes or no and soon she found herself grinning back at him.

"Through with games?" he asked.

"Yes," she had replied but this time her reply was followed by a smile and the conversation extended to more than one or two word replies.

"He's back," he finally got around to telling her.

"Good," she said.

"He misses you," he said.

"I doubt that and besides, my life is here now," she said stirring the cup of tea.

"Bullshit," he said.

"It's nice that you visit, really. I've missed you," she said. "I'm not going back."

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist," he said.

"Jim, you can't make me go back to Vegas," she said.

"Yes, I can. I have a subpoena in my pocket," he said slipping it out and handing it to her.

She gawked as she opened the piece of paper and frowned.

"I know," he said seriously. "I thought it was an airtight case but it seems the police officer got a little too quick and forgot to get the judge's signature and now he doesn't recall the verbal conversation with the officer. This case has gotten a lot of publicity since you left. Randolph has a lot of persons in high places."

"He raped and murdered that girl," said Sara sipping on the tea.

"Yes, he did but now it's going to hang on very little evidence and our testimony," said Brass.

"When do I have to go back?" she asked.

"Tomorrow," he said.

She dropped the spoon against the cup and it made a harsh clang as she stared at him.

"You're not serious?" she asked.

"Sorry kid, but they are going to need your testimony this week," he said as he watched the emotions play across her face.

Sara bit her lower lip. Her hand trembled as she picked up the cup once again. He noticed it immediately.

"He doesn't know, does he?" he asked.

"Know what?" she said.

"You're pregnant," said Brass.

"You and Nick were the only persons who knew before I left," she said.

"You should tell him," he said as he sipped on his coffee.

"He doesn't need to know. It doesn't involve him," she said.

She stared directly at Brass and he was not sure whether to believe her or not.

He had heard the rumors.

He knew that Nick had proposed before she left but she had refused. He wondered himself if perhaps Nick was the father but his thirty years of investigative work told him Grissom was the father. He was not so sure at this moment.

"If that is the case then you shouldn't mind coming back with me," he said.

_I'll just call your bluff…_

"Fine," she said finishing the tea. "I'll have to talk with my supervisor. I inherited the serial murder cases. We've got some additional evidence and the serial cases have been heating up."

"I've heard," he said. He paid the bill and then smiled at her. "I've already spoken with him and he knows you'll be gone for awhile. He said he'll have Ben Foster cover things while you're gone. This Ben…wasn't he the one that was infatuated with you when you lived in San Francisco?"

"He was never infatuated with me," she said not wanting to continue the conversation.

"He came to Vegas right after Grissom went on sabbatical," said Brass.

"Yes, he did," she said. "He uhm visited for awhile. He tried to persuade me to come back when a new position opened up."

"Looks like he was successful," said Brass.

"If I'm going back with you, I'll need to finish up some things at the lab and then pack," she said.

"I took the liberty of booking you on the same flight with me," he said.

She half smiled as she stood and started to walk off when he called her back.

"I've missed you," he said.

She knew he was sincere.

She leaned down and kissed him on the cheek.

"See you back at the lab in a couple of hours," she said as she took the flight arrangements from his hand.

Sara placed copies of the serial file into her brief case as she went through the reports on her desk. She glanced up when she heard the tap at her door. She smiled when she saw Thomas standing there.

"Tell me, you'll come back after this trial is over," he said.

"Well, my apartment is here in San Francisco and it would be really hard to commute back and forth….yes, I'll be back," she said with a grin.

"You know if I knew that Gil Grissom was going to steal you from us all those years ago I never would have agreed for you to go to that seminar," he said sitting down in the chair across from her desk.

"If I had known that I would be back here several years later, I never would have left," she said.

"Listen, I know I shouldn't say this but don't worry about the serial cases. Ben can handle it. He's been working closely with you and practically knows it as well as you."

"I'll remember that. I uhm did copy the file so I could study it," she said.

He frowned at first but then grinned. "I won't bother protesting. I know it will be a waste of time."

He stood to leave but then turned and looked at her.

"You going to be alright going back there?" he asked. "Sara, I know you're a private person and I'm the last person to put you on the spot but are you going to be alright going back there where…you know you might run into the stupid fool who let you go. I mean we've kind of taken you under our wing…a young woman in your condition…"

"You make it sound like I'm helpless," she said.

"Don't overdo it. I know I say that a lot but you haven't let up since you came back and already you've managed to put yourself back in the number one spot for the supervisor position on days."

"Whether I get the position or not, I'm going to need to work days after the baby is born," she said.

"Personnel promised me you'll have the position," he said.

"I only want it if I'm qualified," she said.

"Sara, Grissom has trained you well. You're better than any of these guys that have worked longer than you…including myself," he said with a grin.

"I'm glad that all those years were not a waste," she said softly.

"Stay in touch," he said as he stepped out just as Brass came to the door.

"Take care of her for us," said Thomas to Brass.

"You can count on it," Brass replied.

"We want her back," he called over her shoulder.

"I can't promise you that," said Brass.

It made Thomas scowl.

He persuaded her to stay with him. It was almost an insistence and she was too tired to object. The next day she found herself back into familiar court rooms as she sat on the hard wooden benches and waited for their case to come up. She cursed under her breath when the case was postponed for several days.

"This judge has been doing this a lot," said Brass. "Guess you'll be staying on a few more days."

"If I hurry, I can get a flight out tonight and be back in San Francisco," she said.

"I wouldn't advise that. This judge may put the case back in his court room tomorrow and call everyone back in at a moment's notice," he said.

She was mad.

He knew it but he secretly thanked the judge.

She spent the next several hours trying to come up with another way to work on her case without stepping foot in the Vegas lab but Thomas's phone call made it impossible.

"There's been another case," he said. "Ben has been working it."

"Have him send me copies of the report to the Vegas lab," she said.

"Sara, he's getting more violent. It was as if he was angry for some reason," he said.

"I'll send my notes as soon as I can," she said.

She was hoping to slip in undetected but her plan was ruined the moment Hodges caught sight of her. He immediately hugged her and then his eyes refused to leave her abdomen.

"You're uhm…I didn't know…no one said anything," he said not finding anything else to say.

"I've got some information coming in from San Francisco," she said.

"Oh uhm…I didn't know. I gave them to Grissom."

She felt the blood leave her face as she willed herself to pretend that his name did not bother her but the thought of having to face him at this moment was more than she was ready to do and she slipped into the ladies restroom practically running into Mandy.

"Sara…I didn't know you were coming back," she said glancing down at her abdomen.

"Just on a case…be gone soon," she said wishing she could duck into a stall and remain there until everyone left.

"Oh," she said as she quickly exited the bathroom.

Sara splashed some water on her face and tried to make herself look more than a very tired pregnant woman but she realized that it was impossible. She squared her shoulders and headed to his office. To her surprise, the case file was sitting on his desk with a note on it from Hodges. She smiled as she quickly grabbed it and then turned to run into him causing the file contents to drop into the floor.

They were both startled at the event.

He quickly tried to collect the photos but they caught his attention and he found himself staring at them. Their eyes met briefly as she reached for them.

"I had these sent here. It's a case I've been working on," she said.

"I've been following the case," he said.

His reply made her stare at him.

"The Bureau keeps me abreast of all serial cases," he said. "In case I need to be called in."

She nodded slightly as she prayed he would not be called to San Francisco.

She tried to ignore his reaction when she stood and her pregnancy became apparent. He struggled with something to say and when he said nothing, she was already down the hallway and out the door. She rushed toward the rental car and jumped inside feeling as if her heart were going to burst through her chest if she did not get away soon. By the time she got to Brass's house, she had managed to calm down.

She stepped inside only to find Greg and Warrick seated on the couch with Brass sitting in a chair.

"It seems word got out that you're back in town," said Brass.

Greg and Warrick stared at Sara briefly before they exchanged hugs and slight kisses on the cheek. Greg held on to her the longest and she gently nudged him away.

"Don't make me start to tear up," she whispered.

"You didn't call," Greg said accusingly.

"I've been busy," she said.

"I can see that," he said but quickly made reference to the serial case.

"Looks like I've got some work to do tonight," she said holding up the file.

"I wondered where you were," said Brass. "I ordered your favorite."

She smiled.

"Chinese will be here in about twenty minutes."

"Good cause I'm starved," she said.

"Listen, we can't stay cause some of us have to work tonight," said Warrick.

"Come by the lab and see us," he said giving her another hug.

"I will," she said as she stared at Greg who made no move to get up.

"Greg, get up," warned Warrick.

Greg frowned as he got up but whispered to Sara, "Fruit shakes on me tomorrow."

"It's a date," she said.

She sighed as she dropped the file on the coffee table.

"I'm going to step into the shower before the food gets here," she said.

"I won't make any promises on the egg rolls if you're late," Brass said.

She heard the door bell and finished up the shower changing into a gown and then covering herself with her robe. She grabbed her prenatal vitamins and then stepped back into the living room to find Grissom sitting there with Brass.

Brass grinned at their reactions.

"I forgot to tell you that Grissom has to review that file as well," he said.

She stood there motionless trying to comprehend what had just transpired.

"Sara, right after you left, I was called on the serial cases," said Grissom. "They want me to take a look at it since you're here…just in an advisory position."

They could tell she was mad but she said nothing. She headed straight to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water and took the medicine.

Grissom and Brass exchanged glances.

"Have you had time to look at it?" he asked trying to start up a conversation.

"No, you're welcome to take it and look at it yourself," she said.

"I would prefer we look at it together," he said.

He handed the file to her and she sat down on the couch and started to spread the photos out when the doorbell rang and she stopped.

"Great. I'd much prefer to eat before you two get into this case," said Brass.

Brass kept the conversation going as they ate. Sara said nothing as she noticed that he had purposely ordered for three rather than two. Once they were done, she opened the case file and spread the photos out. She picked up each photo and studied them one by one. She then looked at the case notes prepared by Ben.

"He does thorough work," said Grissom.

"He's one of the best," she said.

"Notice anything different this time?" asked Grissom.

"Thomas was right. This was more brutal as if he was trying to make a point," she said.

She picked up another photo and stared at it.

"What is it?" asked Grissom.

"There was a bullet hole found in the wall. The bullet was retrieved but it doesn't match anything in the data base."

"That doesn't match his previous M.O."

"It could be completely unrelated," said Sara.

She rubbed her neck which did not go unnoticed by Grissom.

"It's late. I know you two may be back in court tomorrow," said Grissom.

Sara grabbed her phone when it went off.

"Sidle"

"I sent the rest of the results on the file to the Vegas lab," said Ben.

"Hey Ben," said Sara. "Let me put you on speaker, we were just discussing the case."

She flipped the phone and Grissom sat back down as Ben began talking about the cause of death. The time of death did not seem important at the time until Brass glanced at Sara.

"Wasn't that about the time of our flight?" asked Brass.

"Yes, it was."

"Sara, Thomas was informed they want Gil Grissom to act as a consultant on this case," said Ben.

Sara glanced at Grissom.

"Ben, he's here. We've been going over the case file. I'm sorry you've gotten stuck with this case while I'm gone," she said.

"I don't mind covering you any time. Come home soon," he said.

"Anything further on the previous murders?" she asked.

"We know he used the same weapon to kill this woman as he did with the previous ones," said Ben.

"What was the connection?" asked Grissom.

"The knife wounds are a perfect match and the blood from the last two victims was found in this latest victim. It seems he never bothered to clean off the weapon."

"Ben, I'll make my case notes and send them back to you tomorrow," she said.

"Take your time. I heard your case got postponed," he said.

"Yes, it did."

"Just hurry up and get back," he said. "Sara, could I speak with you privately?"

She glanced at the other two and then took Ben off speaker. She stood and headed to the kitchen area.

"Is anything wrong?" she asked.

"Yes. I'm worried about you," he said. "You left without a word."

"You were out in the field," she said.

"You could have called. You okay? I mean, you being back there…"

"I'm fine," she said softly.

"Don't overdo it," he said.

She grinned. "Thomas already gave me the lecture."

"He told me to give it to you again. He said you can be stubborn."

"Tell him I'll be back soon."

"Promise?" he asked.

"Promise."

"Sara, I uhm you know I love…"

"Don't. I'm not ready for any kind of relationship with anyone. I don't think I ever will be."

"I'll wait."

"Don't. I know what it feels like to wait for someone."

**Note from author:**

Getting a little nervous? Grissom may have some competition…continue with the review so I can post again!

Take care,

Penny


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight:**

She hung up before he could reply. She was surprised to find Grissom still there.

"Anything else?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"I should go," said Grissom but it was Brass who stopped him.

"I need to talk with you about something," said Brass quickly.

Sara yawned and then returned the materials back into the file.

"I'll see you in the morning, Jim," she said as she disappeared. Brass waited until she was gone before turning to Grissom.

"What do you plan to do about Sara?" asked Brass.

"Sara?" asked Grissom.

"Look, she's only going to be here for another day or two. You need to talk with her."

"About what?"

"You're not serious, right?" asked Brass as he let his irritation seep through his voice.

"We've discussed the case. I'll look over the other case files that are being sent," he said.

"You need to persuade her to stay."

"I can't do that," said Grissom quietly.

"Why not?" asked Brass.

"It seems she's chosen San Francisco over Vegas," said Grissom. "I don't think she was ever happy here."

"Bullshit. She was happy until you decided to leave town on a damn sabbatical and did not come back when you said you would!"

"She wasn't happy before. Besides, it looks as though she's found someone else…"

"That's bullshit and you know it. Sara has not found someone else. Have you?"

"No!"

"Then you better get off your ass and do something before she leaves again."

"If you haven't noticed she's pregnant," said Grissom softly.

"Who do you think is the father?" asked Brass.

"You think…"

"I don't know but would it matter if she was alone? She's made it perfectly clear to me that she intends to raise this baby on her own. She's not involved with anyone yet."

"Yet?"

"Ben Foster has always been interested in Sara. He was dating Sara when she came to Vegas and decided to remain here. He came to Vegas right after you left for your sabbatical to tell her about the new position which is how she returned to San Francisco so quickly."

"How do you know he…"

"Sara just blew him off. Don't blow a second chance. By the way, she's not your employee anymore and you're not her boss. Get off your ass and do something before she leaves for good."

He left.

He was mad but Brass did not care.

She lay trying to force herself to sleep. He had been so close. All she had to do was reach out and touch him. She could still smell him. She rolled to her side and swiped at her tears. She cursed inwardly. She was tired of wasting tears on him.

He did not seem to have wasted away while she was gone.

He seemed quite fit, even lost some weight.

No doubt he was probably trying to impress Lady Heather.

She rolled again and felt herself finally going to sleep. She needed to sleep. She needed to put this night behind her.

_She felt the bed give way from his weight and she waited in anticipation for him to come. She closed her eyes and felt his presence above her. His lips brushed up against hers and soon he was there on top of her. She breathed in deeply. His scent was now on her and she welcomed it._

_He moved slowly at first and she smiled with the feel of him inside her. It was wonderful. It was everything she had ever imagined as he kept a slow and gentle pace. She tried to pull him down. She wanted to kiss him._

_He caught her hand in mid air._

"_Please," she said._

"_Please what?" he whispered._

"_Love me," she heard herself say._

"_I can't….I won't," he said as he pulled away from her._

_The warmth disappeared and was replaced with bitter cold._

_She shivered._

"_Grissom?"_

"_Grissom please…don't leave!"_

"Sara?"

She sat upright and threw back the covers.

"Sara?"

She looked and heard the tapping at the door.

She tried to calm herself as she struggled to get out of the covers that were tangled at her feet.

She thrust open the door and Brass stood there.

"You okay? I've heard you yelling," he said.

"I'm fine," she said as she stood there panting.

"Let me get you a drink," he offered.

She followed him to the kitchen and he poured a glass of milk.

"Want to tell me what you were dreaming?" he asked.

"Just a dream," she said.

"Must have been some dream. You're still out of breath," he said looking at her.

"It was nothing," she said as she drank the milk. "I'm sorry I woke you."

She headed back toward the bedroom when his reply stopped her dead in her tracks.

"I thought Grissom was here," he said.

"Here?" she asked suddenly.

"You were calling his name," he said looking for her reaction.

"I changed my mind. It was a nightmare," she said as she turned and left.

He shook his head.

Their case was placed back on the docket and Brass testified. Sara was prepared to go on next when the judge ordered the case to be continued on Monday.

"There's no reason for you to fly home for two days and then fly back on Monday. Stay through the weekend," pleaded Brass.

"Why?"

"Because I've missed you. You also promised me several months ago that you would help me make a flower garden out back. You never did that. You did it for Thomas."

She knew he was just grasping at straws.

"Flower garden?" she asked.

"Yes. We can go shopping down at the nursery tomorrow. You know how ugly the backyard looks. You said so yourself."

"Fine. I'm here until Monday."

He felt giddy that afternoon as he phoned Grissom and told him the news. He was pissed as soon as he heard his reaction.

"She wants to go back to San Francisco," said Grissom.

"Only because she has no reason to stay here. Give her a reason. Tell her you love her."

He didn't.

He wanted to.

He became frustrated when the others arrived and encircled Sara. Grissom found himself watching as the others carried on conversation after conversation with her. He could not bring himself to do so but merely sat there and watched. He was surprised when Nick finally showed.

He sat and watched as he embraced Sara and then whispered something softly into her ear. His hand slipped gently to her abdomen and Grissom felt his anger rise. He calmed when Sara stepped back and purposely ignored Nick for several minutes.

It was after dinner when Sara slipped outside that Nick followed her. She turned and smiled at him as he came and stood across from her.

"You never made up with Mandy," she said.

"You never told Grissom," said Nick.

"Mandy still loves you," she said.

"Grissom loves you," he said.

"Grissom doesn't love me. I don't think he ever did," she said.

"He doesn't say it but I know he wants to find out who is the father of your baby," said Nick. "Sara, tell him."

"No."

"Why not?" he asked coming to take her hand into his.

"He left town to get away from me. The minute I leave, he returns. His actions speak volumes," she said.

"That's not the way I heard it," he said.

"Mandy still cares for you. I ran into her the other day at the lab. She looked at me odd. I think she may believe you're the father."

"Grapevine says the same thing," he said with a grin.

"Tell her the truth."

"Tell Grissom the truth."

"I can't do that," she said.

"I can't believe that you're going to deny him his right to know his child. Sara, that's not you," he said as she pulled away and turned her back from him.

"I'll tell him for you," he offered.

"No!"

"When are you going to tell him?" he asked.

"When it doesn't hurt so much," she said. "When I can get through it without thinking I might break into a million pieces."

"He deserves to know before…"

"Before what?"

"Before he moves on."

"He moved on before I left. He just wouldn't admit it."

"I can't believe that. He's always loved you."

"Maybe it wasn't enough. Maybe he was tired of the baggage I bring along with any relationship."

"Talk with him."

"I'm going back to San Francisco," she said.

"Are you happy?"

"Yes."

He knew she lied.

"I think you're making a huge mistake that you're going to regret," said Nick. "Nothing good can come out of lies."

He left her standing outside as he slipped back in. The others said nothing as he grabbed his jacket and then left. Grissom watched as the others slowly left and then he stepped outside. He was quiet as he stood there and watched her stare out into the darkness.

"Sara?"

She quickly wiped at her eyes but kept her back to him.

"Hmmm?" she said softly.

"You okay?"

"Jim wants to go to the nursery tomorrow. He says I promised him I would do a flower garden," she said.

"You did. He liked the way you changed our backyard. He especially liked the rose bush."

"It was never ours," she said.

"I thought of it as our home," he said coming to stand closer.

"You said it would never live," she said thinking back to those happier times.

"I didn't know you had such a green thumb. It grew despite what everyone tried to tell you."

"It just needed someone to care for it," she said as she folded her arms about herself.

"Some things just need to be nurtured…"

She was not ready for any kind of conversation with him that did not deal with crime scenes. She started to return inside when she felt his hand on her arm.

"Sara?"

She refused to look at him but she stopped.

"I was coming back…to you," he said.

"Don't. I don't want to play this game anymore. It hurt back then and it hurts still. Leave me alone, Gil."

"I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I uhm…"

"As soon as this case is finished, I'm going back to San Francisco."

"You could come back to work here," he said.

"I never wanted to work here. I came here because of you."

"I asked and you came," he said moving closer.

"I wished I had never come."

"Do you?"

She didn't reply.

"Do you love him?" he asked.

She whirled around to face him now.

"Him?"

"The father of your child?"

"This is my child."

"It has a father," he said inching his way towards her.

"He'll have me."

"He?"

"It's a boy," she said barely above a whisper.

"A boy needs a father. Any child needs a father."

"I didn't," she said letting her voice crack letting him know that the conversation was raw and painful.

He was now mere inches from her and before she could step away he pulled her gently into his arms and whispered, "I've missed you Sara. I missed you so much it hurt."

"You left," she said as the tears fell.

"I had promised a colleague."

"You never told me. You just made arrangements and then I had to find it out that day," she said as she tried to pull away but he held firm.

"I tried to explain…"

"Stop. I don't want to do this," she said.

"We need to talk," he said.

"No."

"Fine. When? When do you give me a chance to explain?"

"It's finished."

"It's not finished."

"Yes, it is. I'm leaving next week."

"Sara…"

She bolted, running into the house past Brass who had been watching from the window. He tried to catch her but she ran past him slamming the bedroom door behind her. He sighed. He knew better than to go after her. She would only retaliate further and he was afraid she would leave. He stepped outside and handed Grissom a drink.

"Scotch. Thought you might need it," he said as he emptied his glass.

"She won't talk with me," he said downing the glass.

"Try again tomorrow."

"She might not see me tomorrow."

"Yes, she will. I'll do damage control tomorrow. Show up here with questions about the case. Lure her into a conversation that way and then try again."

"Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine:**

"I heard you're quite the horticulturist," said Brass.

"It's kept my mind off things," she said.

"I have a front and backyard," he said with a smile.

She smiled back.

"I remember when you and Grissom did the flower garden in his backyard. He told me about this rose bush you had gotten….puny thing. He said he was afraid it was going to die and had me looking around for a replacement just in case. It lived," he said. "I never saw anything so beautiful than that rose bush in bloom."

He glanced at her and saw the pain in her eyes.

"Sara?"

"It should have died."

"You nurtured it…cared for it…even when it was stubborn and didn't want to exist…you didn't give up."

"I should have…I never should have tried."

"Got something against rose bushes now?"

She realized she had been talking about Grissom and quickly changed the subject.

"Greg, take your hand off Sara," teased Nick.

Greg frowned as he slowly removed his hand from Sara's abdomen.

She smiled at Nick.

"Brass keeping you busy?" he asked.

"Yep. We're going to go over to that nursery to pick out some plants so I can get started on the backyard," she said.

"See you later," he said with a smile.

Sara took the coffee cups and set them in the sink. She turned and practically ran into Mandy.

"Sorry, Mandy," she said.

"It was my fault. I kind of snuck up on you," she said glancing down at Sara's abdomen.

Sara's smile faded.

"Nick seems really happy about the baby," she said trying not to let the sadness slip.

"Nick?"

"I know," said Mandy. "Look, I know this is long overdue but congratulations. I hope you're both happy."

"You still love him, don't you?" asked Sara.

"You have nothing to worry about…"

"It's just you and me, Mandy…do you still love him?" she asked.

Mandy nodded. "I made a mistake…I got scared….my fault. It's too late."

"It's not too late," said Sara.

"Yes…it is," said Mandy looking down at her abdomen again.

"Can I confide in you? Just you and me?" asked Sara.

Mandy nodded.

"It's not Nick's."

"You bitch! You let him believe…."

"No I didn't!"

"I was there in the next booth that day he proposed and you turned him down."

"Nick was only being a gentleman. He knew I was pregnant and that I planned to return to San Francisco so he offered to marry me. He's not the father…we've never…"

"Grissom."

Sara nodded.

"Ouch. Sorry."

"He still loves you. He's just hurt. He thinks you cheated on him…dated that guy from homicide," said Sara.

"One date….not even a kiss…it wasn't Nick. I wanted to tell him but…."

"I got in the way," said Sara.

"Yeah."

"We can fix this," said Sara. "Have dinner this evening with us."

"It's a date," said Mandy.

"Good."

Sara started to leave but stopped.

"Mandy, what I just told you…"

"I won't tell anyone. Sara?"

"Hmmm?"

"I'm glad you told me."

She found him in the locker room and she sat down on the bench.

"I talked with Mandy today," she said.

"Going to go through that again?" he asked.

"Let me cook dinner for you," she offered.

He grinned. "That could be dangerous. I remember your cooking."

"Come on. For old times," she said with a huge smile on her face.

"I never could resist that smile," he said.

"Good. See you at the apartment," she said.

GSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSR

Nick opened the door and smiled. "Something smells great."

He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Mandy standing there with Sara.

"I invited Mandy," said Sara.

Nick stared at the two and then excused himself to the bedroom shutting the door behind him.

"This is a mistake," said Mandy grabbing her jacket.

"Stay! I'll just be a minute," she said.

Sara stepped into the bedroom and shut the door. She could hear the water running in the shower. She stood there and breathed in deeply before entering.

"Nick, I need to talk with you."

"Sara! What are you doing in here?"

"I'm not leaving until we talk. I'm not looking…you better hurry. I might be tempted."

He shut the water off immediately and wrapped a towel around his waist.

She glanced at him and grinned.

"What's so funny?"

"This. Come and talk with her."

"I don't think so. It's over. She doesn't love me."

"No, that's where you're wrong. Nicky, she loves you. She got cold feet. Your visit to meet the parents scared her. She wasn't ready but after she had time to think about it…it was too late. I got in the way."

"Well, that's too bad. If it was just cold feet then why did she date the guy in homicide?"

"You know you're cute when you're jealous. She went on one date, no kissing, no nothing…she kept comparing him to you…she loves you Nicky. Don't throw it away."

"I could say the same thing about Grissom."

Her smile left.

"That's different. Mandy loves you…she told me. Grissom never loved me. Want to know why he left? I told him I loved him…he couldn't say the same thing to me so he left. You have a chance to be happy with Mandy, a woman that loves you. Don't blow it."

"Did she…really tell you she loves me?"

"Yes….it's the reason I told her the truth. She knows."

He stared at the door.

"I'm hungry. Mandy cooked. I'm eating," said Sara.

"Sara?"

She turned and looked at him.

"Grissom was a fool….a damn fool."

She sniffled.

"Don't make me cry. I'm tired of crying."

He hugged her and then threw on some clothes as Sara sat with her back turned.

"Are you almost done? You shouldn't keep a pregnant woman waiting especially when it involves food."

Nick chuckled as they returned to the living room.

Mandy stood in the kitchen with her back to them. She stirred the contents in the pot slowly. Sara nudged Nick forward. He glanced at Sara and then pulled Mandy into a hug.

"I've missed your cooking…Sara can't cook," said Nick.

"Is that all you've missed?" asked Mandy.

"I've missed you," he whispered "and this." He leaned down and kissed Mandy.

Sara smiled as she turned away.

"Guys, I'm pregnant and hungry," she said.

They both grinned.

"Dinner is ready," said Mandy.

They sat and ate.

Once dinner was over, they sat on the couch and watched TV. Nick wrapped his arms around each of them.

"I could get used to this," he said. "Two women….one can cook, the other can clean…"

"What was it like living with Nick?" asked Mandy.

"He threw his clothes on the floor…he got better. He did take out the trash without being told and he was good to send to the grocery store," she said.

"Good to know that," said Mandy.

Nick grabbed for his beer and chugged it down.

Mandy glanced at him and then grinned. "How was he in bed?"

He spewed it.

"He snored, hogged the covers and couldn't seem to get the knack on how to squeeze the toothpaste from the end and not the middle."

"I remember. Don't you hate it how he wraps himself up in the covers and pulls? By morning you have none."

"Tell me about it," said Sara.

"That's enough sharing; don't you think ladies," said Nick becoming annoyed.

Sara laughed and then got up. "I think I'm going to give you guys some time alone."

"Sara, you don't have to…" began Mandy.

"I'm ready to head back to Jim's."

She leaned down and kissed him on the cheek and then left.

"Sara explained everything to me. I think it was really nice what you tried to do. When I thought you two were together…it hurt. I mean for you to have gotten over me so quickly. I couldn't get over you. I missed you…missed us," she said.

"Sara was going to leave town. I love her like a sister…I didn't want her to leave. I couldn't come up with any other plan."

"Nick, I'm sorry I hurt you. I just…didn't know where I stood when it came to that…until now."

"How do you feel about commitment? Cause I want more than just what we had…not that it was bad but I want more…I want the marriage and the …"

"Kids?" she asked.

"Yes. I didn't think I'd want kids so soon but after being with Sara…I want kids."

"Me too."

He stared at her.

"So you're telling me you now want the marriage thing also?"

"Yes. Sara didn't have to tell me. She has your best interest at heart Nick. She's a true friend."

Sara walked around the mall. She glanced at her watch and sighed. She was tired and wanted nothing more than to curl up in a bed but she couldn't bring herself to go to Jim's just yet. She ordered a fruit shake and sat down on a bench. She watched as people came and went. She took notice of the families as a husband and wife took turns pushing the stroller.

_This is what married life is…._

_Two partners sharing in the care of the child…_

_Holding hands…_

_Sharing smiles and…_

_Love…._

She sniffled as she finished the shake and then headed back. She sat there in her car as she stared at the house. She sighed when she saw Grissom's car. She was not ready for another confrontation. She was tired and just wanted to rest before going to the nursery. She leaned her seat back and closed her eyes. She was not aware she had fallen asleep until she heard a tap on the window.

"Is there a reason why you've been sitting out here for an hour?" asked Brass.

"I'm sorry. I must have fallen asleep," she said as she stepped out of the vehicle.

"Grissom has been going over the case file again. I think he has a few questions."

"Any new developments?" she asked.

"Not sure."

They stepped inside as Grissom kept his eyes on the photos on the table.

"Jim said you had some questions," she said yawning.

His eyes stared at her and he saw that she was tired.

"Not yet. Maybe it would be best if we talked about this later. I think you two were going to go to the nursery," said Grissom as he stood to leave.

He saw the relief on Sara's face and knew he had made the right decision.

Note from the author:

Gee, I think we need another chapter before midnight. I'll see what I can do. Please be kind and leave a review for each chapter. Thanks in advance!

Take care,

Penny


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten:**

Sara sat across from Brass and nibbled on her snack.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," she said as she looked down at her abdomen.

"Ever regret anything?" she asked.

"Plenty. You regret this baby?"

"No! I want this baby…."

"Good."

"Thomas has been really good to me," she said.

"Thomas and I are alike in a lot of ways. We didn't do very well as a single parent. We both had daughters that ran off."

"You think I can't raise this child on my own," she said suddenly.

"Do you have to?"

She bit her lower lip.

"It was a mistake. It's best I raise this child on my own."

"Do you think that's fair?" he asked.

"No," she said barely above a whisper.

Brass stared at her.

"Sara, do what's best for the baby," he said. "Even if it means telling the father."

She nodded.

"Ready to go to the nursery?" he asked.

"Just let me finish this," she said as she began to eat.

"That's better," he said chuckling.

They walked along the many rows of plants and she stopped in front of a rose bush.

"You like roses?" he asked.

"I did," she said.

"Roses are like people. Their fragrance lures us. We want to touch but then we feel the thorns ….not careful you can get hurt…they don't even know what they're doing before it's too late. They don't mean it… …"

He stood there as her eyes watered. He knew she had gotten the meaning behind the words.

"Sara…"

They were interrupted by the gun fire. Sara felt herself being thrown to the ground as pots burst around them. There were screams and then tires squealing away. Sara lay there until she heard the others get up. She rose slowly and then glanced over at Brass. He did not move.

"Jim?"

She rolled him over and began to panic when blood spurted from his chest. She placed her hand over his chest and held tightly.

"Jim…Jim?"

His eyes fluttered opened and she began to yell. "Call an ambulance!"

"Stay with me, Jim…Please don't leave me…please…please…"

She held him tightly keeping pressure on his chest. She refused to budge even though the medics arrived and began an IV.

"Miss, I've got him," said the medic.

"He's been unconscious ever since…"

"Miss…are you hurt?"

"Hmmm?"

"There's blood…"

She sat there and stared at Brass.

It was Warrick's hand on her arm that made her turn.

"Cookie…you okay? You need to let them work on Brass."

She nodded slightly.

"We need to check her out. She may be injured," said the medic.

Warrick led her over to the ambulance and set her down.

"Sara, are you hurt?"

She glanced down and suddenly clutched her abdomen.

"Is the baby okay?"

She nodded. "My knees hurt….my hand…Jim…"

Warrick called for a medic.

He stood nearby as the medic examined Sara.

"Abrasions on her knees, bad cut on her hand and she's got one heck of a knot on her head. She needs to be checked out…make sure nothing is wrong with the baby," said the medic.

"I'll call…"

"Grissom," she said. "You need to call Grissom. He needs to know about Jim…" She stood but felt herself slumping to the ground.

Warrick and the medic grabbed her. "That's it. You just bought yourself a ride in the ambulance."

Sara grabbed Warrick's hand.

"I'll get Grissom. Take care of yourself," he said.

Grissom paced the hallway as he waited for news.

"She was okay?" he asked for the fourth time.

"She was talking…nasty bump on the head, some cuts and bruises…"

Warrick stopped when a doctor appeared.

"Mr. Grissom?"

"Yes."

"Ms. Sidle is going to be fine. She suffered some bruising…nasty cuts on both knees. Her hand required stitches. Her head injury was our main concern but everything came back negative. She's going to have a headache. Someone from OB is with her right now but we don't anticipate any problems. You can take her home as soon as they're done."

"Can I see her now?" he asked anxiously.

"Just follow this nurse," he said.

"We'll keep you posted about Brass's condition," said Warrick.

Grissom stepped into the room.

"How do you feel?"

"Sore….how's Jim?"

"No news yet."

She winced as she tried to move.

"They'll tell us as soon as they know something."

She nodded.

"I think you should go home…."

"I'm staying."

He didn't object. He glanced at her blouse.

"I'll call Greg. He can bring you more clothes," said Grissom.

She glanced down at her blouse.

It was covered with Jim's blood.

He took off his jacket and placed it around her.

They sat there in the waiting room as hours passed.

Her head was pounding and she felt her stomach lurch.

"Sara, you need to go home and rest for awhile," he said.

"I'll go," she said quietly.

"I'll take her," said Greg.

"Grissom? Call me as soon as you know something. I'll shower and take a nap. Okay?" she asked.

He nodded.

"Sara?"

She turned and looked at him.

"This isn't your fault."

She said nothing as she left with Greg.

She slept on the way to the house. Once they were there, she stepped inside calling for Greg to come in.

"Don't leave. I'll just be a minute," she said.

"What Grissom said…he's right. You tend to blame yourself for things," said Greg.

"Fix you something to eat," she said.

"Want a sandwich?" he asked.

"I couldn't eat," she said.

She showered letting the warm water flow on her bruises and scrapes for several minutes before dressing quickly. She caressed her stomach. It had been close. Brass had pushed her down and shielded her from the gunfire. The bullet should have hit her.

_I could have lost you…_

She knew the projectile of the bullet would have struck her in the abdomen killing the baby as well as herself. By shoving her down and shielding her, he had placed his own body in the path of the bullet.

"I'm ready," she said trying to sound cheerful.

"For what?" asked Greg as he finished his sandwich.

"To go back," she said.

"You told Grissom you were going to shower and then take a nap."

"I did….only in the reverse. I slept on the way here."

She headed toward the door.

"Grissom will kill me if I take you back."

"Who are you more afraid of? Me or Grissom?"

"I'm almost done," he said frowning.

Grissom sat there in the waiting room with his head tilted back. He knew that soon he would have to check in with the lab. He was glad she had gone home without a fuss.

"Griss?"

Grissom opened his eyes to see Nick standing there.

"Catherine called me….how is he?"

"I'm still waiting for word."

"How long has he been in surgery?"

"Four hours."

They both stood when they saw the physician approaching.

"Are you here for Jim Brass?"

"Yes," they both replied.

"I'll need to talk with the family," he said.

"I have medical power of attorney….so does Sara," Grissom said handing the doctor the forms.

"We've managed to stop the bleeding. The bullet is still lodged in his chest cavity but we had to leave it. He's in recovery right now."

"What's his prognosis?" asked Grissom.

"He's critical. According to this form you and Sara Sidle will have to make a joint decision. You'll need to decide if we attempt another surgery or leave the bullet."

"What happens if you leave the bullet?"

"Complete incapacitation. The bullet could move at any time and sever the main artery to the heart killing him before we could get him under the knife. If we remove it, he could bleed out again and die on the table. His odds are not good."

Nick shook his head.

"When would you try to recover the bullet?" asked Grissom.

"As soon as he's strong enough."

"We'll need Sara back," said Grissom. "I sent her home an hour ago. She needs to rest."

"I'm going to need both of you to agree on this," said the physician.

Grissom nodded reluctantly.

Note from author:

Everyone is on their honor to post a review for each chapter. I decided to go ahead and post this one as well so please do not disappoint me. I am going to be really busy in the morning so I may post two chapters back to back...remember, be nice and review each one.

Take care,

Penny


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven:**

"She was with Brass," explained Grissom.

Nick stared at Grissom. "Did she get hurt?"

"A few stitches in her hand….cuts and bruises…nasty cut on her head but she's fine. Greg drove her back to Brass's."

Nick nodded. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

They were quiet for a moment.

He felt his stomach knot.

"Nick, about the baby…" he began quietly.

Nick started to respond when Grissom began to curse.

"What the hell?" He stood there with arms folded as he watched Sara and Greg approach.

Sara stopped suddenly when she saw Grissom standing there. She grabbed Greg's arm. He felt her tremble.

"You okay?"

She glanced at Greg.

"I'm fine," she said as she squared her shoulders and continued down the hall.

She knew that Grissom was mad, "What are you…"

"How's Jim?" she asked quickly.

She kept her eyes focused on Nick as he gave her an update.

"What are you doing back?" he finally asked.

"I showered, changed and took a nap," she said.

"In an hour?"

"Greg will vouch for me," she said licking her lips. She did not like it when Grissom was mad. Nick stood there and watched the exchange.

"You're in no condition…"

"I'm staying."

They glared at one another.

"Gil, I need to stay," she said softly.

He relented.

"Don't push it. Greg and I have to go in…Catherine has everyone on this case," Nick said. "Are you going to be okay?"

She nodded.

He took her by the arm and walked her down the hall.

"You sure you're going to be okay…with Grissom?" he asked.

"I'll be fine," she said. "Go back to the lab and find out who did this."

"If you need me, you call."

"I will."

He stood there a moment and then walked away.

She felt awkward for a moment not sure of herself until a nurse came and told them they would be permitted to see Brass for a few minutes. They stepped inside ICU and Sara froze for a moment. She was not prepared to see him hooked up to the machines.

She hesitated before taking his hand. He gave her a few minutes before coming to stand near the bed. She swiped at her eyes as she leaned down and kissed him gently on the forehead.

"I'm sorry Jim…so sorry," she said. "You pushed me out of the way," she whispered.

"His heart beat is strong," he said trying to avoid the urge to take her into his arms.

The nurse led them out and they took their places in the chair. She sat down and winced as she bumped her knee.

"You okay?" he asked suddenly.

"Fine," she managed to get out.

"Sara, we have to make a decision." He explained their options. He had not liked the idea of having medical power of attorney. He could not imagine having to make those kinds of decisions for another human life. Grissom had been relieved when Brass had told him he wanted Sara to assist with the decision. Now, he wished he could leave her out of the decision making process. She already felt guilty for the shooting and she would blame herself even more if Brass died.

"Our decision could kill him."

"He wouldn't want to be incapacitated for the rest of his life….you know that."

She nodded. "You think they'll do the surgery soon?"

"Yes."

"I was with him," she said softly. "He pushed me out of the way…he took the bullet."

"I would have done the same thing," he said.

She turned away to hide the emotions welling up.

"Get the nurse….we should sign the forms," she said.

He reappeared soon with the forms and they signed in front of the nurse.

"You'll tell us before you take him…so we can see him once more?" she asked.

The nurse nodded.

They sat there now in the chairs for the next hour saying very little. Sara's back hurt and she shifted once more in the seat. She stood finally and walked down the hall. It was then he could see the slight bulge beneath her blouse. She looked beautiful.

He cursed himself.

He envied Nick or Ben or whoever was the father.

He had only wanted one thing and she no longer loved him.

He sighed.

She stopped suddenly and he was up out of his chair instantly.

"You okay?" he asked as he grabbed her by the arm and forced her to sit back down.

"He kicks really hard," she said. She breathed in deeply and leaned back into the chair closing her eyes.

He noticed how her hand caressed her abdomen.

"Is he still kicking?" he asked.

She nodded.

"How…far along are you?" he asked.

Her eyes shot open.

"Five months," she lied.

He nodded slightly letting all hope diminish.

They both stood when they saw the physician.

"There's been a change. We can't wait. We're prepping him for surgery right now."

"Can we see him?"

"I'm sorry but there's no time," he said as he hurried away.

Sara wrapped her arms about her feeling her resolve slowly give way. She would have crumbled to the floor if not for the strong arms that embraced her. She leaned back and felt the warmth of his body next to hers. She felt his warm breath near her neck as he leaned down and whispered.

"This isn't your fault, Sara. Don't blame yourself if he doesn't make it."

She felt his hand rub her back. She quickly stepped away.

Nick hurried down the hall.

"How is he?" asked Nick.

"Emergency surgery…we didn't get to see him again," she said sniffling.

"I'm sorry Sar," he said pulling her into his arms as he looked at Grissom.

Pure jealousy flashed across Grissom's face.

It did not go unnoticed by Nick.

He smiled inwardly.

He pulled Sara over to a chair.

"Honey, you don't look good. You should go home. Warrick said you took a nasty fall. That bruise on your head is proof. Why don't you come home with me…"

Grissom's head shot up.

"I can't leave yet," she said. "Any news on who did this?"

Nick shook his head. "We're waiting for the bullet."

"Do you think it has anything to do with the Randolph case?" asked Sara.

"Can't link it to him yet," said Nick. "I've got to get back but I told everyone I would swing by and get an update. Call me if there's any change." She watched Nick disappear down the hall. She felt restless but as she stood she felt her knees begin to shake and sat back down.

"When was the last time you've eaten?" he asked.

"I had dinner with Nick…and Mandy," she said.

Her reply surprised him as he pulled her up and they headed to the cafeteria.

He sat and watched her finish the sandwich along with an apple and a glass of milk.

He grinned.

"Pregnancy has improved your appetite," he said.

She looked down at the tray.

"I was hungry," she said.

"Feel better?" he asked.

She nodded.

They returned to their chairs in the waiting room. She shivered as she squirmed once more in the chair. Grissom disappeared for a moment and then returned with a blanket and a pillow. He placed a chair in front of her, picking up her legs gently and then placed the blanket over her.

"Thanks," she said.

He sat back down beside her.

An hour passed and still there was no word. He felt her head against his shoulder and he glanced over to find her sound asleep. He gently wrapped his arm around her letting her head settle comfortably against his chest as he pulled the blanket up. His hand gently caressed her cheek as he brushed the hair back.

Her head jerked up when her phone rang. She grabbed it immediately.

"Sidle."

"Why didn't you tell me what happened?" asked Thomas.

"Thomas, I uhm…"

"How's Jim?"

"He's still in surgery."

"How are you?"

"I'm fine."

"That's not what I heard. How are you and the baby?"

"We're good," she said.

"Listen, I hate to bring this up but there's been a problem with the Bailey case."

She sat up straight.

"What happened?"

"We've had some evidence thrown out," he said.

She cursed. "Let me guess, the questionable stop and search caused the evidence to be thrown out?"

"We can't use any of the evidence in the car."

"That's most of the case!"

"I just wanted to tell you personally before Ben gets to you. I know you two worked closely on that one."

"He said this would probably happen. We were trying to get more evidence together when I was called back here."

"When do you testify?"

"Monday morning."

"Get some rest."

"You need me there," she said. "Thomas, I can't leave until he's out of surgery."

"I'll get with the DA and have him talk with the judge. I'm sure they can work something out."

"Right," she said biting her lower lip.

"Sara, don't worry. We'll get the case postponed until you have time to get back here."

"You and I both know that this is just a ploy to rush the case and hope that we screw up," she said.

"Frank can handle it," said Thomas.

"Frank tends to leave things out," she said.

"Ben is trying to get back from the field to help. He says he can wrap up his case and come back. He told me to tell you to stay there."

"He did?"

"No but I'm telling you to stay put. There's no need for you to hop on a plane only to have to return back there."

"I'm coming," she said as she glanced at her watch. "As soon as he's out of recovery."

"Sara…"

"Do me a favor and have Nancy on standby to do her magic with the airlines," she said.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes. Thomas? Thanks for giving me a choice," she said. "You could have just ordered me back there."

"He means a lot to you," said Thomas. "You haven't changed your mind, have you? You're going to come home?"

"I haven't changed my mind," she said.

He said nothing about the phone call. The thought of her leaving bothered him. The thought of her running back and forth between San Francisco and Vegas worried him.

He nudged her again as the physician came walking down the hall.

"Sara?"

"Hmmm?"

"It's the doctor," he said.

They both stood. She did not object when his hand slid into hers.

"He's in recovery. We got the bullet…we'll send it over to your lab. It'll be several hours before anyone will be permitted to see him. I suggest you go home and get some rest. We'll keep you posted."

"Thank you," said Grissom as the man walked away.

"We should go home," he said.

"I have to go back to San Francisco," she said.

"When?"

"Now," she said.

"You can't be serious?" he said.

"A very high profile case just got some evidence thrown out and I'm needed back to help out."

"Don't they have someone else?"

"I'm it. Thomas didn't order me back. He left it up to me. He needs me. Keep me informed about Jim. I'll be back as soon as I can."

He watched as she turned and left.

She was back within thirty six hours. She had managed to help Frank get additional evidence that would hold the suspect for trial giving the others time to solidify their case. She had wanted to do more but knew that Brass was not doing well and she wanted to be near him. She yawned as she stepped into the hospital room. Grissom stared at her and she could tell he was angry.

"Sit down before you fall down," he said.

She did without protest.

"How is he?"

"Not much change. Sara, you need to prepare yourself that he…"

"Jim's strong. He just needs time. We can wait."

"There's a problem," said Grissom coming to sit beside her.

"A problem?"

"Ellie."

Sara sighed. She knew it was a matter of time before she showed.

"Where is she?"

"She's been roaming the halls or standing outside. She came in once but left. She's been asking for the keys to Jim's house."

"Did you give them to her?"

"We both know we can't do that," he said.

"What are you going to do?" she asked.

"I offered to put her up in a hotel room," he said.

"Let me know which one so I make sure I stay clear of that one."

He looked at her.

"I can't stay at Jim's. It wouldn't be right."

"Jim would want you to stay…"

"Ellie would expect to stay there as well and I'm not up to sharing a house with her. I don't trust her."

"Stay with me," he said.

"No."

"Why not?"

"I'm staying at a hotel…there's one near the hospital unless you're putting Ellie there."

The door opened and Nick stood there.

"How is he?"

"No change," said Grissom.

"I ran into Ellie. She's looking for Sara. I think she went out to the house and the neighbors told her you were staying there with Brass."

"Great," muttered Sara.

She stood and they followed her out into the hallway.

Ellie was standing outside the door.

"You're Sara…Sara Sidle," she said.

"Hello Ellie," she said with arms folded.

Ellie glanced at Sara's abdomen and then grinned.

"I guess Dad has a taste for younger women," she said. "Let me guess, I'm going to have a brother or sister soon."

Note from author:

My money is on Sara! Please leave a review so we can move on!

Take care,

Penny


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve:**

Sara moved toward Ellie but the two guys blocked her.

"Jim Brass is like a father to me. What do you want, Ellie?"

"I want the keys to his house."

"I don't have them," said Sara.

"Sure," said Ellie with a sneer. "All he ever talked about was you."

"Funny, all he ever talked about was you," replied Sara.

"They told me you were with him when he was shot," she said.

"Yes, I was," said Sara softly.

"He pushed you out of the way. He was shot because of you. It's your fault that he's lying in there right now," she yelled.

"That's enough!" yelled Nick. "Let's get you to a hotel."

He grabbed Ellie's arm and practically dragged her down the hallway. Sara remained there motionless.

"Sara, it wasn't your fault," said Grissom.

"She's right. He pushed me out of the way."

"Let's get something to eat…"

"I have to check in with Ben and Thomas," she said.

"You need to rest," he said.

"I will. I just need to get some things done."

He watched as she disappeared down the hall.

She sat down in an empty room and pulled out her cell.

"Ben Foster."

"Ben…"

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"No, I'm not," she admitted.

"I'm back on the Bailey case. Don't worry. How's Brass?"

"No change."

"Sara, what's wrong?"

"I just want to be back in San Francisco," she said.

"Come home soon," he said. "I miss you."

"How's Thomas holding up?"

"Thomas is barking out orders. He threatened to fire Frank. It made the others go a little faster."

"Good for Thomas."

"Are you getting any rest? You sound tired."

"I am tired. I'm going to check into a hotel room soon. Call me if there are any changes," she said. She glanced at her watch and sighed.

_Five hours and I'm due in court…_

She was not even aware that he was standing there in front of her until she started to get up.

"I thought I had better remind you about court," said Grissom.

"Just remembered," she said.

"Stay at the townhouse," he said. "You never slept well in hotels and you don't have a lot of time."

He was right.

She didn't like hotels but then she doubted if she would be able to sleep at his place either.

"I'll check into the hotel across from the hospital," she said as she headed toward the door.

He blocked her.

"Nick put Ellie there."

"Grissom, I'm tired. Let me go…"

"Sara, let me help you," said Grissom.

She stared at him.

"Please," he said.

She sat in his vehicle and tried to force the contents of her food to remain in her stomach. With every mile, she grew anxious.

"How've you been?" he asked.

"Good."

He nodded.

"I've had a maid come in every month to clean. I can offer you an omelet," he said.

"Catherine said you weren't coming back." She blurted it out before she knew what she was doing. She blamed it on fatigue.

"I never said that. There was a bad connection that day. She got only part of the conversation."

Sara felt lightheaded.

"You…were coming back?"

"Yes…I only stayed to help out a colleague who had gotten himself in a mess with his wife."

"But you resigned…"

"Yes…I did but they wouldn't accept my resignation and gave me an indefinite leave of absence. There was no reason to come back," he said.

"No reason?" she yelled.

He glanced at her.

"Sara…"

"I guess there wasn't. There was never anything here that you wanted."

"That's not true."

"Oh yes…the lab."

"And you."

"Don't! Don't you dare do this after…" she stopped telling herself it was not good for the baby to kill his father.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset," he said as he watched her tremble.

She turned away and refused to look in his direction.

He wondered if he had returned within six weeks if things would have been different. She would be sitting there now carrying his child….not Nick's or Ben's. He cursed inwardly. He glanced over at her and could tell she was still upset.

"I'll call the market down the street and have them deliver some things," he said trying to change the subject.

She said nothing but sat there trying to calm down.

He unlocked the door and she hesitated a moment before stepping inside.

It had been months since she had been there.

"I'll put your things in the guest room," he said.

She stood there as the memories of her last visit replayed in her mind.

"Sara?"

"Hmmm?"

"If you're tired…."

"Yes…I'd like to sleep," she said.

She stepped past him and hurried to the bedroom. She had never been in the room before. She pulled out her gown and changed. She pulled back the covers and started to get in when she remembered she had not taken her prenatal vitamin. She quietly opened the door and headed to the kitchen. Quickly, she reached for a glass and filled it with water.

"Forgot something?"

His voice startled her and she almost dropped the glass.

She winced.

"You okay?" he asked worriedly.

"Head hurts," she said.

"You want something for pain?" he asked.

She shook her head.

He gently reached up and examined the bruise on her forehead.

"Honey, that's got to hurt," he said softly.

"Maybe the judge will have pity on me in a few hours," she said.

He smiled.

He glanced at her knees.

"Is this from the shooting?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Let me take a look," he said. He had already pulled back her gown before she could protest.

"Better change these bandages," he said. He disappeared for a moment but returned with a first aid kit. His hands were gentle as he peeled off the bandage discarding it and then replaced it. He then moved to the other knee and did the same. Once he was finished he noticed the bandage on her hand.

"May I?" he asked.

She slowly extended her hand as he took it and checked the bandage. He counted the stitches as he softly eased the fresh bandage over it.

She sat there as her senses reeled from his touch.

"Think you can sleep now?" he asked.

She nodded as she stood and tried to make her way to the bedroom.

She had made it half way when she stopped and doubled over.

"Sara!"

"It's fine," she managed to get out. "Just a kick…a really hard kick."

He was already there by her side as he wrapped his arm around her waist and helped her to the bed. She sat down gingerly and winced from the pain as she held her hands firmly on each side of the bulge.

"Kicks a lot?" he asked.

She nodded.

"May I?" he asked.

Her head shot up.

"Could I feel him?" he asked.

She nodded slowly telling herself she could handle his hands on her body once more.

His hands gently pressed against her abdomen and he smiled when he felt the hard kick. She held her breath from the blow.

"He does kick hard," he said with a grin.

"It's usually when I want to sleep," she said.

"Does anything help?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"Have you tried this?" he asked. He gently massaged her abdomen. She leaned back and closed her eyes trying to ignore the sensations running through her body. His hands were warm and tender and she found herself fully relaxed. She waited for a kick but there was none.

She looked at him.

"It's like rocking him to sleep…only in the womb," he said.

His head was bent toward hers and suddenly she felt the air between them lessen. She pulled herself back against the pillow. He realized how close he had come to kissing her and he cursed inwardly.

He stood suddenly and walked toward the door.

"Gil?"

He turned to face her.

"Thank you," she said.

"Get some rest," he said quietly.

He slept little knowing she was just in the next room but that he could not be with her. He tossed and turned for several hours before finally getting up. The delivery boy came and went. He stood there with fresh coffee in his hand and yet she remained asleep. He walked by the bedroom and gently opened the door. She still slept.

He glanced at the clock and knew she had to get up in order to get to court on time. He sat down on the bed and gently nudged her.

"Sara, you have to wake up," he said.

"Five more minutes," she said. "Give me five more minutes, Ben."

He wasn't prepared for that.

**Note from author:**

Please don't forget to leave a review for each chapter.

Take care,

Penny


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen:**

"Sara," he said once more.

She jerked awake and sat up.

"I'm awake," she said.

She rose, throwing her legs over the side of the bed but could not stand. Her muscles ached from the fall. Brass had tackled her to the ground in order to save her life but now she felt every muscle in her body scream for relief.

She sat there on the edge of the bed not sure what to do next.

"Rough night?" he asked.

She nodded.

"You don't look good," he said. "You feel okay?"

"I'm just sore…I'll feel better once I've taken a shower."

"I'll cook breakfast while you shower," he said quietly.

"You don't have to do that," she said. She stood but sat back down.

"Anything wrong?" he asked.

"No…nothing," she said.

He left the room as she slowly made her way to the shower.

It helped.

The stiffness was better but she remained sore.

She was also tired.

She wished she was back in San Francisco.

She could just crawl back into her bed and sleep.

Ben would cover for her.

She sighed.

She missed his company.

She stepped into the kitchen and he glanced at her.

"You look nice," he said as he set the table.

"It smells good," she said sitting down when he pulled out the chair.

She was not used to this. They often skipped breakfast. When he would slip out of bed, she would dress and then leave.

"How did the shower help?" he asked.

"Yes," she lied.

"You must be exhausted," he said.

"I'll be glad when court is over. Any news about Jim?" she asked.

"Nothing yet," he said.

She finished the omelet and then ate the toast.

He smiled. "I think pregnancy agrees with you. I haven't seen you clean your plate much."

"I'm always hungry," she said.

"What are your plans after court?" he asked.

"Go to the hospital," she said.

"Sara…"

"I need to see him," she said.

"I'll drive you to court," he said getting up. It wasn't often that she saw him dressed in a suit.

"I didn't know you had court this morning," she said.

"Just a few things on the docket I want to monitor," he said.

She nodded as she finished her juice.

"After court we can drive over to the hospital together," he said.

"That's not necessary."

"Your car is still there. I don't mind," he said as he waited for her at the door.

He could tell she was not feeling well. She leaned on the car door and once there, she flipped through her notes and then took a seat outside the court room doors and waited to be called. He watched her from a distance as her hand made circular motions about the side of her abdomen. He came and sat down next to her.

"Don't worry. You'll do fine," he said.

"I'm not worried," she said.

"Yes you are," he whispered.

"I'm not really….it's him….he's turning cartwheels," she whispered.

He grinned.

She was half relieved when her name was called and she entered the court room. He followed behind her and she turned to glance at him.

"Just keeping a promise," he said.

"To whom?" she asked.

"Jim."

She was given no leniency by the judge as he allowed the defense to grill her over and over for more than an hour. It came down to her credibility along with Jim's.

The defense pushed for a dismissal while the state pushed for a continuance.

The judge glanced at both sides.

"I'll take this latest testimony under advisement and have my decision tomorrow."

Sara fled from the courtroom with Grissom quickly behind her.

"Sara…"

"He's going to let that bastard go free. You and I both know what his statement meant. He's going to come back and spout several bullshit cases and then he's going to let him walk out of here."

"You don't know that," he said.

"I hate Vegas," she said with arms folded.

"Brass would be proud of you…you handled yourself well and besides you used his favorite word, 'bullshit.'"

They drove to the hospital in silence.

There was news when they arrived. While she sat down in the waiting room, he spoke with the nurse. She knew by his expression that it was not good news.

"Sara…Jim slipped into a coma…it's a wait and see situation now," he said.

She felt the air knocked out of her.

"Sit back," he said as he watched the color drain from her face.

"He….uhm pushed me…he took the bullet meant for me," she said.

"He loves you, Sara," he said holding her hand.

"I'm not ready to lose him. We were going to make a flower garden in his backyard," she said sadly.

"Don't count him out just yet," he said.

She said nothing but sat there with hands protectively wrapped around her abdomen.

"Are you okay?" he asked as she stared at her abdomen.

"I'm fine," she said.

Her phone rang and she sighed.

It was Thomas.

He stepped away giving her some privacy as she spoke in a hushed tone. When she closed her phone, he returned.

"I'll take you back to the townhouse," he offered.

"I've got work to do," she said standing.

"You've been working around the clock. Sara, if Ben was here, he would tell you to stop."

"You don't know Ben."

"I know that when I tried to wake you this morning you thought I was him."

She said nothing.

"Are the two of you involved?" he asked.

"That's none of your business!" she said not sure why she was suddenly so angry. Her head was pounding and she wanted nothing more than to find a nice quiet place to fall apart.

"You're not stepping foot in the lab," he said.

"You can't stop me from using the lab," she shot back.

"Yes I can and I just did. You're not stepping foot in there until you've been off the clock for more than twelve hours."

"You're not my boss!"

"You're not using the lab," he said letting his voice rise.

"You have no right…"

"Hey!" yelled Nick. "I can hear both of you all the way down the hall."

"I'll call Thomas. He'll go over your head," she threatened.

"Call," he said with arms folded.

Nick stared at the two.

"What's this about?" he asked.

"Grissom won't give me access to the lab," she said.

Nick looked at Grissom.

"Rest for twelve hours and you can have access again."

Nick returned his stare at Sara.

"I have three cases that are exploding and you want me to rest?" she yelled.

"You can't work around the clock. Sara, there are other CSIs who can…"

She started to walk away when Nick grabbed her arm, "Grissom is right. Sara you've got to slow down. You can't keep up this pace. It is not good for this baby."

"Finished?" she asked.

"Look, if I have to haul your ass out into my vehicle, you're going to rest," said Nick.

She turned away when Ellie approached them.

Nick muttered under his breath.

"This is your fault. My father is in a coma because of you," she said to Sara.

"Jim would not want you attacking his friends. He cares so much for Sara he pushed her out of the way. Shouldn't you focus your attention on Jim getting better?" asked Nick.

"I have a right to my father's things," Ellie yelled.

"Did he give you a key to his home?" asked Grissom.

"You know he didn't!"

"Then you have your answer," said Grissom.

Ellie stalked away.

They both now turned their attention to Sara.

Her phone rang and she reached for it.

"Sidle."

Grissom and Nick cursed as she walked away.

"Ben, where are you?" she asked.

"You sound like crap. I take it court did not go well," he said.

"Judge is going to make his ruling later," she said. "Jim's daughter is here."

"Sorry Sara."

"What's happening with the serial cases?" she asked.

"I need to see you about something…something I don't understand," he said in a low voice.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Not over the phone," he said.

"Ben, I'm not sure I can physically hop on a plane and come back right now."

"Are you alright?" he asked worriedly.

"Jim is in a coma, a raping son of a bitch is about to walk, the Bailey case is a screw up and then of course there's the serial murders that I've done nothing on," she said as she leaned against the wall. "Oh let's not forget Ellie who takes great delight in telling me it's my fault Jim is in a coma."

"I'm sorry about Brass. Sara, none of this is your fault. You've got to step back and let others handle some of this," he said.

"Keep me posted," she said.

"What are you going to do?" he asked.

"Well, there's not much I can do since Grissom banned me from the lab for twelve hours."

"Good for him," he said.

"I'm going to talk with Thomas and see if he can make him…"

"Sara, take the twelve hours and sleep," he said.

"I need to work," she said.

"You need to take care of yourself," he said. "Thomas will agree with Grissom."

He could hear the frustration in her voice.

"It's him. Isn't it? You're mad at the father of the baby."

She glanced down at the hall and saw Grissom. Ben could hear her cursing under her breath.

"Need me to come?" he asked. "Sara, say the word and I'll be there. Honey, I'm worried about you. You're pushing yourself too much. Step back and take a breather."

"I'm not sure I can. I need to work Ben. I need to focus on something other than Brass and…"

She stopped. She felt like she had said enough.

"I love you. You know that, right?"

"Don't," she whispered.

It was her turn to hear him curse under his breath.

"Promise me, you'll focus on yourself and the baby…nothing else. The rest is just bullshit Sara…promise me."

"You're good for me," she said feeling very tired.

"Be good to yourself…take the twelve hours and rest. Honey, you're tired. Get some sleep."

She closed the phone and sighed.

She still fumed over Grissom's boldness. If she were honest with herself, it would not have bothered her if it had come from Nick. She did not feel he had the right to tell her what to do. He had given up that right when he had stomped on her heart all those months ago. The more she thought about it the angrier she got. She took off down the hall and put some distance between them. She glanced up and no longer saw them.

She took three steps and then stopped when the contraction practically brought her to her knees. She held her breath as she forced herself to remain still as the contraction ended. She slowly tried to stand when she was caught by another one. She felt a firm hand under her arm and was relieved to see a young nurse.

"Let's get you down to admitting," she said.

Sara soon found herself in a wheelchair followed by a gown and then her own private room. She lay there on her side as she felt another contraction.

"They're slowing Sara," smiled the obstetrician.

"Is he going to be okay?" she asked.

"We'll know in a few hours," he said. "I want you to lie here on your side and remain perfectly still. The medication may make you drowsy. Try to sleep. Is there anyone we can call?" he asked.

She shook her head.

Grissom stepped out of Brass's room and looked down the hallway. He had not seen Sara since their altercation. He hoped she had left. He had wanted to take her to the townhouse but she was too angry. He grabbed his phone when it rang.

"Grissom."

"Griss, is Sara with you?" asked Greg.

"No. What's wrong?"

"Thomas has been trying to reach Sara and Ben but there's no answer. He's worried. Grissom, I didn't tell him there's been a break in Sara's serial case."

"How so?"

"The bullet removed from Brass matches the bullet found in the last crime scene in San Francisco. That could only mean the killer is here in Vegas and he was after Sara."

Note from author:

Gee, another twist? Thanks to all of you who were so nice and left a review for each chapter! I really appreciate it! Please continue with the reviews. They are wonderful to read.

Take care,

Penny


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen:**

"Call Nick and see if he's seen Sara," said Grissom as he searched the hallways.

Grissom headed to his vehicle but stopped when he noticed Sara's rental car still parked in the same place she left it the night before. He quickly returned inside and called for security.

"We need to locate a Sara Sidle. Her car is parked in the garage and we can't reach her by phone. We have information she may be in danger," he said quickly. A nurse walked by and stopped when she heard the name.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to eavesdrop but there was a Sidle admitted last night," she said.

"Admitted, for what reason?" he asked.

She glanced at security and then at Grissom.

"Threatened miscarriage," she said.

He was not prepared for that. Thoughts of their last conversation rattled in his head. He felt guilty for being so harsh but yet he knew she needed to rest. He quickly made haste to her room. He was relieved when he saw that she was sleeping. The monitors showed a feisty baby still bouncing from side to side.

_That's it…_

_Take after her…_

_She's so strong…_

He slipped his hand into hers and sat there with her as he watched the monitors. He had been relieved to hear that the contractions had stopped and she was now sleeping comfortably. She rolled setting off the alarm on the machine and she was awake immediately.

"It's okay Sara," he whispered.

A nurse came in and repositioned the belt around her waist and the heartbeat resumed.

"Is he okay?" she asked suddenly.

"He's fine," said the nurse. "Go back to sleep. The contractions stopped hours ago. We'll remove this in a few more hours. We like to monitor for at least five hours to ensure the baby is not under any distress."

She nodded slightly as the nurse left the room.

"Everyone's been looking for you," said Grissom.

"They turned off my phone," she said.

"You should have had them page me," he said.

She did not reply but closed her eyes.

"Just try to go back to sleep," he said.

"Griss?"

"Yes?"

"Tell Thomas…and Ben."

"I've called him. We've left messages for Ben."

"He had something he needed to tell me…something about the serial cases," she said.

"We'll keep trying to reach him," said Grissom.

She was asleep again.

He leaned back and tried to sleep himself.

He was later awakened by the tap on the door and saw a young man standing there.

"I'm Ben Foster. I got your message. I drove here…I couldn't get a flight until morning," he said. "How is she?" he asked worriedly.

"She's better."

"The baby?" he asked quickly.

"He's fine," said Grissom studying the man's reaction. He felt his stomach churn when the man smiled.

"Good," he said as he sighed out loud. "That's good."

She woke and stared at them both.

"Hey," said Ben.

"Ben?"

"I drove…never drive…got a ticket…damn Nevada highway patrolman wouldn't let me talk him out of it," he said with a grin.

"You're lucky they didn't take you in by the way you drive," she said.

Grissom stood and headed toward the door, "I'll leave you two alone," he said.

Ben sat down beside Sara.

"You scared the hell out of me," he said.

"I scared myself," she admitted.

"Don't ever do that again," he said kissing her hand.

"What did you need to talk with me about?" she asked.

"It can wait," he said. "No work for you for awhile."

"Have you talked with Thomas?" asked Sara.

"No, I haven't. I kind of turned off my cell phone so I wouldn't be told not to come here. I had to see you."

"Thomas doesn't know you're here?" she asked.

"Thomas wouldn't mind. Personnel might be upset. I left my staff a little short handed right now."

"You need to go back."

"I will," he said. "I just had to see you. I had to make sure you and the baby were okay."

"We're fine," she said.

"Have you told Grissom?" he asked.

"Grissom?"

"He is the father," said Ben.

She said nothing.

"It made sense. He's the reason you came to Vegas," he said holding her hand. "Have you told him?"

She shook her head.

"Tell him, Sara. I've watched you closely these past several months. You're not happy. You've cried on my shoulder many a night and thrown up in my vehicle too many times to count. I know you," he said. "You need to be here…with him. You can't work it out living in San Francisco."

"Thomas is going to be upset," she said swiping at her eyes.

"I'll handle Thomas. Do what makes you happy, Sara. Grissom made you happy…give him a chance," said Ben.

"If I had never…you've never hurt me...he has."

"I know. Hey, second best isn't so bad," he said.

He wiped a tear from her cheek and kissed her gently there.

"I'm scared...of giving him another chance," she said. "I'm not sure I can go through another rejection."

"Then don't. Pull up your sleeves and work this out. Sara, we both came from broken homes. Give this baby a home with two parents."

She nodded.

"You're good for me...so good," she managed to get out.

"Just remember that...in case he does something really stupid in the future. You know where I'll be."

He caressed her abdomen and smiled when he felt a kick.

"No casework for at least a couple of days," he said. "Focus on no one but yourself. You think you could do that?"

She nodded.

"Call me if you need me. I'll be checking my messages," he said.

He leaned over and kissed her lightly on the lips just as Grissom walked in.

"Remember what I said."

"Ben, you'll talk with me later…right?" she asked.

"Yes, I promise."

He walked past Grissom and was gone.

Grissom was unsure what to do.

He fidgeted as he stood there.

The nurse came in and smiled. "I think we can let you go home in a couple of hours."

"Any restrictions?" he asked quickly.

"Rest. Don't overdo it. It would be good if you could stay off your feet as much as possible."

She nodded as the nurse left.

"Griss?"

"Yeah?"

"Could I stay at the townhouse?" she asked.

He stared at her in disbelief.

"Yes," he said quickly.

Once she was released, they stepped into Brass's room and sat with him for awhile. She did not object when he prompted her to leave. She was tired and was ready to go home.

_Home…_

_He's been my home for years…_

_I've missed him…_

_I still don't trust him…_

_He hurt me…_

_He left…_

_He was always running away…_

_How do I tell him about the baby…_

_How will he react…_

He glanced over at her once or twice as he pulled out of the parking garage. He cursed as he reached for this phone.

"Grissom."

"Who?"

He glanced at Sara.

"You'll have to get someone else."

He cursed again.

"Sara, there's been a murder…possibly the serial case."

"I don't think I can fly to…"

"It's here in Vegas," he said.

"Vegas?"

He watched her reaction as he told her about the bullet casings and now another murder.

"He's here and he knows me," she said.

"They want us to come and view the body to confirm if it's the same killer. I'll pass it over to Nick and Warrick."

"No, I'll need to view the body…just to confirm if it's the same killer and then you can hand it over to them," she said.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes. Just view and then leave," she said.

They drove out of the city and pulled up beside the police car. They stepped into the house and were immediately met by a police officer.

"Gil Grissom, from the Vegas crime lab," said Grissom.

"Someone called and said there was a possible burglary. There was no one on the sight when I got here but I found a body inside," he said covering his mouth with his hand.

Sara and Grissom glanced at one another. She started inside but the officer stopped her.

"It's pretty gruesome miss," he said.

"It's okay. I work for the crime lab also," she said.

The officer headed toward his car.

Grissom watched as Sara walked inside. He started to follow when the officer yelled at him.

"Hey, how did you guys get out here so fast? I just got here ten minutes ago. I haven't even had time to call it in."

Grissom whirled around to stare at the man.

"You didn't call this in?"

"No."

Grissom hurried behind the officer. "Get on the radio and call for backup now!" Grissom bent down and noticed the tires had been slashed just as a shot was fired. He watched as the officer fell to the ground. He felt for a pulse but there was none. He quickly hurried back inside.

Sara stared at the body. It was a pregnant woman whose throat had been slashed. Sara stared at the walls.

"Sara, come home," she read.

She jumped when she felt a firm hand on her elbow but was relieved when it was Grissom.

"God Grissom, he wrote a message to me with her blood."

"The officer is dead," he said.

"Dead?"

"Sara, we have to get out of here," he said.

He tried his cell phone but there was no reception.

He picked up the phone at the residence but the line had been cut.

"No revolver," he said. "We can't stay here in the house. We'll have to try to make it through the woods and hope we can reach the main highway. Up for a walk?"

She glanced around and nodded.

They made their way to the back door and then hurried into the woods. They kept moving in a zigzag formation for about a mile when they stopped.

"You okay?" he whispered.

She nodded despite her heavy breathing.

"We can stop for a minute," he offered.

She shook her head and pulled him forward.

They cleared another mile when she stumbled and he caught her just before she fell.

"I need to stop," she panted.

He looked around and listened but there was no sound. He pulled her over to a huge tree and then sat down against it as he pulled her down to sit in front of him. He enclosed his arms protectively around her.

"Nothing like sitting in the moonlight," he whispered in her ear.

Note from author:

Grissom can be romantic when he tries. Thanks for the reviews. Things are going to get really busy here this evening so I am going ahead and releasing another chapter. Please continue to read each chapter and leave a review. P.S. I might be persuaded to release another chapter if the reviews come in quickly. It may be at night but I think it would be nice to see what happens with the two geeks alone in the woods...

Take care,

Penny


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen:**

"I'd much rather be in a nice warm bed," she said.

"How you holding up?" he asked.

"I'm good," she lied.

"How come I don't believe you?" he asked as he found himself taking her pulse. She gently pulled her wrist from his hand.

"I'm fine, really."

"Sara, you've got to be honest with me," he said.

She sighed.

"My back hurts along with my knees and head and stomach," she said.

"Honesty is overrated," he chided.

She grinned as she let her full weight rest against him.

"Better?" he asked.

"Better. Try your phone again," she said.

"No service," he said.

She glanced at her watch.

"You think anyone misses us?"

"I'm sure someone will be coming soon. We'll wait to hear the sirens and then try to make it to them," he said. "We could just sit it out here."

"I think I would like a little more distance between us and the killer."

He stood and pulled her up close to him. Without thinking he leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips. She was startled but did not pull away. In the end she found herself clinging to him and returning the kiss.

"Better get going," he whispered.

They started again. They walked another half mile when she stopped and leaned against him.

"What's wrong?"

"A sharp pain," she managed to get out.

He cringed. "Sit down. Sit down now!"

He tried to pull her down but she wouldn't budge.

"Sara you have to get off your feet."

He tried once more but she remained standing.

"What's wrong?"

He stared into her face and saw that she was frightened. He gently held her for a moment before pulling her down with him. They sat in silence for a moment.

"Better?"

She shook her head.

"Contraction?"

She nodded.

"Breathe deeply. Just lean back and relax. Any movement?"

She nodded between deep intakes.

He found himself massaging her abdomen as the baby kicked and rolled. He continued the motion until the baby stilled and she seemed to relax more fully.

"Better?"

She nodded.

"Any other contractions?"

"Not yet," she said as she grabbed his hand and braced for the next one.

"We're not moving. We're going to stay right here until someone finds us," he said.

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"The message was meant for me…he wrote it in blood. He killed a pregnant…woman and her baby because of…" she stopped when his arms encircled her and she felt his lips kiss her gently on the cheek.

"Don't. You are not to blame for the shooting of Jim or the death of that officer or woman. He's using you as a pawn. You know that Sara…don't play into his hand."

He rubbed her arms as if she was cold.

She wasn't.

He just needed to feel her.

"You said Ben needed to talk with you about the serial murders. Any idea what it is?"

"He wouldn't say."

"Do you trust him?" he asked.

"Yes…I do."

"With your life?"

"Yes."

He said nothing but pulled her closer.

"Sara…your relationship with Ben…"

She tensed as she squeezed his hand. She did not think it was a contraction but she felt a sharp jab in her side. She felt his hand return the squeeze and they sat there silently. Several minutes went by and no contraction followed. His hand gently massaged her abdomen and she leaned back against him as she closed her eyes. He kissed her on the forehead.

She had almost fallen asleep when he heard sirens. He stood and tried to get a fix on the location. He was relieved when he saw the lights in the distance.

"I'm going to flag them down," he said. "I want you to stay here."

She glanced around.

"I won't go far," he said as he squeezed her hand.

He began running toward the lights and soon made his way to the highway. He flagged the next car down and was glad to see that it was Warrick.

"Where have you been?" Warrick asked quickly.

"I need to get Sara out of here," he said. "I'll fill you in later."

She leaned against Grissom in the back seat as Warrick drove them to the crime scene. She started to get out when he stopped her.

"Sara don't," he said. "You don't need to see that again."

She nodded and stayed behind.

Grissom grabbed an officer. "Stay here. Don't let her out of your sight."

He nodded as Grissom stepped back into the house and came face to face with Catherine.

"Did you see the wall?" asked Catherine.

He nodded. "He took a shot at me but missed. He killed the officer instead. I think he wanted to get to Sara."

"How is she?"

"She's not good. We hid out in the woods. I need to get her home. I'm worried she may go back into labor."

"Go, we have this covered," said Catherine.

"Catherine, has anyone tried to contact Ben or Thomas?"

"Ben can't be reached. His cell phone is turned off. Thomas has been calling about every hour asking about Sara. What do you want me to tell him?" asked Catherine.

"Have him call me," said Grissom. "I have some questions. If Ben shows up, hold him for questioning."

"On what grounds?"

"I'll think of some when we locate him again."

She slept on the way to the townhouse. He quietly opened the car door and she woke. He had started to lift her but she stepped out of the vehicle leaning on him until she made her way to the couch. She let him fuss over her as he got her something to eat and then drink. She felt all energy leave her body as she curled up on the couch. She nodded off briefly but he woke her.

"I have a warm bath waiting for you," he said.

"Not sure I can stay awake."

"You'll feel better. It'll take out the stiffness," he said.

It did.

She lay there soaking in the water and smiled when she smelled the aroma of lavender. She didn't stay too long as she stepped out and grabbed the robe he had left for her. She padded out of the bathroom and found him asleep at the table. She opened the fridge and it woke him.

"Sorry," she said. "I just wanted a glass of juice."

"Feel better?" he asked.

"Much better," she said.

"You should try and sleep."

"I'm going right now," she said.

He watched as she disappeared into the guest room. He showered and then found himself checking the alarm system and making sure the patrol car was parked out front. He stood outside her bedroom. He opened the door softly and saw that she was sound asleep. He pulled the covers up and kissed her lightly on the forehead. Her hand instinctively grabbed his.

He was alarmed when she softly whimpered in her sleep as if she were in pain. He sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Stay…don't leave Griss," she cried.

"I won't," he said.

"Don't leave me again," she said as she tried to roll over and winced at the pain. He stroked her hair over and over until she seemed to calm down and settle into a more peaceful sleep. He then slipped into a chair and slept.

He woke the next morning to find her staring at him.

"You slept in the chair?" she asked.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay…no more contractions," he said. "How do you feel?"

"Tired," she said.

"Hungry?"

"Very."

She pulled herself out of bed and headed toward the shower. He watched until she was safely inside before turning his attention to breakfast.

He smiled as he watched her finish off the waffles. She yawned.

"Back to bed," he said.

She looked at him but did not protest.

She was exhausted.

She slid back into the covers and closed her eyes.

"Griss?"

"Hmmm?"

"You're waffles…are the best," she said.

He smiled. "Get some rest."

He found himself checking on her every now and then especially when she remained asleep for several hours. The soft tap on the door made him reach for his gun. He checked the peep hole and then opened the door.

"How is she? I thought I would come by and see her before shift," said Nick.

"She's sleeping. I think it's the most sleep she's gotten in days."

"I won't wake her. She needs the rest more than she needs my company," he said. "How did you keep her from the hospital?"

"There's been no change. Brass is still in a coma," said Grissom.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Want me to give her a message?" asked Grissom.

"No….just tell her to take care of herself," he said. "I can't get the sight of that message on the wall out of my head."

"Anyone heard from Ben?" asked Grissom.

"No. I don't understand. He and Sara have been pretty tight since she went back to San Francisco."

"Anything from Thomas?"

"He called last night. He didn't want to call here in case it woke Sara. He said he's coming here. He wants to see Sara."

Grissom nodded.

"We've got to get this guy. The sooner we locate the bastard, the safer Sara will be."

He was right.

"Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm worried about Sara. She seems really depressed."

"You've noticed it too."

"Catherine talked with her. She admitted she had melancholy…she's had it quite a bit….they call it baby blues. Things seem to get to her more…she started a hobby to help….gardening. She was actually looking forward to making a flower garden for Brass."

"I'll try to keep her busy," Grissom said.

Nick glanced at the bedroom. "It's good that she's sleeping. The first couple of months she cried herself to sleep every day…not sure what was wrong. I think she was hurt by someone…someone really stupid," said Nick staring at Grissom.

Grissom did not flinch. "She never told you…"

"Sara would never tell…you have to observe and figure it out for yourself…much like working a case," said Nick.

"Is she happy in San Francisco?" he asked.

"Ask Sara," said Nick.

Nick started to leave but then stopped.

"I've been pissed ever since you came back."

"I've noticed," said Grissom.

"You know you told me you were coming back."

"I was."

"What the hell happened? I mean we were counting on you to come back within six weeks and you didn't. You really disappointed…a lot of us."

"I intended to come back Nick. Believe me I wanted nothing more than to come home."

"You should have! You should have gotten your ass back here!" yelled Nick.

"Why?" asked Grissom stepping forward.

"Because we needed you man and you just…it hurt. You broke your word," he said.

"I never meant to hurt anyone Nicky," said Grissom. "Especially the ones I care about."

"You have a sick way of showing it," he said.

Grissom frowned, "Are we talking about…"

"I've got to go. Make sure she rests and doesn't blame herself. She's done enough of that lately," said Nick as he turned and left.

_She was waiting for me to come back…_

_I didn't…_

_She slept with Nick…_

_He knows she loved someone else…_

_Shit…_

_Sex without love is sad…_

_No wonder she's so sad…_

_It was never love between them…_

_This is my fault…_

_Shit…_

Note from author:

Poor Grissom. He's still clueless but Sara has not helped by telling him she is five months pregnant rather than six. BY that calculation, he knows he's not the father so he thinks it belongs to either Nick or Ben. Don't worry, the math will soon be corrected. I have loved the speculations though! Sorry for the late posting but I am just now getting to my computer! It has been a wild and crazy day. It's not going to be much better this week.

Take care,

Penny


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen:**

She found him sitting on the couch with a book. He glanced up and smiled.

"Sleeping beauty wakes," he said.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know I was so tired," she said. "How's Jim?"

"No change."

She sat down on the couch. "The longer he's in the coma, the less…"

"Hungry?" he asked.

She nodded.

"What will it be?" he asked.

"Veggie burger with sweet potato fries and a fruit shake."

He looked at her.

"A salad?"

"I can do a salad," he said. "I'm not sure it would be a good idea to have you out in the mall…maybe another day."

He turned and headed to the kitchen but stopped. "Want to help?"

They found themselves working side by side. The salads were made and placed on the table. They sat and ate in silence.

"Listen, I know we have some time on our hands so I was wondering if you could help me with something," he said eyeing her.

"Sure."

"The flower garden…it's been neglected. You think you could help me with it?" he asked.

"Nick told you, didn't he?" she said with a frown.

"Yes…but the flower garden is in need of a bit of nurturing," he said.

She stood suddenly and began to clear the table.

"I'm sorry. I just thought…"

She stared out the window at the flower garden.

"You…didn't do anything with it."

"I wasn't here. I wanted to be. I wanted to come home," he said quietly as he stood behind her.

"But you didn't."

"No, I didn't."

"Want to see what's left?" he asked.

"Not much…once you let the weeds take over, there's not much that can survive. It strangles the flowers and when there's no care given, it dies," she said as she turned and faced him with arms folded.

"With some care it could be fixed."

"It would never be the same," she said. "You just can't get back…"

"Are we talking about the flower garden or…."

"The garden," she said quickly as she walked past him. He heard the door open and watched from the window as she stood in front of the flower garden with her back to him. He watched as she swiped at her eyes and her shoulders shook.

"Garden….you were talking about us," he said softly.

He gave her a moment alone before he joined her outside.

"Rose bush is still alive," he said.

"Barely…it'll probably die this time," she said reaching out to touch a withered bloom. Its thorn dug into her finger and she yelled, "Ouch!"

"Here, let me see," said Grissom. He took her hand even though she protested and carefully pulled the thorn out. "You know roses are like people…they lure us with…"

"Brass told me….how did you…"

"I told Brass," he said quickly. "He came here right before I left on sabbatical."

"It wasn't a sabbatical. You left. Call it what it was."

"Why?"

"Because it's the truth!" she said letting her voice rise.

"No…it isn't," he said softly.

He could tell she was getting angrier by the minute.

"Ready to work?" he asked.

"Work?"

"Unless you don't think you can do it…if you can't I can get someone else…"

"I can do it," she said.

"Good," he said with a smile. He stopped and warned, "Don't overdo it. Work some and then rest."

He pulled out the tools from the shed and handed some to her along with her gloves. She took them and began working.

She gingerly knelt on her knees and began to pull the weeds. He did the same. He watched her every move.

_She's thinking about something…_

_She's weeding but she's thinking…_

_She's here but she's not…_

_Just like when she's working on a case…_

_Her hands are working while her mind is thinking about something else…_

He looked for any sign that she was overdoing it but she seemed to enjoy working in the garden. She stopped from time to time to rest. Within an hour, the weeds were gone. She glanced around and sighed.

"Just as I suspected, the flowers are gone," she said sadly.

"We'll get more…down at that nursery…"

"No!" she said slowly pulling herself up.

"Sara…"

She didn't stop until she was safely inside shutting the bedroom door behind her. She curled up on the bed and let the tears fall.

_All dead…_

_He neglected them just like he neglected me…_

_He never loved me…_

_I was just a distraction…_

_Rose bush won't survive…_

_Not a second time…_

_It's too late…_

_Jim is going to die because of me…_

_Jim loves me…_

_I wish I didn't love Grissom…_

_Ben loves me..._

_he tells me all the time..._

_why can't I love him..._

_I don't..._

_do I?_

_I love Grissom but..._

_It hurts…_

_It just hurts…_

She never heard the tap as she lay there in tears. She had not intended to have a pity party but she no longer cared. She let the tears flow as she sobbed into the pillow.

"Sara?"

"Go away…please," she said.

He started to leave but stopped.

"Can I get you anything?" he asked.

"I want to see Jim…Please Gil…I just want to see him," she said between hiccups.

"Change…I'll take you," he said.

She rose suddenly. "You mean it?"

"Yes. I think you need to see him. We both do."

They stood there in his room. Sara pulled up a chair and sat down taking his hand in his.

"I miss you, Jim. Please…don't leave me. I need to tell you how much I love you," she said swiping at her eyes. "You have to hold the baby in three months…you promised."

She laid her head down beside him and wept.

He felt completely helpless as he stood there and listened to her cry. She cried for several minutes and then the sobs slowed to quiet sniffles and then nothing. He glanced over and found that she had fallen asleep. He sat down in a chair and let her sleep.

The nurse stepped in and checked Brass glancing at Sara from time to time.

"I'll make her leave soon," he said.

"Is she the daughter that's been calling?"

"No…Ellie is his daughter."

"Pity," said the nurse leaning toward Grissom. "The daughter seems only interested in knowing if he is going to die any time soon….never asks about visitation or if there's any improvement…just if he's dead yet. Kind of sad…at least someone cares."

Grissom nodded as he glanced at Brass now thankful his friend was not conscious to know.

He nudged her gently. "Sara, we need to go."

She leaned back and felt stiff.

"I shouldn't have let you sleep that long. You've got to be sore," he said.

"Any improvement?" she asked.

He shook his head.

She glanced at Brass and then leaned forward kissing him gently on the cheek.

She walked out only to head to the nurse's station. She waited for the nurse to notice her.

"Nurse…Matthews," she said glancing at the name tag, "He seems cold, could you put another blanket on his bed? The TV…could you leave it on so he doesn't know that he's alone…it's too quiet…he doesn't need to sleep anymore, he needs to wake up."

"I'll take care of it…Ms. Sidle…right?"

"Sara…call me Sara. Call us if there's any change…please."

"I will Sara."

She smiled slightly as she walked out with Grissom by her side.

The ride home was quiet.

He expected her to retire when they returned but instead she went outside and began working in the flower garden.

"It's kind of late…"

"I just want to work for awhile," she said.

He worked by her side removing the dead flowers and shrubs. She sat there now in front of the rose bush. She had purposely saved it for last. He started to help when she stopped him.

"I want to do this," she said.

"I can help," he offered.

"No…please," she said.

He left her there as he sat down on the deck and watched as she slowly pruned the branches. She snipped away the dead buds and then loosened the soil around the plant giving it water and minerals. She sat there and stared at it.

"It'll grow back," he said.

"All things die eventually," she said.

"Sara, Jim isn't going to die," he said.

"You…don't know that," she said gulping back the tears.

"No, I guess I don't but I pray he won't. I've done nothing but pray since I got back."

"Didn't know you still believed," she said glancing at him.

"I never lost my faith Sara. I just set it aside like so many other things in my life and never tended to it….like this garden. It was beautiful…it still is. I had what most people would want and yet I neglected it until it wilted. I let the weeds grow up and the flowers die…I should have nurtured it. I should have taken better care of it…but like so many things in my life I took it for granted until it was gone."

"It's always been here…you left."

He sighed.

"Yes, I left."

"It's still here…"

"Is it?"

"We just weeded it," she said standing.

"Sara…let's stop with these cryptic messages…we did so much of that…I'm not sure we knew what the other was saying."

"We've been talking about this flower garden," she said.

"Nothing else?" he asked.

"No," she lied.

"Strange. I thought we were talking about us. I left. I intended to come back. I called you and tried to explain why I had to leave."

"You never called!"

"Yes I did. I left a message at your apartment."

"I uhm never got it. The apartment was flooded. I had to store my things…it's the reason I ended up at Nick's."

"It was nice of him to offer you a place to stay. You could have stayed here. You had the key."

"I was never welcomed here. I was suffocating you…"

"No! You weren't!"

"You said…"

"Sara, we were working on a case….I never meant…okay perhaps I did in a way. I didn't know what to do about us…I hated the secrets…you would come and go out of my bed…I hated myself for letting things get to that…"

"Stop! I don't want to talk about this anymore. It's done. I waited for you even though I told myself it was over and then you didn't come back after six weeks and…"

"You slept with Nick. I don't blame you Sara. I hurt you. I'm sorry."

"I didn't sleep with Nick!" she said now slumping to the ground in sobs. He rushed over to her trying to take her into his arms but she pushed him away.

"Leave me alone. Just leave me…just let me…"

He didn't let her finish as he ignored her protests and gently held her.

"You should try to rest," he said as he pulled her up and helped her inside.

She was tired.

She let herself lean on him as he helped her to the bedroom. She expected him to turn and leave but instead he sat on the bed beside her, taking her into his arms.

"I'm sorry Sara….so sorry…I never meant to hurt you…just want you to be happy….be happy," he whispered.

He felt her grip his neck as she pulled her body close to his. He kissed her gently on the forehead and rubbed her back. His lips slowly made its way to hers and he kissed her. She opened her mouth and let him enter. His tongue met hers and he drank deeply letting one hand caress the small of her back while the other cupped her chin. His kiss deepened until he wanted more than just a kiss. He suddenly released her jumping up off the bed.

"I'm sorry," he said as he quickly left the room.

She sat there dazed as to what had happened.

_He feels sorry for me…_

_I don't want his pity…._

She pulled back the covers and settled down in the bed.

Grissom searched through the cabinets until he found a bottle of wine and poured a glass.

_What the hell are you doing?_

_She wasn't happy with you…_

_She slept with someone else…_

_Someone who makes her happy…_

_She's not happy…_

_With me…_

Note from author:

Yes, Take shovel and hit Grissom over the head. He should have pushed for the identity of the father of the child but he didn't. He believes it's Ben….He also didn't catch Sara's slip by the Jim's hospital bed. Love can be deaf and blind sometimes…but not for long. Continue with the reviews.

Take care,

Penny


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen:**

Thomas arrived.

Grissom stood there as if expecting him.

"I'd like to talk with you first," said Grissom.

"Did something happen to Brass because we heard there's no change."

"The bullet that was removed from Brass matches the bullet found in the living room of the last victim in San Francisco. The serial killer probably shot Brass. He also suspected of killing a pregnant woman and a leaving a note on the wall for Sara. I think he tried to kill me but missed. He killed an officer instead."

"How is Sara taking all of this?" asked Thomas.

"Better now that she's been resting," he said.

Thomas started for the bedroom but Grissom stopped him.

"I don't want her working on the serial cases anymore," said Grissom.

"I agree."

"Where is Ben?" asked Grissom.

"He's in the field."

"I want to talk with him. He hasn't returned my messages."

"I'll try to contact him," said Thomas.

"Thomas, how long have you known Ben?"

"Why the interest in Ben?"

"He told Sara he had some information about the serial murders but hasn't given it to her."

"I've known Ben for years…longer than Sara. He's a good kid. He's like a son to me. If you think for a second he has anything to do with these murders…"

"I just have some questions for him," said Grissom.

"May I see her now?" he asked a bit irritated.

Grissom stepped aside.

He opened the door and she woke.

"Hey, honey," he said as he came and sat down on the edge of the bed. He pulled her into his arms and she hugged him tightly.

"I haven't heard from Ben," she said softly. "I'm worried."

"You know Ben. He's chasing some lead. He's fine. He'll show up soon. How are you?"

"Good."

"Come home, Sara."

The words made her freeze.

"What's wrong?"

"The serial killer left me a message with his last victim."

"What was the message?"

"Come home Sara."

"I'm sorry Sara. I wasn't told. I do want you home. I don't like it that you're still here."

"I can't go home now," she said.

"Why not?" he asked angrily.

"I won't do what a killer tells me to do. I have to stay. Brass is still in a coma."

"Sara, he may not come out of a coma. We'll get this bastard. I can't protect you here in Vegas. Come back to San Francisco."

"I can protect her here," said Grissom as he stood in the doorway.

"She never should have come here. She was never happy!" said Thomas. "She was happy with us! You had to come…"

He felt her hand on his sleeve and he stopped.

He cleared his throat and swiped at his eyes.

"I'm sorry Mr. Grissom. I've put in too many hours this week. I just want what is best for Sara. She's all I got left," he sniffled.

Her eyes misted angering Grissom.

"I didn't mean to upset you," he said softly. "I'm just worried about you."

He kissed both of her hands.

"You're right. You need to stay until we've caught this murderer. It won't be safe for you as long as he's running loose," he said getting up. He turned and looked at Grissom.

"You protect her. Don't let her get hurt again," he said accusingly at Grissom.

He turned back to Sara.

"You take care of yourself," he said. "No casework until you've seen a physician."

"But…"

"No buts," he said. "I'll expect you to make sure she follows my orders," he said to Grissom.

Grissom nodded.

He left as quickly as he came.

She seemed depressed from his visit.

Grissom stood in the doorway and tapped on the door.

"Feel like eating?" he asked.

She shook her head.

He came and sat down on the bed.

"Sara…"

"He treated me like a daughter when I came out of the academy. He was mad when I moved here. I tried to stay in contact with him but he was hurt and wouldn't return my calls. I sent him a card on his birthday every year. He kept every one of them…they sit on his mantle in his house."

She looked at him. "I'm all he's got," she said.

He realized how torn she felt at that moment although she had never hinted that she wanted to return to Vegas.

He had hoped.

He had even prayed.

He loved her.

There was no doubt.

He wanted her.

The absence proved how much.

He missed her.

It had been almost unbearable.

He thought he had lost her.

It almost cost him his sanity.

Had it not been for Brass who spoke regularly to him letting him know tidbits of information about Sara, he would have been lost in his own depression. When he drowned himself in a bottle after he found out she had left, it was Brass who told him all was not lost but to be patient.

He never understood that until now.

He would have to be patient.

He would have to build her trust again.

He would have to put her needs first.

He would even have to let her return to San Francisco if that was her choice.

If it became her choice then it would be his.

He was willing to relocate to San Francisco if it meant he could be with her.

Greg seemed to cheer her up as he came with veggie burger, sweet potato fries and fruit shakes.

"Greg, thanks for coming on short notice," said Grissom. "I'll only be a few hours in the lab."

"Take your time," he said as he slid in beside Sara on the bed and turned on the TV.

"What do you want to watch?" he asked.

"Something funny," she said.

Greg turned on a cartoon.

"Spongebob?" she asked.

"The square dude is cool," said Greg.

Grissom grinned as he left the townhouse.

As soon as he stepped into the lab, he was immediately met by Nick.

"I'm glad you came in," he said. "We've found some things."

"What is it?"

"Ben's fingerprints were found at the last crime scene," said Nick.

"Has anyone been able to reach him?" asked Grissom.

"No. Griss, his fingerprints were found on the wall…he probably wrote that note…I don't know how Sara is going to take this," said Nick.

"Anything else that ties him to the murder?" asked Grissom.

"We went back and checked the other murder cases. He worked on every one. He didn't want Sara to work the serial cases…he even argued with Thomas about it but Thomas had hired Sara for the high profile cases and the serial murders fit the billing. He and Sara have worked every case together."

"So he could have been covering his own tracks," said Grissom. "But why screw up now?"

"Maybe he got messy. Maybe he thought Sara was going to stay here in Vegas and not go back…the murders began again right after Sara left San Francisco," said Nick.

"Any reason why he may have quit and then started up again?" asked Grissom.

"Not yet. Maybe he has a kind of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality. When Sara jilted him, he killed but then he became remorseful after he calmed down and stopped. They started up again a few months ago."

"Exact date?"

"April 11th"

Grissom stared at Nick. "Brass went to see Sara then."

"Maybe he got afraid Sara was going to return to Vegas."

"Maybe," said Grissom.

"What are the other dates?"

Nick rattled them off.

"They matched the dates Brass visited Sara," said Grissom.

"It ties the attempt on Brass's life to the other murders even more," said Nick.

Grissom glanced at his watch. He had already been in the office for several hours.

"Should we tell Sara?" asked Nick.

Grissom stared at Nick.

_You tell her…_

_I've hurt her enough…_

"I'll tell her," said Grissom quietly.

"I don't envy you. She's going to be hurt and mad," he said walking away.

Note from author:

I feel sorry for Grissom and sad for Sara…please continue to be sweet and review each chapter. It is the reason I write.

Take care,

Penny


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen:**

He stepped inside to find Greg and Sara playing cards.

Greg frowned as Sara smiled.

"You cheat," he said.

"I do not," she said. "I just learned a few things from someone."

"Warrick," he whined.

"Nope," she said.

"Thanks Greg," said Grissom as he grinned at Sara.

"I wouldn't play with her," he whispered.

"I'll keep that in mind," said Grissom as he waited until the young man left.

"Used that card trick I taught you?" he asked.

She nodded.

"He's right. You did cheat," he said with a slight grin.

"Any change?" she asked.

He shook his head.

She sighed out loud.

"Feel up to talking?" he asked.

"About what?" she asked not wanting to make eye contact.

"Us."

"No."

She put the deck of cards away in the drawer and stood.

He stepped forward so that he was facing her.

"We….stopped talking," he said. "I blame myself. I didn't like hiding our relationship from everyone so I hid my feelings from you. It was wrong. I should have told you…"

"I don't want to hear this Grissom. It's in the past."

"Is it?"

"Yes. I've moved on."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Is it Ben?"

_Please tell me you don't love Ben…_

"Yes."

He flinched.

"Do you love him?"

"What would you know about love?" she yelled.

"I deserved that. You shouldn't yell. It's not good for you or the baby."

"You have no right to be concerned about me!"

"Yes I do. I love you."

She stared at him.

He stepped forward.

"Sara, I love you. I've loved you…"

"No you don't! People who love one another don't…I'm not doing this."

"Talk to me!" he said feeling frustrated.

"I'm not doing this," she said as she sat back down on the couch.

He sat down across from her.

"I had committed myself to the six week course a year ago. I had planned to beg out but then when we were having problems I thought it would be good for us to be apart for awhile."

She started to get up but he blocked her.

"I was ready to come back within a week. Sara, I missed you. A colleague of mine had an affair with a student. It cost him his wife. It was also going to cost him his tenure…he wanted to try to work things out with his wife but needed someone to cover for him. I agreed. I didn't want to. I wanted to come home to you but he was desperate. I had no idea when I called that Catherine would tell everyone I was not coming back. She misunderstood…the reception was worst at best that day. The next thing I know personnel called requesting a letter of resignation. I called the lab immediately and Catherine told me you had left. I submitted my resignation then. There was nothing to come back to Sara. I thought I had lost you."

She glared at him. "You did!"

"Do you love him?"

"Yes."

He flinched again.

He turned away.

He did not like the idea of hurting her.

He felt as though that was all he did these days.

"Have you heard from Ben?"

"No…why the questions about Ben? Has something happened?"

"Sara, we think Ben may have written the note on the wall…he may have been involved in the death of the pregnant woman and the officer."

"That's a lie!"

"Ben's fingerprints were found at the crime scene."

She stared at him in disbelief.

"Sara…"

She jumped up from the couch and hurried to the bedroom. She grabbed her phone and dialed his phone number. She cursed when she got his voice mail.

"Ben, it's Sara. I need you. I need you to call me, please," she said brokenly. She turned her back from Grissom.

"Sara, I'm sorry…I had to tell you." He slowly divulged the rest of the evidence that had been collected. He knew that if Ben were a stranger, Sara would agree the evidence was telling her Ben was the killer. He watched helplessly as she struggled to make sense out of what he had just told her.

"Leave me alone," she said quietly.

He started to walk out when her phone rang. She quickly answered.

"Ben?"

"Sara, what's wrong?"

"Where are you?" she asked.

"In Vegas."

"Why are you here?"

"Serial murders," he said. "Sara I wish you never were assigned to those cases."

"What's wrong Ben?" she asked.

"I never wanted you to get hurt," he said.

"Ben, you need to come here. I need to talk with you," she said.

Grissom stepped closer. The thought of Ben near Sara made his blood chill.

"I can't," he said.

"Ben, they found your fingerprints at a crime scene…a pregnant woman…was murdered."

"Do you think I did it?" he asked.

"Why were you there?" she asked.

"Sara, do you think I did it?"

"Were you there?"

"Yes."

She sat down on the edge of the bed and tried to stop the shaking.

"Why were you there?"

"Sara, do you think I did it? Do you think I could kill someone?"

"I uhm…"

"I've got to go…I'll try to stay in touch. Sara, if anything happens…"

The line went dead.

She sat there staring at the phone.

"Sara?"

She said nothing but remained still.

They both jumped when Grissom's phone began to ring.

"Grissom."

He glanced at Sara.

"Where?"

"Keep me informed," he said.

Their eyes locked.

"Someone fitting Ben's description was spotted a few blocks from here," said Grissom. "He managed to lose them. They're trying to locate him now. There's a warrant…"

She shook her head.

"I don't believe this. I don't believe he did this. I don't believe he killed them…I should have told him that."

She flipped the phone open and tried to reach him but the phone rolled over to voicemail.

"Ben, it's Sara. I trust you. I don't believe you did it. Come to the lab. Please…turn yourself in…Thomas and I will sort this out," she begged. "Ben, please…please don't run."

Grissom started toward her but her hand went up.

"Leave…me…alone," she said brokenly.

He stepped out of the room and braced himself against the wall. He heard her muffled crying and it tore at him.

_What if Ben is the father?_

_How is she going to handle this?_

_What if he is the murderer?_

_God, she'll blame herself…_

_How will she react to the baby?_

He wasn't sure how long he stood there. When he no longer heard anything, he peeked inside and saw that she had cried herself to sleep. He stepped in briefly and covered her with a blanket before leaving once again. He left the door open in case she stirred.

He slept on the couch.

He woke every hour or so and checked on her. It was a fitful sleep. She tossed and turned. He kept placing the covers on her with each trip to her bedside.

He closed the door slightly when his phone went off as he headed towards the living room.

"Grissom."

"Griss, bad news," said Warrick.

"What happened?"

"They found Ben…looks like an apparent suicide. He shot himself in the head. He was holding a picture of Sara…God, Grissom. Sara doesn't need this right now," said Warrick.

"Warrick, I need you to go over this case with a fine tooth comb," he said. "She's not going to accept this unless we can prove to her…on her terms…that he killed himself."

"Understood," said Warrick.

He cursed as he closed up his phone.

He didn't want to tell her.

He thought about calling Nick.

He was sick of hurting her.

"Gil? What's wrong?" she asked from the doorway.

His jaw twitched.

It was going to hurt.

It was going to hurt like hell.

"Sara, sit down," he said quietly.

She came and sat down on the couch. "Is it Jim?"

He shook his head.

"Ben?"

"There's no easy way to tell you this. Ben is dead."

She stared at him as if he had grown two heads.

**Note from author:**

I know…another twist. Please leave a review!

Take care,

Penny


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen:**

"That was Warrick on the phone. They found Ben…he'd been shot."

"Any suspects?" she whispered not sure of her own voice.

"Sara…it looks like a suicide."

Her hand covered her mouth as she shook her head.

"Sara…"

"I don't believe you," she said standing.

"Warrick and Greg are there on the scene…"

"I want to see his body," she said.

"No."

"I have the right to see his body. He has to be identified by next of kin…I was listed…He had no one else but Thomas and me…you have to let me see him," she said.

"Sara, please don't put yourself through this," he said.

She turned and headed toward the bedroom.

"I'm getting dressed and I'm going," she said.

He knew he could not stop her. He stood at the door and waited until she was ready. When she reappeared, he stood there and said nothing as he opened the door and walked out with her. She got into his vehicle without protest. She said nothing but stared out the window as they drove to the lab. Her hands sat wrapped in themselves as they shook. She stared at them as if they had a life of their own. His hand reached out to take one of them but she pulled away. Once they arrived, she headed straight for the morgue.

He was there right behind her. Doc Robbins glanced up when he saw them both.

"Just arrived," he said.

"Could you give us a minute, Doc?" asked Grissom.

"Yes," he said as he stepped back.

Sara came to stand in front of the body that lay underneath the sheet. Her hand trembled as she reached for the sheet but Grissom grabbed her hand and held it as he motioned for Robbins to do it. He stepped forward and lifted the sheet.

Sara stood there and stared at the lifeless body. She remained expressionless. Grissom motioned for Robbins to cover the body but she stopped him. She brushed his hair back along his forehead and stared at the small gaping hole on the side.

"He was left handed," said Sara. "The gunshot residue… should be on his left hand."

"I'll keep that in mind when I do the autopsy," said Robbins.

"You think he felt anything?" she whispered.

Doc stared at Grissom.

"He most likely died instantly…he knew…someone knew what they were doing," said Doc.

She started to touch his cheek when Doc stopped her.

"Sara, you can't touch him."

She nodded as her hands fell to her side. Grissom attempted to take one when she turned and fled the room.

He hurried after her as she rushed into the women's restroom. He went in after her as she headed to a stall spilling the contents of her stomach again and again. She felt a cool paper towel placed on her forehead and she turned to find him standing there.

"Let me take you home," he said.

"I have to tell Thomas," she said. "He has to know…he needs to know."

He led her to his office and shut the door quickly behind them. She was already pulling out her phone.

Thomas was not in the lab. She glanced at her watch and tried his cell. She tried to remain calm when she heard his voice on the line.

"Thomas, it's Ben."

"Sara, you sound strange. What's wrong?"

"Ben…he's…dead."

"How? What the hell happened?"

She tried to tell him. She couldn't find the words. She stared at Grissom.

"How do I tell him?" she asked laying the phone down and walking away.

She heard Grissom's voice as he spoke softly with Thomas. The conversation seemed to last forever as she felt the pounding in her head. She sat down on the couch and held her head in her hands. Nick tapped lightly and she glanced up to see him as Grissom talked on the phone. He quickly came and sat down beside her, pulling her into his arms.

She felt cold.

She was cold.

She couldn't seem to get warm.

She shivered even though Grissom was now placing a blanket around her. She felt Nick beside her. She saw his arms around her and yet she could not seem to feel anything. She felt bone tired and yet she wasn't sure if she would ever be able to close her eyes without seeing Ben's body there on the cold slab.

She felt as cold as he did.

She felt someone pushing her down on the couch. She looked and it was Grissom but it was strange not being able to feel the warmth from his hands. His hands were always warm. Nothing seemed warm now. Grissom held her hand as Nick hurried out of the room.

It was odd these feelings or lack of feelings.

She thought she would surely fall apart the moment she faced his dead body.

He was dead.

He had cared for her these past few months.

He had made her laugh and smile and forced her to focus on the pregnancy and not the past.

He had held her hand and then her body when she was racked with sobs.

He had held her head when she couldn't keep anything down for several weeks and sat up with her when she was too depressed to care anymore.

He had kept her going.

He had said those three little words so many times to her while it had taken Grissom years to do it. She believed those words when they came so freely from Ben's mouth but she could not bring herself to believe Grissom. His actions told her he did not love her. Ben's actions told her that perhaps she had made a mistake by not letting go of any dreams with Grissom and she probably had just lost any chance at being happy with another man.

In the end it came down to trust.

He had asked her several times if she thought he did it and she had not replied.

She cursed inwardly.

Doc Robbins was there now.

She knew where Nick had hurried off to now.

She felt the stethoscope on her chest followed by his hand on her wrist. He checked her pupils.

_I'm here…_

_Still breathing…_

_Still living…_

_Ben's not…_

_Ben is cold and lifeless…_

_Never saw him so cold and lifeless…_

_So still…_

"Sara?" he asked softly.

Her eyes were now fixed on the man in front of her.

"Sara, can you hear me?"

"Yes."

"How do you feel?"

_What kind of question is that?_

_How the hell am I supposed to feel?_

"How do I feel?" she repeated.

"Any contractions?" he asked.

Reality slammed into the sanctuary within her mind.

"No," she said.

"Are you in any pain?"

_What kind of question is that?_

_Of course I have pain!_

She nodded.

"Where?"

_Just my heart…_

_Grissom broke it…_

_Ben tried to mend it…_

_There's too many pieces now…_

_They don't seem to fit anymore…_

"Sara?"

"You finished the autopsy?" she asked.

Doc glanced at Grissom.

"You're talking to me…not him," she said.

"Yes."

"What are your findings?"

"It will be in my report," he said.

She clamped her hand down on his arm and would not let go.

"What are your findings?"

"Suicide."

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Sara, you need bed rest. Your blood pressure is through the roof. I'm going to prescribe something that will help you sleep…it won't harm the baby," he said.

She said nothing as she watched him leave. She closed her eyes and then felt herself being lifted. She kept her eyes closed as she soon found herself in the Denali and then the guest bedroom at the townhouse. She lay on her side as her arms rested protectively around the bulge that moved from side to side. She heard a doorbell and then soft voices.

Grissom appeared with a tray. He helped her up even though she did not want to sit up. He set the tray in front of her and she stared at the soup in front of her.

"Greg picked it up…it's your favorite. He wants a rematch. Warrick showed him a card trick," said Grissom.

She sat there with spoon in hand and stared at the bowl.

"Sara, you've got to try to eat something," he said.

The contents of the bowl slowly disappeared. She managed to get most of it down before he handed her a small pill and a glass of water. She took both and then slid down between the covers.

She expected the sleep to come.

It didn't.

The nightmares came instead and she faced all of the victims including Ben.

She had lost Ben.

He had been her security.

She felt vulnerable now.

Her screams caused him to hold her tightly until she finally slept without the dreams. She slowly opened her eyes and felt something pressing against her back. When she tried to move, his arms clamped tighter about her waist. She struggled once more but then gave up when he kissed her lightly on the forehead and whispered something to her. He was still asleep. She turned and stared into his face.

It felt odd to wake up with him next to her.

It had been her dream for so many years.

_He left me…_

_He didn't want me…_

When she glanced up at him again deep blue eyes stared into hers.

"Morning," he said softly. "You kept dreaming…you seemed to sleep better with me holding you."

"I'm sorry. I'm awake now," she said. "You don't have to hold me anymore."

"I didn't mind," he said quickly.

She rolled away and he released his grip on her. She swung her long legs over the side of the bed and sat there. She cursed when she tried to stand on wobbly legs. She hated sleeping pills. There always seemed to be after effects. He was already up, standing nearby watching her as she slowly made her way to the bathroom. Once inside, she shut the door and sat down on the edge of the tub as she tried to shake off the lingering effects of the sleeping pill.

"You okay?" he asked behind the door.

"I'm taking a shower," she said.

She listened for his footsteps and when she did not hear any, she reached over and turned on the water. He had already fixed breakfast when she stepped out fully dressed. He stared at her.

"Want some breakfast?" he asked.

She wanted to eat but alone.

She did not want his stares or pity.

She forced herself to sit down and eat. Her stomach revolted a few times but she managed to eat everything and she finished the juice as she swallowed her prenatal. She stood now and insisted on cleaning up. He pretended to pick up things but she noticed the objects returned to their original spot.

"Thomas is flying in this morning," said Grissom.

She nodded slightly.

"I'm going to the hospital to visit with Jim," she said.

"You think you should?" he asked. "Your blood pressure…"

"It's better," she said.

She was surprised when he pulled out a blood pressure kit and set it on the counter.

"Let's see."

She sat down and silently willed herself to remain calm.

He glanced at her.

"It's still high."

"Just a visit," she said quietly. "I want to see him."

He nodded. "I'll take you."

"I can drive myself." She realized that was not going to be possible.

She sighed.

She had wanted to be alone.

"The rental car is still at the hospital," she said.

He knew.

He had already been prepared to drive her.

She said nothing as he drove her. He attempted several times to talk with her but she said nothing as she sat there with hands in lap.

Grissom opened the hospital door.

He had given her some privacy with him sensing she wanted to be alone.

"You shouldn't stay too long," said Grissom.

She glanced at him but said nothing.

"Nick is outside," said Grissom. "He wants to see you."

"Tell him to go home," she said. "I'm fine."

Grissom sighed as he stepped outside.

"She said for you to go home," said Grissom.

Nick started to go in but Grissom blocked him. "She's tired, Nick. Wait until tomorrow."

"You're watching her right?" asked Nick.

"Yes."

"She'll tell you she's fine when she's not. She's not as tough as she lets on," said Nick.

"Nicky, I won't let anything happen to her. I'm not going to leave her alone."

He nodded and then walked away.

Greg appeared later followed by Warrick and Catherine. She refused to see any of them but remained with Jim.

He let her remain alone in the room for several hours and then he stepped back inside.

"Sara, we need to go," he said.

"I'm staying," said Sara.

"You're tired," he said.

"I'm staying!"

"Stop pushing yourself. It's not good for you or…"

"Stop telling me…"

"Would you two argue somewhere else?" asked Brass. "I'm trying to sleep."

Note from author:

Don't you just love Brass's timing! Thanks for the reviews…keep them coming. I am going to be very busy again today so I will post as soon as the reviews are in. I am going out of town next weekend on another ghost hunt so we will need to finish this up before I leave!

Take care,

Penny


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty:**

"Jim?" she asked while squeezing his hand.

"Hey kiddo…just like old times…the two of you at each other," said Brass.

"Hey Jim. How do you feel?" asked Grissom.

"Much better if you two could get along," he said.

Grissom buzzed for the nurse.

"Why did you do that? Now, they'll be in here every hour driving me nuts. You know they never let you rest in these places," said Brass.

Brass stared at her.

She seemed different.

"You look awful," he blurted out to Sara.

"I could say the same thing to you," she said.

"You know I'm feeling really tired right now…we'll have to talk about this another time," he said trying to assess whether she was ill. Something was wrong. He was sure of it.

"Get better," she said as she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

"I haven't forgotten that flower garden," he said.

"Get some rest. I'll see you tomorrow."

She yawned as she stepped inside the townhouse.

"Hungry?" he asked.

"Too tired," she said as she headed straight to the bedroom.

She lay there trying to sleep but with each kick she found herself sitting up.

"Just like your father," she muttered.

He tapped on the door with a tray.

"I heard you up," he said. He set the tray down.

She took the sandwich. She did not realize how hungry she was until she saw the food. She finished it off and then drank the milk.

"Thanks," she said.

She yawned again.

"Can't sleep?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"Want another sleeping pill?"

"No."

There was a tap and Grissom made his way to the door.

It was Thomas.

"I'm sorry about Ben," said Grissom.

"How is she?" he asked.

"She's better. Brass is out of his coma," he said.

Grissom watched as the old man's face turned into a slight smile. He knew what the old man was thinking. There was nothing keeping Sara here now. He would push for Sara to go back to San Francisco. She met him in the living room. She seemed pale and tired and beautiful.

They exchanged glances before he boldly walked up to her and grabbed her into his arms. He said nothing as they stood there while Grissom retreated to the kitchen to make coffee.

"I uhm don't know what to say," said Thomas gruffly. "He was like a son to me."

"He loved you," she said.

It made the old man cry. He swiped at his eyes as he turned his back to her and looked out the window.

"I'll take him home," he said.

"He uhm wanted to be cremated," said Sara. "I signed the papers…they were waiting until you got here…in case you wanted to see him before…" she stopped.

Thomas remained at the window.

"Did you see him?" he asked.

"I had to know if he really…yes, I saw him," she said.

"What was the finding?" he asked.

"Suicide," she said softly.

"I'm sorry Sara."

"Thomas?"

"Yes?"

"Don't see him…like that. I wished I hadn't," she said. "I can't get it out of my head. I don't think I ever will."

He turned now and walked quickly back to her. She sat there on the couch with hands grasped firmly together.

"Sara, come home," he said as he sat down across from her.

"Jim is still in the hospital," she said.

"He'll be out soon," he said.

"I need to make sure he's okay," she said.

Her eyes pleaded with him.

"You're needed back at your job," he said suddenly.

Grissom's head shot up.

"I uhm…"

"Sara is in no condition to be working at this time," said Grissom coming to stand in the living room.

Thomas refused to look at him.

"I'll hold them off for awhile…a few days," he said wringing his hands. "I'll book you a flight in three days."

Grissom stepped forward.

She seemed confused.

She stared at her hands.

"Sara?" asked Thomas.

"I can't leave Brass just yet…no."

Thomas flinched.

Grissom held his breath as he prayed Sara would stay firm.

"I'm not leaving until Jim is okay."

Thomas sniffled and it made her look up.

"You take care of yourself," he said getting up.

"Thomas?"

He continued for the door.

She hurried after him as she grabbed his arm.

"Thomas, this doesn't mean I don't love you any less. I've already lost Ben. I don't want to lose anyone else. Please Thomas," she said urgently.

He patted her on the arm.

"It's okay Sara. I'll do what I can to cover things. I hope Brass is better soon. I need you home Sara."

She held him tightly for several minutes and she heard him whisper softly to her. "You promised."

It hurt.

He left quickly.

She stood there staring at the door.

"Can I get you anything?" he asked.

She continued to stare at the door.

"Sara?"

"No," she finally said.

"I'm sorry about Ben," he said.

"He killed all those people," she said.

He didn't want to discuss this with her. She had been through enough.

When he didn't reply, she did.

She turned and stared at him.

"You specialize in serial killers. Why? Why did he do it?"

"Sometimes we never know what sets them off."

"Why?" she asked again.

"Sara…"

"He didn't do it…I don't care what the evidence says. He didn't do it."

She retreated to the bedroom once more shutting the door behind her. Hours went by and she did not emerge. He thought that she had fallen asleep but when he went to check on her, he heard her curse as she rolled to the other side of the bed.

"Can't sleep?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"Baby?" he asked

She nodded.

"Could I feel him?"

She nodded as she closed her eyes.

She felt his hands glide over her abdomen as he gently caressed it. He smiled when he felt the baby kick.

"So strong…like you," he whispered. He continued to gently massage until the baby's kicking eased.

"Better," she whispered.

"Just try to sleep," he said.

She was already asleep.

He leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips.

He quietly pulled up the covers.

She was up early the next day.

"Want to go in early and see Brass?" asked Grissom.

She nodded.

"I'll drive you."

"Greg is coming to pick me up," she said.

"I don't mind going with you…"

"It's fine. I have it covered," she said staring at the omelet.

"Hungry?" he asked.

"Very."

He said nothing when she left with Greg.

Grissom went into the office and stared at the paperwork. He grabbed the forms and threw them in his briefcase. He reviewed the assignments and then glanced at his watch. Greg had offered to keep an eye on her. He hoped she had not been able to give him the slip. Catherine tapped on the door.

"How are you doing?" she asked.

"Buried in paperwork."

"How is Sara?"

"She's dealing with it."

"We heard Thomas came to see her."

"He wants her back in a few days."

"He didn't take long to pull out the whip and chains."

"He's afraid she's going to change her mind and stay."

"You're afraid she's going to leave."

He said nothing.

"I saw Brass this morning. He looks good. They're going to throw him out soon. Not sure how long the nurses will put up with him."

"Brass is not going to ask for help but he's going to need it."

"He could stay with me," said Catherine.

"I was hoping he would stay at the townhouse," said Grissom.

"You think if Brass stays there, Sara will continue to stay also."

"She just needs time to rest. She won't get that if she goes back to San Francisco."

"You have any other reason?" asked Catherine.

"I just want her to be happy."

Note from author:

I love Grissom…when his mouth is not getting him in trouble. The reviews have been fun! Please continue. Guess who finds out about the baby in the next chapter?? Yep, Grissom.

Take care,

Penny


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty One:**

Grissom sat there in the hospital room and grinned while Brass complained to the nurse.

"I like hospitals really but do you think I could get out of here soon?" he asked. It had been days and now Brass was growing restless.

"I'll talk with your physician," said the nurse with a smile.

Ellie had disappeared.

Nick had gone over to check on her and she had checked out. No one said anything to Brass about her appearance at the hospital. They felt it was best to say nothing.

Grissom waited until the nurse left.

"Jim I need a favor."

"I'm not sure I'm in any condition to be doing favors," he said.

"I need you to stay at the townhouse when you get out of here."

"Thanks but no thanks. I plan to lounge at my own place…"

"Thomas is pushing for Sara to go back to San Francisco. She's not ready to go back to work. She wouldn't if she had something to do…take care of you."

"And here I thought your invitation was because you loved me."

"She won't admit it but she needs some time off."

"You two work things out?" he asked.

"She says it's over," he said.

"Are you going to settle for that?"

"No…but Thomas is pushing her…I just want her to be happy. If San Francisco makes her happy then…she's physically and emotionally not ready for work."

"She'll stay if I stay?" asked Brass.

"Yes…I think."

"I get the master bedroom?" he asked.

"Sara has the guest room."

"Where are you going to sleep?"

"In the other guest room."

"Isn't that where Sara is sleeping?"

"Is it a deal?"

"What's a deal?" asked Sara as she stepped into the room.

"I've been trying to talk Brass into staying with us while he recuperates. He's going to need some help for awhile."

"I'm not a complete invalid…."

"You can't stay by yourself," said Sara.

"Play cards with me?" asked Brass.

Sara grinned. "I think that can be arranged."

Grissom smiled.

He left them to talk. An hour passed and she stepped out.

"Ready to go home?" he asked.

"Greg was supposed to…"

"He got caught up on a case," said Grissom.

They drove back to the townhouse and she spent the next several hours working in the flower garden. He kept his distance giving her space, only checking on her every now and then. She returned inside and grabbed a bottle of water.

"Flower garden is looking nice again," he said.

"It needs plants," she said.

"You could pick them out and I could have them delivered," he offered.

She glanced at him but said nothing.

"What are your plans for the baby?" he asked.

"Plans?"

"Sara the baby will be here soon."

"I uhm…I haven't had time to think about…"

He looked at her.

It wasn't true.

She had already been approved for twelve weeks of maternity leave. She and Ben had scouted out a daycare center near the apartment complex and after close inspection she had felt comfortable with the idea of leaving the baby there. Ben had even offered to babysit from time to time. She had grown dependent on him without even realizing it.

Now, he was gone.

"I need to shower. I have an appointment this afternoon," she said.

"Appointment?"

"Doctor appointment," she said as she turned and walked away.

He quickly came around the counter. "Is everything okay?"

"Just a check up," she said. "I thought it was best since…" She stopped and headed toward the showers.

_She's worried about the baby also…_

He stood there with keys in hand when she returned to the living room.

"You look tired. I thought I would drive you…please."

She sighed.

In truth, she was tired. She had stopped when her mind would not rest.

_I can't shut down…_

_Something is not right…_

It was good she was not going alone. He tried to make conversation on the way. She felt he was pumping her for information.

_What if he finds out?_

_I'm too tired to hide this anymore…_

"Have there been any complications?" he asked. "I mean the doctor appointments have been routine?"

"Yes."

"Good."

She was not prepared for his next move.

He got out of the vehicle walking beside her without asking. She said nothing as they stepped into the doctor's office. She signed in and took a seat. Within minutes, she was called.

"Ms. Sidle."

She stood and felt him following. She said nothing somehow needing the support today.

"I understand you have a regular OB in San Francisco?" asked the nurse.

"I'm here on business," she said. "I went into preterm labor but they managed to stop it. It's time for my regular check up and I didn't feel I should delay it."

"You made the right choice," smiled the nurse.

"Any complications right now?"

"No…just very active when I try to sleep."

"Taking your vitamins?"

"Yes."

"Let's check your urine and then blood pressure."

Sara disappeared for a moment and then returned with cup in hand.

"Urine is good. Any problems with blood pressure?"

"Some," she admitted.

Grissom became alarmed.

"It's a bit high today."

"Oh."

The nurse glanced at her. "I'll check it again in a little while."

"Any other complications?"

She glanced at Grissom for a second.

"I uhm have blurred vision…not often but sometimes…I'm a little dizzy after I've been up for awhile."

"When you lie down, is it better?"

"Yes."

"You'll need to monitor your blood pressure…could be hypertension. Try to avoid stress, limit your work…maybe early maternity leave…when are you going to take maternity leave?"

"I uhm haven't been working the past several days…I feel like I haven't really worked in weeks…I uhm had a few injuries just scrapes and bruises from uhm a shooting…my job." She looked at the nurse.

The nurse frowned, "I see. Let's check that blood pressure again."

Sara sat there quietly.

The nurse looked at her.

"It's still high. Are you under a lot of stress from work right now?"

_Stress?_

_I have nothing but stress…_

"I'm not working. I'm on medical leave for a few weeks," she said.

"Are you under stress?"

Sara did not reply.

Grissom knew the answer but said nothing.

"I'll put you in room 3. The doctor will be there in a few minutes."

She stood and he followed.

Once the door was closed, she turned and looked at him.

"You don't have to stay," she said.

"Can I stay? I won't get in the way," he said.

She stood there a bit awkward.

"Griss, I have to change," she said.

"I uhm…I'll turn my back," he said. He walked over to the window and glanced out.

"You look beautiful…you know."

"I don't feel like…You can turn around," she said.

He stood there while she stared at the examining table.

"Need help?"

She reluctantly nodded.

He grinned as he helped her. His hand rubbed her back while the other rested on her abdomen.

"I think pregnancy is the most beautiful act of nature," he whispered.

The doctor stepped in and glanced at Grissom.

"Is this Mr. Sidle?" she asked.

"No," they both said in unison.

"I understand your blood pressure is high."

"I thought it was just a little high," said Sara glancing at the nurse.

"It's high," said the doctor. She flipped through the chart and then glanced at Sara. "I'm sorry I didn't remember you at first. You came here when you first found out you were pregnant. There's a note in the chart that says you moved to San Francisco. You're twenty six weeks along."

Sara glanced at Grissom as he stood there shell shocked. She knew his brain was working in overdrive with the calculations. She felt lightheaded.

"Let's do your examine and then talk about the blood pressure."

Grissom stepped back into the corner so that he was near Sara's head.

She could not see his reaction.

_Is he angry?_

_Is he happy?_

_He must be angry…_

_I hid it from him…_

"Baby's measurements look good… on the small side…very active?"

"Yes."

"That's good."

"Let's listen to his heart beat for a moment."

The doctor grinned. "He has hiccups right now."

Sara smiled. "He gets them a lot."

"Can I listen?" asked Grissom quickly.

The doctor glanced at Sara.

She nodded.

He was quiet.

Words could not express his feelings at that moment.

It was his.

The baby belonged to him.

There was no way she could deny it now.

_Why didn't she tell me?_

_She purposely kept this from me…_

_She led me to believe…_

_I never asked…_

_She never told me…_

_I was afraid to ask…_

_She was probably afraid to tell me…_

"Let's check that blood pressure again."

She glanced down at Sara.

"It's worse."

_He knows…_

_He's going to be angry…_

_I'm not strong enough for a confrontation…_

_I need Ben…_

_Ben is dead…_

"I've never had a problem…"

"Pregnancy does all sorts of things to our bodies. High blood pressure is one of them. I want you to monitor your blood pressure for a week and if it remains high then we need to prescribe medication. Limit the stress…as well as work."

"Work?"

"If you have to work, try to take regular breaks…avoid stress as much as possible."

Sara nodded even though she knew that was impossible.

She dressed and they were on their way home. She expected him to immediately begin with the questions when they were alone but he was quiet. She sat there and said nothing as she tried to control the trembling in her hands.

_I need Ben…_

_Ben would calm me down…_

_Ben would tell me to give him a chance…_

_Ben would…_

_I miss Ben…_

Once they were back, she retreated to her room but did not bother to shut the door this time. He left her alone for awhile before coming to stand in the doorway.

"The baby is mine Sara."

She couldn't deny it.

She was too tired to fight with him.

She scooted down in the bed and laid on her side.

"Kicking again?"

"Just a muscle spasm," she said.

"Blurry vision?" he asked.

She nodded.

"I don't want to upset you. He's mine, isn't he?"

"Yes," she said softly.

He stared at her.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You left…remember," she said.

She didn't want to talk about this.

She wanted him to leave.

"I was coming back."

"That's not what we were told."

He sighed.

"Look, we can work this out."

"Work out what?"

"Sara, I love you…"

**Note from author:**

What do you think Sara is going to say? So, Grissom finally knows but there's a few more problems headed their way… By the way, it looks like there are thirty four chapters.

Take care,

Penny


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter twenty two:**

"Do you think I would believe you now?" she asked in tears.

"It's true," he said quietly.

"I don't care."

"You should have told me. I had a right to know," he said. "It was selfish of you to keep him from me. He's my son…mine!"

He seemed shocked at his own words. He had not intended to say those words out loud. He was just hurt that she had kept it from him all this time.

"Selfish?" She yelled. "Selfish is refusing to talk to me…getting up and leaving me after sex…not wanting to tell me what's wrong when I tried to reach out to you…our child was conceived during one of those romps in the bed. You made me feel like I was intruding into your life and then I find out I'm pregnant and as soon I try to tell you, you're leaving town….leaving me with the mess."

"A baby is not a mess," he said quietly. "A baby is a gift from God."

"The mess was our relationship. You're right, this baby is a gift. It's the only thing that got me through this…and Ben. This baby is my life now…the only thing that matters. Our relationship ended a long time ago. It's like that rose bush out back. It's dead and it doesn't even know it."

She choked back tears through the speech and once she was done, she slumped back down in the bed. She thought of the many nights she had cried and cried over Grissom and it was Ben who had comforted her. He had offered over and over to search for Grissom. Ben had really loved her.

The pain hurt.

It was deep and she felt wave after wave of guilt.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I didn't mean to make you upset."

She felt vulnerable as she lay there not caring whether he heard her or not. She kept her eyes shut tight as she prayed he would soon leave her alone.

"Get some rest," he said quietly.

He closed the door slightly.

It was not the reaction he was seeking but he had gotten her to admit the baby belonged to him. He set about preparing dinner when she ventured out of the room and stepped outside. He glanced out the window and watched as she went to the flower garden.

She was back in before dinner was finished.

"How's it coming along?"

"The rose bush is dying," she said sadly.

"We can get another one."

"Some things can't be replaced," she said without thinking.

His head shot up and he stared at her.

_Are you referring to us or…_

She realized what she had said.

The words were not intended to be spoken aloud.

She had wanted to replace Grissom.

It would have been for the best.

The child growing inside her belonged to him.

_Just like I do…_

_I belong to Grissom…_

_Whether I want to or not…_

_**But **__he hurts me…_

_Ben never hurt me…_

_So gentle and loving…_

_Was willing to let me come back…_

_Just to make me happy…_

The sight of the pregnant woman's body flooded her thoughts.

_He didn't do it…_

_He didn't do it…_

_He didn't do it…_

She sat down at the counter.

"How's Jim?" she asked forcing herself to think of something else.

"Wanting to leave…they're going to release him tomorrow."

"Good."

He set the table as she helped.

"I've been thinking about my situation…living here…" she began.

His pulse began to race.

_She's going to leave…_

"Jim is looking forward to spending time with you," he said quickly.

"He is?"

"Yes."

She said nothing more.

He was relieved when she dropped the subject.

Once they were finished, they did the dishes together. She roamed around the townhouse picking up books and glancing through them. He sat there pretending to read as she walked past him.

She yawned as she glanced around the room once more. She stretched and then saw him watching her.

"I'm uhm going to take a shower," she said.

"Why don't you take a bath? It might ease the sore muscles," he said.

She nodded.

She retrieved her gown and stepped into the bathroom to find he had already prepared the bath.

"I missed the smell of lavender," he said.

"Thanks," she said as she stood there.

"I'll give you some privacy," he said.

He stepped out and purposely planted himself on the bed with his book.

She hesitated for a moment before stripping off the clothes and then stepped inside the tub. He noticed she had not bothered to shut the door.

"Not too hot?" he asked.

"No…it feels good."

"Be careful with the stitches in your hand when you try to get out."

She was quiet.

"Sara?"

"Hmmm?"

"Don't go to sleep," he said.

"Feels good," she murmured.

He grinned.

"You always did love a warm bath. You used to soak in the tub especially after we…"

"Had sex…I remember. Later, I used to just dress and leave."

He didn't like the word on her lips when referring to their moments of intimacy.

"I was going to say after we made love."

"It was sex," she said.

"No…it wasn't….not to me anyway."

"You never said anything…I recall you rushing out of the bed…."

"I wanted more than a few hours in bed Sara…that's what I was trying to tell you. I wanted more but didn't know how to fix our situation. I was your boss and you were my employee."

"You never said anything to me…you turned away…often leaving me in bed alone."

He came to stand at the door.

"I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to hurt you. I thought some time away would clear the air between us and I could figure out a way to fix this."

"I came over here that day to tell you about the baby but then I saw the leave request."

"I had already begun to pack. Sara, I wanted to explain things to you but you left."

"I thought you were trying to tell me it was over…I didn't want to hear it. I'd felt it for weeks."

"I'm sorry…I hurt you…I just wanted things to be better between us…give us time to think."

"We had more than just boss-employee problems. We didn't communicate. I never knew what you were saying at times…I was sick of the cryptic messages," she said.

"Me too."

She patted her stomach when the baby kicked.

"Sara, we can make this work if we try."

"My parents fought all the time. They did nothing but argue. By the time I was seven I was working on my first ulcer….I was actually relieved when it was over. No more screaming or endless trips to the emergency room…"

"Sara…we are not your parents," he said quickly.

"Yes…we are. The arguing…the lack of communication, the sudden departures…the unexpected pregnancy," she said so softly he had to read her lips. She stared directly at him.

"I was a mistake…they married…for the sake of the baby….I wonder what my life would have been like if they hadn't married…maybe they wouldn't have fought and perhaps my father would be alive and my mother wouldn't have a criminal record. Some heritage I can share with this baby."

"Sara you're going to be a good mother. We are not going to turn out like them. Don't let your past overshadow…"

"I'm not!" she said now trying to get out of the tub. He quickly came and assisted her while handing her a towel. He took the moment to pull her close.

"I do love you….even if you don't love me anymore," he said. "I am happy about the baby and I don't consider it a mistake," he said. She stepped back and he took it as a sign he had pushed too far. He stepped out leaving her to dress. He sat there on the bed when she walked out.

"We'll need to pick up Jim tomorrow," he reminded her.

She nodded.

"Night," he called.

"Night."

She took her vitamin and crawled into bed. She lay there on her side as the baby continued to kick and kick. She tossed from side to side but sleep did not come. She wanted nothing more than to close her eyes and shut down. Her brain went into overdrive reprocessing every detail of the serial murder cases. Each victim's face flashed before her and then she saw Ben's.

_You killed them…_

_Why…_

_I trusted you…_

_I can't believe you killed them…_

_So gentle…_

_So kind…_

_So giving…_

_Never selfish…_

_I trusted you…_

_You would never hurt me…_

_You protected me…_

_You kept me safe…_

_Now you're gone…_

_Now you're gone…_

_Why do I feel so empty..._

She wasn't sure when she began to cry.

The pillow was wet.

She didn't care.

She hurt.

She gulped back the flood of tears.

_I'm drowning…_

_I have to let this go…_

_I have to stop…_

_I need to focus on the baby…_

_That's what Ben would say…_

_He would hold me…_

_He would wrap his arms around me…_

_I felt so safe in his arms…_

_He's gone…_

She heard the door open but said nothing when he spooned his body up next to hers and held her.

His hand massaged her abdomen as he gently kissed her on the forehead.

"I'll hold you until you fall asleep," he said. "Let go Sara."

"I can't shut down," she said.

"Yes, you can."

"He couldn't have killed those people," she whispered.

"Let it go…close your eyes. I'm here," he said.

"I don't trust you," she said between sobs. "You'll just leave when things get bad."

"No…I won't. I'll earn your trust again," he said pulling her closer. "Just try to sleep."

She woke to find herself curled up next to him. She tilted her head and he smiled.

"Good morning," he said.

She glanced at the clock and began pulling herself up.

"Sorry," she murmured.

"For what?"

"Sleeping on you," she said.

"I missed sleeping with you…want some breakfast?"

She yawned.

"Breakfast would be good," she said as she slowly made her way out of bed.

Brass was barking orders the moment they stepped inside the room. The nurse smiled at Sara.

"You are a saint to put up with this one," whispered the nurse.

"I heard that," said Brass.

Sara smiled.

Brass glanced at Sara.

"You look tired. You getting enough rest?"

"I'm ready to play cards," she said.

Brass smiled. "I'm better than Greg."

"I'm not afraid," she said with a smile.

They were home soon. Brass was sent to bed. He didn't seem to mind. She sat down on the bed and held his hand.

"It's just you and me now Kiddo. Tell me what's bothering you?" asked Brass.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

"Better than you," he said.

"I'll be fine now that you're here," she said.

"Sara, I know you cared a lot about Ben. I'm sorry," he said.

"I uhm...," she never finished but shrugged her shoulders.

"We can talk when you're ready." He kissed her hand.

"It's hard trusting him again. Isn't it?"

She nodded.

"Give him a chance, Sara. He really does love you."

"He knows the baby is his," she said softly.

"Good," he said. "I always knew."

"He said you were in touch with him," she said.

"You want to kick my ass, don't you?" he asked with a grin.

"It can wait…until you're better….and you least expect it," she said getting up.

"Great, now I have a pissed off pregnant woman and a bullet wound."

"What's worse?" she asked at the door.

"I wasn't born yesterday….the pregnant woman of course."

"Get some sleep," she said closing the door.

She leaned against the door for a moment and suddenly realized he was watching her.

"We need to check your blood pressure," he said.

"Not right now," she said.

"Why not?" he countered.

"Later," she said.

"Sara, high blood pressure during pregnancy is serious…."

"I don't need to be reminded," she said coming to sit down on the couch.

He stepped into the kitchen but returned with the blood pressure kit. She leaned back trying to calm herself as he checked it. He glanced at her once he set it aside.

"I know," she said. "It's high isn't it?"

"I think you need to lie down," he said.

"I'm sick of the bedroom," she said.

He grabbed a pillow and forced her to lie down on the couch.

"Can I get you anything?" he asked. "Anything bothering you?"

She shook her head.

"Sara, Brass is here with us. He's going to be fine."

"I know…that now," she said.

"Is there anything else that's bothering you?" he asked.

She said nothing but remained silent.

"Greg offered to bring you a veggie burger," he said.

"Veggie burger, sweet potato…"

"I'll call Greg."

She smiled as she closed her eyes. "Don't forget to get an extra pillow before bed time. I'm not sharing mine," she said.

"There's one in the closet along with a blanket. Thanks for reminding me," he said. "You can lie on the couch for as long as you like. I'm not ready to sleep," he said.

She opened her eyes and glanced at him. "You intend to sleep on the couch?"

"Yes."

She closed her eyes again biting her lower lip. "You could….sleep with me."

He smiled. "You sure?"

"Yes…I'm sure."

The house was quiet until a noise came from the master bedroom. Sara's eyes shot open and she glanced at Grissom.

"He snores?" she asked.

"Apparently so," said Grissom smiling.

"Good," she said closing her eyes once more.

"Since when is snoring good?" he asked.

"I know he's breathing," she said.

Note from author:

See the improvements…. Continue with the reviews.

Take care,

Penny


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty Three:**

He slept the first couple of days. She slipped about checking on him from time to time. Grissom returned to work but slipped about checking on her. She still had problems with sleeping. He had offered the sleeping pills but she refused. She blamed it on the pregnancy but he knew better. She seemed troubled and confused and angry. Thomas did not help matters as he called every day checking on Brass's progress and asking when she would be returning.

He was more persistent with each phone call. He had thought she would return for the funeral but she refused saying Brass was too weak to be left alone. Brass was already up taking walks outside and had beaten her a few times in cards. He still tired easily and took naps in the evenings. He prompted her to do the same as he knew that as the pregnancy progressed, her energy level would diminish.

It did and yet she struggled each time to sleep. She tried to stick with the graveyard shift schedule but soon everything was a blur as she wasn't certain if she would ever sleep a full eight hours again. The pregnancy had forced her to sleep more. There were times in San Francisco when ten hours was not enough but now she would gladly settle for four hours these days. Her head pounded and she knew her blood pressure was getting worse.

She hid the blood pressure kit from Grissom. He found it and gave it to Brass. He managed to coax her into a reading or two and frowned when he read the results. It was getting worse. She knew it. She needed sleep. She hated sleeping pills and yet she found herself needing them now as she worried about the baby. Today had been one of the worst. Brass had forced her to lie down on the couch threatening her if she got up. She couldn't even if she wanted to at the moment. She was just not up to doing much. Her phone rang and she glanced at the caller ID.

It was Thomas.

"Hey," she said.

"Sara, personnel says they'll need another medical statement if you are going to continue working here," he said.

"I'll get one," she said.

"Maybe you should come back and see your own personal obstetrician," he said.

"I've already seen one here," she said.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm tired," she said.

He continued with the conversation as she continued to answer that she was not sure when she would be returning. The conversation had not ended well. Thomas had practically hung up and Sara had struggled with dealing with the situation.

She went to the bedroom and tapped on the door before entering.

"Hey," she said.

"Did you get any sleep?" Brass asked.

"I tried," she admitted.

"Come sit with me," he said.

She sat down on the bed.

"How about a movie?" he asked.

She glanced at him.

"I don't think we've ever watched a movie before," she said.

He handed her the remote.

"You pick."

She flipped through the channels but stopped on the news. They listened as the reporter talked about the serial murders and then Ben's face was flashed across the screen. She stared at it.

_He was going to tell me something…_

_He protected me…_

_He could never kill…_

"Sara?" asked Brass.

She sat there and listened to an interview with the DA and then Thomas.

"He looks tired," she said. "He's probably pulling doubles."

"He doesn't have to in his position," said Brass softly.

"He's not like Ecklie. He worked side by side with us. He said he never wanted to be just a paper pusher."

"Turn it," said Brass quietly. "We've seen enough."

"He was angry with me on the phone earlier," she said.

"Why?"

"I couldn't tell him when I would be back."

"Do you want to go back?" asked Brass.

"He needs me back," she said.

"Sara, what do you want?"

"I missed you," she said. "I missed all of you."

"We missed you too but we want you to be happy. Sara, do what makes you happy. If you need to go back to San Francisco, we'll understand. I'll make up some excuse and visit you," he said.

"Grissom…"

"Grissom wants you to be happy."

"It would hurt him."

He smiled.

_Finally some honesty…_

"I thought you still loved him," said Brass. "Sara, he really loves you. He'll do anything to make you happy."

"Even let me go back to San Francisco?" she asked.

"Even that," he said softly.

He didn't mention that Grissom was prepared to move to San Francisco.

"It hurts," she said.

"What hurts?" he asked.

"Trusting him…again," she said sadly.

"Are you talking about Grissom or Thomas?"

"Both."

And there was the jest of the problem.

She loved them both.

She didn't want to hurt either.

"If they really love you, they'll support any decision you make…I do," he said.

"I've always trusted you," she said.

She kissed him tenderly on the cheek and then left. He listened as he heard her bedroom door open and then shut. Grissom tapped at the door later.

"How is she doing?" asked Grissom.

"She's torn," he said. "She's afraid Thomas will turn his back on their relationship again if she stays."

"Does she want to stay?" asked Grissom.

"Gil, would you really let her go? Would you let her get on a plane carrying your child to live in another state?" he asked.

Grissom was quiet for a moment. "If it will make her happy…she seems so sad."

"Tell her to go," said Brass.

"I uhm…"

"Tell her. Let her know…she's hurting."

He nodded slightly and closed the door.

He paced the floors for an hour or so and then slowly made his way to the bed he had been sharing with her. He had been gentle and patient, letting her come to him during the night. She would curl up next to him and he would lie there and listen as she tried to sleep. He would find himself softly quoting Shakespeare or some sonnet that came to mind while gently caressing different places on her body in hopes of helping her to sleep.

It helped sometimes.

It could not prevent the nightmares that still came but they were not as painful. She would awaken and then seek comfort in his arms. He would pull her tightly against him and kiss her tenderly.

It was another fitful night when he slid in next to her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered when he thought he had awakened her.

"I wasn't asleep," she said.

"I'm worried about you," he said. "You're not sleeping enough."

She knew.

She was trying.

"Did you talk with Thomas today?"

She nodded.

"Sara, Jim is fine…he's not ready to return to work but he'll be fine…if you want to go back to San Francisco, then go."

"I wouldn't come back," she said.

"I want you to be happy. I'll support any decision you make…just don't cut us out of your life. I want to be there when the baby is born…if you'll let me," he said. "Just promise me that whatever decision you make it's what you want. Your happiness matters." She turned to face him. She knew he was being honest.

"You would have liked Ben," she said.

"You miss him, don't you?"

"He took good care of me. He helped me get an apartment, held my hand through the morning sickness and the bouts of depression. He covered for me in the field when I was too tired to work a double. He was there without asking. He never asked for anything in return. He offered me his love and I gave him nothing. You think…that's what caused him to…all those people…he seemed upset when we processed each body saying it was a sick bastard that would do something like that…I don't understand. I just don't understand," she choked out.

"You don't have to understand. Sara, cry. You can cry. I'll hold you," he said.

He felt the wetness on his shirt and then he felt the dam give way and her silent tears turned to sobs. He held her tight as she finally gave way to the pain. He could do little but hold her and rock her gently back and forth as she continued on and on until finally she stopped as quickly as she began. He listened and realized she had finally fallen asleep.

He slept little that night. His emotions were raw and he gulped back his own tears. He did not want her to leave and yet he had to let her go. He cursed at Thomas and how he had done nothing but push with each phone call. It had to end. She needed for it to end.

_I can let her go…_

_I can let them both go…_

_God, this is going to hurt like hell…_

_I just want to be with her…_

_With our child…_

_I'm not sure if she'll want me to come to San Francisco…_

_What if she doesn't?_

Note from author:

I so love Grissom. Yes, I've heard about Billy's decison to leave in season nine... it was no surprise...just let him leave with Sara! LOL Please continue with the reviews!

Take care,

Penny


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty Four:**

It was unusual to hear the alarm clock. He had been so engrossed in his own thoughts that he had lost track of time and he quickly shut it off. He was surprised she was still sleeping.

_Six hours…_

_This is good…_

He gently slid out of bed but stopped to glance once more at her sleeping form. She seemed more at peace now and he grinned when he saw the small bulge move from side to side.

_At least one of them is sleeping…_

He finished his second cup of coffee when Brass joined him.

Grissom glanced at him.

"You look tired," said Grissom.

"At least I don't look like shit," said Brass. "You look awful."

He finished the cup and headed for a third, pouring Brass a cup as well.

"I uhm heard her last night," said Brass.

"She finally cried…about Ben," said Grissom softly.

"You think she's okay?" asked Brass.

"She's been sleeping now for seven hours…that's good."

Brass nodded.

"Did you tell her?" asked Brass.

"Yes…I did. It hurt like hell," he said.

He finished the coffee and headed for the door but stopped. "Call me and let me know when she wakes," he said.

"Don't worry. I'll keep an eye on her," said Brass.

He finished off a pot of coffee and decided he would not sleep that night. He regretted the caffeine. He sat there now staring into her bedroom as she continued to sleep. When she did not wake after twelve hours, he called Grissom.

"Are you sure she's okay?" Grissom asked worriedly.

"She sleeping peacefully…a few tosses here and there but she's sleeping. I turned off her phone," said Brass.

"Good."

"I'll keep you posted on our sleeping beauty," he said as he hung up.

She woke after fourteen hours. She lay there and then glanced at the clock. Brass watched as she slowly stretched and then pulled herself up. He went to the kitchen and warmed the lasagna.

"Nick dropped off this vegetarian lasagna Mandy made," he said when she entered into the kitchen.

"I'm starving. He's been kicking me for the last hour to get up," she said.

"You needed the rest," he said.

He sat with her while she ate and when she finished, he smiled as she hurried off to the shower while he set up a board game of scrabble. She returned fully dressed and sat down across from him.

"Ready to be slaughtered?" she asked.

"My my…you would think she ate wheaties this morning," he teased.

She glanced at the clock and then at Brass.

"He's working a double," he said. "Nothing to worry about."

"I'm not," she lied.

"Yes you are. You've seen how tired he is," said Brass. "He's worried about you."

"He shouldn't…I'm fine."

"Right," he muttered.

"My phone hasn't rung," she said suddenly.

"I have a confession. I turned it off. You were sleeping so peacefully, I thought that if it was an emergency, they would call back."

She picked up the phone and saw that Thomas had called three times.

"I should call him," she said stepping away.

He watched as she stood in the bedroom and made the call. He could tell it had become heated and he wanted nothing more than to strangle the bastard. She closed the phone and stood there for awhile before returning to her spot.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I told him I wasn't coming back to San Francisco," she said.

He stared at her and tried to hide the smile.

"You sure?"

"You never pushed…neither did Grissom…he told me he just wanted me to be happy," she said.

"Are you happy…here?"

"I love Grissom…I think I've loved him forever," she said. "I'm still scared…like hell Jim but then I don't want to go back there and feel like I did before…I ached all the time…for him," she said not bothering to hide the tears that threatened.

"I take it Thomas did not like your decision?" he asked.

"No…he sounded odd."

"Thanks," he said.

"For what?" she asked.

"No, that's my first word and a triple word score at that."

She grinned. "Take no prisoners," she said.

"Bring it on," he said. "Hey can we play for potato chips?"

"I think that can be arranged."

She got up and looked in the kitchen cupboards.

"Sorry, we're out. I can run down to the market and get a bag…if you promise not to look at my tiles while I'm gone."

"Are you accusing me of cheating?" he asked.

"Anything else besides chips?"

"I nice six pack of …."

She glared at him.

"Bottled water," he muttered.

She was out the door in seconds.

The doorbell rang a few minutes later and he chuckled. "Forgot something?" he asked as he opened the door and found Thomas standing there.

"She's not here," said Brass. "What are you doing back here in Vegas?"

Thomas stepped inside and looked around. "I needed to finish up some business here."

"Sara is not going back with you."

"She will."

"She told you she wasn't going back."

He turned and pointed the gun at Brass.

"She will when you're dead…as well as Grissom."

Sara cursed when she glanced down and realized she had left her wallet. She drove back and stepped into the house to find a gun pointed at Brass.

"Thomas?"

"You were always surprising me Amy," said Thomas. "I thought you would be gone for awhile."

"Thomas?" she asked as she walked towards them.

"Sara, stop," warned Brass.

"I've missed you," he said. "You were always getting into things. Your mother used to complain but I told her you were just a curious child. You used to let me brush your hair every night…that stopped when…you changed. Why did you have to change Amy?"

Sara shook her head. "I'm not Amy."

"You're my little girl. You shouldn't have run off like that. Your mother blamed me…the long hours at the office sifting through countless dead bodies. I blamed her…she would never leave the bottle alone. You hated it when she drank. I thought when I got rid of your mother, you would come back but you didn't."

"Got rid of her?" asked Sara glancing at Brass.

"Everyone thought it was an accident…I guess there are perks for working in a lab."

Sara's eyes remained fixed on Thomas. He stared at her as if he were seeing someone else.

"I found you….you didn't think I would be able to track you down but I did. I brought you home. You didn't like it. You threatened to run away. I couldn't have that." He stared at Sara for several minutes before he began talking again. "You're not Amy are you?" he asked swiping the sweat from his forehead while holding the gun.

"No, I'm Sara."

"Amy is in the basement…she tried to get away one night and she fell. She was dead before I could get to her. I buried her in the basement. You reminded me so much of her. But then you left…just like she did. It made me angry. I felt nothing when I killed the first one…I had already killed my wife and caused the death of Amy. I would have killed you but then you did something that Amy never did…you called, you wrote…you sent me cards."

His hand began to shake and he held the gun with both hands.

"You told me you loved me. The anger went away for awhile...but then it came back. I though I had found a way to entice you back. Grissom had not promoted you event hough you're better than any of the others. I was hopeful...for the first time in years when Ben called and told me you had gotten yourself pregnant and you wanted to come home."

He stared at her with anger in his eyes.

"Ben was so excited with the thought of having you back that he never thought that there would be problems. I knew you would somehow wind up back here. Ben was already telling me that we needed to urge you to go back to Vegas…he said you were in love with someone and that you did nothing but cry. He wanted to send you back here…said it would make you happy. I wanted him to shut up. It made me kill again. I thought I could control things…make sure you didn't find out about my problem but then Ben found out. I think he suspected something which is why he wanted you to come home…he was going to try to persuade me to give myself up. I don't know how he found out…maybe I finally slipped up and left something behind. It didn't matter. I couldn't have him filling your head with bad things."

Sara swallowed hard. "You killed Ben."

Note from author:

Ben was innocent. I couldn't have Sara fall in love with a psycho...well, not in this story anyway. LOL Please leave the reviews so we can continue.

Take care,

Penny


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter twenty five:**

"He…was a casualty," said Thomas as he began to cry. "He wouldn't listen. I killed him." He looked at her and waved the gun in her direction making Brass nervous.

"I would kill him again if it meant I would get you home again but then Brass screwed things up," he sneered at Brass.

"Sorry," Brass said quietly. "What can I say I'm a likable guy?"

Thomas pointed the gun back at Brass.

Sara quickly walked toward Thomas. "Thomas, please don't hurt him."

"It sucks to get old. I intended to kill him and Grissom. I missed both."

"Not by much," said Brass.

Sara stared at Brass and silently pleaded through her tear stained face for him to stop antagonizing Thomas.

"I'm coming home," she said.

"No, you're not. You told me yourself on the phone today."

"I changed my mind."

"You keep doing that," he said as he stared at his shaking hand. Sara leaned up against the couch concealing her purse. She fumbled through it when her fingers touched cold hard steel.

Grissom had put a revolver in it weeks ago. She had forgotten about it until that moment. She slipped it out and cocked it slowly. Thomas stared at her.

"You should have come home," he said.

"Thomas, please put the gun down," she begged as she pointed the gun at him. His eyes grew wide.

"Like I said, you were always full of surprises," he said as he turned his gun toward her.

"You want me. Not her," said Brass.

"Put the gun down," said Sara.

"The question is who can fire first," said Thomas.

"Don't make me shoot you," she said as she gulped back tears.

"I'm already dead Sara. I've been dead," he said. "I just wanted you to come home. I didn't want to be alone anymore."

"You're not alone," she said. "Put the gun down…please Thomas. I don't want to lose you too."

His eyes misted. "You really did care didn't you?"

"Please…" she begged.

"I can't do that," he said as he cocked the gun sending Brass to his feet but then there was the sound of guns firing. Thomas fell to the ground and Brass kicked the gun away from his hand as he whirled around. His heart caught in his throat when he saw her standing there still holding the gun. He was there immediately.

"Sara, you okay?" he asked quickly.

"I thought he would put the gun down…he didn't," she said.

She felt strange as she stood there staring down at his body.

"I uhm killed him," she said. "I killed Thomas."

She looked in horror at the body and then back at Brass.

"I killed him…I loved him like a father and I killed him. Oh God Jim…what have I done?"

"You defended yourself," he said trying to pull the gun from her hand but her hand grasped the handle firmly.

"Sara, you need to give me the gun," he said.

"I don't understand. He killed all of those people," she whispered. She held back a sob but another slipped out. "He killed Ben. He killed Ben because of me…because I didn't go home. Ben is dead because of me. Thomas and Ben are both dead…because of me," she said as she visibly shook.

"This is not your fault. Thomas did this…not you. Give me the gun, honey," he said softly.

She let him take it from her hand.

He looked down and then horror filled his face as he grabbed her side. Her eyes followed his and noticed his hand was now red. She thought it was strange how the blood seemed to ooze out of her and yet she did not feel anything.

"I need to check this," he said. He pulled up her blouse and saw a deep gash but he did not think the bullet had entered her.

"I'm going to sit you down over here on the couch," he said as he began to lead her there. Her feet shuffled not wanting to move from the spot.

He quickly opened his phone and dialed 911 reporting the incident while he hurried into the kitchen and grabbed a clean towel. He returned and held it against her side.

"I know this might sting but I need to stop the bleeding," he said.

She said nothing as she stared at Thomas. His eyes were open and they were fixed on her. She returned the stare. She watched as Thomas's blood seeped onto the floor. She seemed fascinated with how quickly it pooled and thickened. Her eyes continued to stare at the lifeless body while Brass tried to stop the bleeding. She felt her stomach revolt and she grabbed Jim's arm.

"I think I'm going to be sick," she said.

"Look at me…not him," he said. He tried to block her view of the body. The blood trail increased. He checked her wound and then glanced at her.

"Sara, I want you to look at me," he said. "The bleeding hasn't slowed. Are there any contractions?"

She shook her head.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"I uhm don't feel anything," she said calmly.

The sounds of ambulance and police cars descended on the house. Brass had already opened the door. He seemed relieved when Grissom ran through the door.

"How is she?" he asked quickly as he glanced once at the body on the floor and then knelt in front of Sara. His hand replaced Brass's as he kept the towel firmly pressed against the wound.

"It's deep…it won't stop bleeding," said Brass as he headed toward the door in search of the paramedics. They arrived soon and Brass led them inside.

The paramedics removed the towel and examined the wound. "It's deep but it looks as if the bullet didn't enter…miss…we're going to move you to the ambulance."

The paramedics assisted her as she stood under their guidance.

"Just lie down on the…she's passing out," one warned.

She was quickly placed on the gurney as they checked her vitals.

"Blood pressure is through the roof…is she on any medication for it?"

"They were monitoring her for it…it's been high for about a week or two," said Grissom.

"We're leaving now," yelled the Medic.

He jumped into the ambulance as they headed to the hospital. She was conscious again and she felt his hand in hers. Thomas's words played again and again in her head. He had killed so many in the name of love. Her thoughts then turned to Ben. Ben had found out but had tried to save Thomas only to lose his life.

_Sweet sweet Ben…_

_Always thinking of others…_

_Always wanted me to be happy…_

_Always told me he loved me…_

_He did…_

_Now he's gone…_

She closed her eyes from the stares of the others. She did not wish to be on display now. She wanted nothing more than to fall apart. It was long overdue. She had lost the only man who could have replaced Grissom by the man she loved like a father. The same feelings of abandonment and loneliness she had felt that day her mother had killed her father came swirling back.

_I should have trusted Ben…_

_I trusted Thomas instead…_

_Thomas hurt me just like Grissom…_

_Ben just wanted to love me…_

_I loved him…_

_But not like Grissom…_

_Just wanted to feel safe and loved…_

_Never going to feel that…_

A tear slipped down her cheek and it was quickly wiped away. Her eyes remained shut. She did not wish to see the person who sat trying to comfort her. She felt herself drifting and then voices as she slipped into unconsciousness. Grissom cursed when he was forced to leave her side.

He paced the hospital hallway waiting for news.

A nurse came out.

"Mr. Grissom?"

"Yes."

"Ms. Sidle is doing fine. The physician wants to keep her overnight just for precautionary measures."

He sighed in relief.

"Can I see her?" he asked.

The nurse brought him to the room. She was sleeping so he slipped into the chair quietly. Within minutes she was awake.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"I want to leave," she said.

"Just one night…just to make sure everything is okay. Your blood pressure gave us quite a scare," he said.

"I don't want to stay," she said.

He didn't know what to say.

"Grissom…please," she said.

"Sara, it's just a night…a few hours…I'll stay with you," he offered.

She closed her eyes in defeat.

She felt him take her hand.

She said nothing but kept her eyes closed.

"You want to talk about it?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"Brass told me you wanted to stay…I'm glad," he said. "I'm sorry about…"

"He uhm killed Ben. I let Ben die thinking I didn't trust him."

"Sara…"

"I don't want to talk about this," she said rolling away from him.

He sat there with her.

She tried to sleep but couldn't.

The nurse came in and checked her vitals.

"Can't sleep?" the woman asked.

"I've been sleeping," she lied.

The nurse glanced at Grissom.

"How is the pain?" she asked.

"The pain?"

"The wound…how is the pain?"

"It's fine," she whispered.

"Would you like to talk with someone….we have a counselor on duty….he could come and speak with you," the nurse offered.

"No."

"Ms. Sidle…"

"I want to leave," she said.

"In the morning," replied the nurse.

"Now."

"The physician is not going to release you until morning."

She pulled the covers off and slipped her feet over the side of the bed. "I'm leaving now."

"You can't do that," said the nurse.

"Yes, I can. I can sleep…"

She had wanted to say she could sleep at home. She was not ready to call the townhouse her home.

"I'll call the physician on duty and he can talk with you," offered the nurse.

"Good cause I'm leaving."

Grissom waited until the nurse left.

"You're not leaving," he said.

"Yes…I am."

"Sara, you're not thinking straight. If you were, you would stay. You don't want to place the baby as risk."

She stared at him.

He was right.

She just wanted to fall apart somewhere other than the hospital.

He pulled the covers back and gently lifted her legs. He covered her as she lay on her side. A single tear dropped.

"Tomorrow morning," he said.

She nodded as she closed her eyes.

"I could hold you," he offered.

She did not accept but then he did not care as he pulled her into his arms. His hand stroked her hair over and over. The nurse returned but he motioned for her to leave. She slipped back out. He eased her back into the bed but continued to stroke her hair as her eyes remained shut. Soon, she was asleep.

Note from author:

So much drama but its ending. Speaking of ending, I finally wrote the ending to this! Hooray! Everyone take a deep breath and repeat after me, there will be a happy ending…

Leave a review!

Take care,

Penny


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty Six:**

She woke to find him asleep by the bed.

She tried to move but the pain in her side caused her to cry out.

"Sara!"

He buzzed for the nurse before she could stop him.

The nurse hurried in.

"She's in pain," he said.

"I forgot…about my side…I'm fine…I just need to get up," she said.

His hands were there helping her to ease out of the bed.

She was sore.

She pushed his hands away as she walked gingerly to the bathroom, shutting it behind her.

He stood outside the door and listened.

She opened the door and they came face to face.

He intended to help her back to bed but again she shrugged him off.

"I'm fine," she said. "I'm leaving today."

He understood then.

She had no intention of showing any weakness.

She wanted to leave.

He waited for the doctor to make his rounds. Dr. Roberts stepped in and examined the wound. It had bled quite a bit but the bullet had only grazed her. They had been more concerned with the loss of blood and her anemic condition as well as the blood pressure.

"Your blood pressure is still up a bit. I'm going to prescribe something for it and I want you to make an appointment with your OB within a week for a follow-up."

She nodded.

"Any restrictions?" Grissom blurted out.

"She just needs to rest…keep the wound clean…we'll give her something for the anemia and the blood pressure."

She was back at the townhouse within a few hours.

He was not sure whether he should bring her back there.

The gang had cleaned up the blood once the scene had been cleared.

She stepped inside and found herself drawn to the place where he had died.

She stared down at the floor.

"No blood," she said.

"You should rest now," said Grissom.

She continued to stare when Brass took her hand.

"Go lie down," he said.

She nodded and then left the room.

"She okay?" asked Brass.

"She's been quiet…except last night… she wanted to leave the hospital…she finally gave in."

"I'm going to check on her," said Grissom as he slipped into the bedroom.

He sat down on the bed. "Can I get you anything?"

She shook her head.

"You need to eat something," he said softly.

"I'm not sure I could hold it down," she said.

"How about some light soup and a sandwich?" he offered.

She said nothing but knew he would be persistent.

It was good.

She needed someone to think about things like that at the moment.

She ate a little of the soup and part of the sandwich.

Once lunch was done, she burrowed herself down into the covers.

"Want me to stay with you?" he asked.

She shook her head and waited for him to leave. When he made no move to leave, her eyes shot open.

"You can leave," she said.

"I'll just sit with you until you fall asleep," he said softly.

She swore under her breath.

She did not want him there.

She wanted to fall apart.

She wanted herself to feel the loss of Ben and now Thomas.

She wanted to admit that she felt guilty for the women who had died by the hands of Thomas.

She remembered the pregnant woman and her hands protectively wrapped around the bulge that kicked.

Thomas had killed her because he had been angry with her.

He had wanted to kill her but instead killed someone else.

_It could have been me…_

_He could have killed me …_

_And my child…_

She gulped back the tears and a small sob escaped her.

"Sara?" he asked.

"Go….please."

"I don't think I should…"

"Go!" she said.

He knew she intended to grieve alone.

He knew that she had not even accepted Ben's death and now she had to face the death of Thomas at her own hands.

If that was not bad enough, she had to face the fact that Thomas had been a serial killer.

He didn't want to leave her.

He hesitated before slowly getting up.

"I'll check on you in a little while," he said.

He stepped out and came face to face with Brass.

"You left her alone?" he asked angrily.

"She asked me to leave," said Grissom.

"You should have refused."

"I was trying to give her some privacy to grieve. She needs to grieve and not hold it in."

Brass muttered under his breath. "Kid has been through enough. I should have known something was not right with Thomas. He was just too pushy to get Sara back to San Francisco."

Grissom went into the kitchen and poured a glass of juice.

"Got anything stronger?" asked Brass.

"Yes but I don't think either of us would stop if we pulled out the bottle," said Grissom as he emptied his glass.

"I guess I don't have to tell you how damn close we came to losing her," said Brass letting the anger slip back into his voice.

Grissom's jaw twitched.

He had thought of nothing else.

"The DA is going to need to ask her a few questions. They promised to keep it short. They've been in contact with the lab in San Francisco. It's in complete chaos right now with losing Ben and Thomas. I didn't tell them Sara was not coming back."

Grissom's eyes shot up. "She isn't. She's staying here."

"I didn't want to step on her toes…you know how she gets when she tries to do everything herself."

"I'm worried about her," said Grissom. "She doesn't seem well."

"She feels guilty for all of this," said Brass.

"I'm going to call the lab in San Francisco and offer our assistance," said Grissom.

"You think Ecklie will give us any grief?" asked Brass.

"It's a high profile serial case that has been solved…he'll want the lab mentioned as much as possible for media blitz," said Grissom heading toward the bedroom but he was stopped.

"Let me," said Brass.

It was not what Grissom wanted.

He wanted to be with her but he let his friend go inside the room while he sat there and stared at the bedroom door.

Brass sat down on the bed and said nothing.

She lay there wide awake clutching the covers.

He glanced at her and could tell she had been crying.

"How are you doing?" he asked softly.

"I've had better days," she said.

He smiled slightly. "DA needs to ask you a few questions…"

"In the morning," she said.

He nodded.

"Jim?"

His eyes stared at her.

"I want to review the case notes…all of them," she said.

"What are you looking for?" he asked.

"Nothing…I just want to see what happened…Ben…he shouldn't have died like that."

"He was trying to protect you and save Thomas."

"He uhm used to tell me how much he loved me….couldn't count the number of times he told me." She swiped at her cheeks. "I let him die thinking I didn't trust him…I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for that. He deserved better…much better than me. All he ever wanted was for me to be happy."

"He loved you," said Brass. "Just like Grissom and I do."

He looked at her to see if she believed him.

He saw doubt and hurt.

"So…we're back to that," he said.

"I'm not sure I was ever past that."

"Don't push him away, Sara."

"I won't have to…he'll do that on his own."

"You sound so sure."

"I am…he's been like that for years…never letting anyone get close…sidestepping any chance for…he never told me he loved me until I was pregnant."

"So he has lousy timing."

"I'm scared Jim…really scared. I feel like I have no control over anything right now. I've lost…the only person that I knew really loved me…and I took it for granted…I uhm don't know how to handle any of this," she said.

"You're tired. You just need some rest. In a couple of days…"

"I have to go back to San Francisco."

"I thought you were going to say that."

"I need to resign…to put things in order."

"Listen, if you need to go then go…but you're not going alone…one of us will go with you."

"I don't need…"

"I didn't say you needed anything…we do. We need to know you're okay."

She said nothing as he stood.

"Try to get some sleep," said Brass.

He stepped out and found Grissom sitting on the couch.

"Is she…"

"She's confused…upset…if you pull away from her, you'll have me to deal with," he said.

Grissom stared at him. "She really loved him…Ben."

"She loves you but she's scared you're going to leave again…she needs you…really needs you…don't screw it up."

"I'm not," he said quietly.

"I think it's time I went home," said Brass.

"Not yet…stay. She likes having you around," said Grissom.

"I'll stay until she comes back from San Francisco."

Grissom felt a tightening in his chest, "she said she was going back?"

"She needs to resign…tie up some loose ends…I told her one of us was going with her."

"Did she agree?"

"She didn't disagree."

"I'd like to go with her…to help out…help her with handling her affairs as well as Ben's."

"You think you're up to that?"

"I have to be. She needs me."

Note from author:

I just love it when Grissom steps up to the plate (and doesn't trip over it.) LOL. Thanks so much for each review. I read everyone and I can't tell you how much I have chuckled over a few. Please continue to leave them. Get well Billiebesaved.

Take care,

Penny


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty Seven:**

Brass turned in as Grissom stretched out on the couch.

He had looked in on her several times and was glad when she had finally fallen asleep.

It had been several hours and he wanted nothing more than to sleep but as soon as he closed his eyes, he saw Thomas's body lying on the floor with Sara's next to him.

He opened the door softly and stepped inside.

He sat down on the bed and gently stroked her hair.

"Love you Sara…so much," he whispered. "Never want to lose you."

He leaned down and kissed her gently on the forehead.

He was tired.

Thoughts of how close he came to losing her would not allow him to rest.

He looked down and saw her staring at him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I just wanted to check on you," he said.

"You uhm haven't slept," she said.

"You need anything?" he asked.

She shook her head.

He started to get up when she pulled the covers back and looked at him.

He slid in beside her and pulled her close.

His hand rested on the bulge and he caressed it.

She said nothing as he lay there holding her.

She could tell he was upset.

She couldn't help but notice the slight tremble in his hands.

He looked tired and yet she could feel his pulse racing.

"You okay?" she whispered.

"I was going to ask you that," he said softly.

She was quiet as she listened for signs that he might be going to sleep.

They lay there together for almost an hour before she finally spoke again.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing."

She sighed out loud.

"Fine."

"I uhm want to come with you to San Francisco."

"No."

"Please Sara."

"There's no need…"

He gently rolled her over to face her.

"Yes…there is. I need to know you and the baby are okay."

She said nothing as she closed her eyes.

She did not know how to grieve for Ben with him by her side.

He kissed her urgently on the lips and she found herself responding.

"Let me…please," he whispered.

She nodded not wishing to discuss the task that lay ahead.

She knew it was going to be difficult.

She had tried to formulate a plan in her head as to what needed to be done.

_Submit resignation…_

_Clean out locker…_

_Don't fall apart…_

_Pack up apartment…_

_Go through Ben's locker…_

_Don't fall apart…_

_Go through Ben's apartment…_

_Ben…._

_Don't let Grissom see me fall apart…_

She struggled to find a comfortable spot. Her side ached. She wished she could go back to feeling numb again. It was easier to cope when she was numb. When she woke the next morning, he was gone. She slowly pulled herself up and showered. She replaced the bandages on the wound and then walked out to find Brass on the couch.

"Did you sleep there all night?" she asked.

"I wish I had. I've done more sleeping here on this couch than I did in the bed."

"Want some breakfast?" she asked.

"I'm fixing breakfast," he said getting up.

They made it together.

It was light since each of them did not feel like eating.

She glanced over at the spot where Thomas had been killed.

"Grissom went into the office to do some things. The DA is coming here…"

"Why? I can go into the station…"

"They felt it was best…the lab and station is swarming with television reporters. Everyone wants the story."

She shook her head.

The door opened and Grissom stepped inside.

He dropped his brief case into the chair and headed for the fridge.

"I see you two have had breakfast," he said.

He poured a cup of coffee.

Both of them glanced at him.

He looked tired as he tried to fumble through his brief case for something.

His eyes locked with Sara's.

"Sara, I need to talk with you…you up to it?" he asked.

She wasn't.

"Is this work related?"

"Ben sent me a package," he said keeping his eyes locked on hers.

He motioned for them to sit in the living room but Sara stopped. "Outside…could we do this outside on the deck?"

She glanced down at the floor as if she were seeing the body still lying there in the pool of blood.

"Of course," he said quickly.

She sat there facing the flower garden as Grissom pulled out a folder and handed it to Sara.

"Ben came here to tell you that he believed Thomas was the killer. He had hair and fiber that linked Thomas to the last murder. He started checking dates and Thomas did not have an alibi. He was going to try to prepare you so that when he went to the DA you wouldn't be so hurt…he decided to keep you out of it when he got news of the possible miscarriage. He didn't want to risk upsetting you. Sara, he was afraid Thomas might try to frame him. He saw the fingerprints on the wall of that house. He never touched the wall. He took his own sample of the prints and realized they were his. He knew Thomas was on to him so he put the evidence in this envelope and sent it to me…in case anything happened to him."

He waited to let the information sink in.

"He wrote everything out along with a disc with his notes. Sara, he also put a letter in there. He wanted me to know that I was the father of your child. He wanted to ensure someone would take care of you in case it did not turn out the way he planned."

She nodded slowly.

Grissom sighed. "Greg said they went through Ben's phone messages…it was clear except one message that had been saved. It was from you…Sara, he got your message. He knew you trusted him. He knew that you did not think he was the murderer."

She folded her arms about herself.

She remembered the frantic call to Ben and how she had begged him to come in.

She had been too late.

Thomas had killed him.

"I thought you should know," said Grissom glancing at Brass.

"Thank you," she managed to get out.

He did not know how to comfort her.

He knew she was hurting.

He took a step toward her and she flinched.

It was as if she had slapped him.

He retreated inside the house.

"Want to be alone?" asked Brass.

She nodded.

They watched as she sat outside on the deck by herself.

The DA arrived an hour later.

She answered each question with simple short replies.

It almost seemed rehearsed but then she had gone over the incident so many times in her head there was little she did not recall.

They left as quickly as they came.

Brass walked them out as Grissom stepped back out and sat next to Sara.

"I think it would be best if we drove…rather than flew. There would be less of a chance that you would come into contact with the media. In a few days, it will die down," he said.

She nodded but she would have nodded to just about anything.

"Sara?"

"Hmmm?"

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yes," she said as she stood and went back inside.

Brass patted the space next to him.

She reluctantly sat down.

"You okay with him going to San Francisco with you?" asked Brass.

She wasn't but she said nothing.

"I could talk with him if you…"

"It's fine Jim."

"I know you cared a lot about Thomas. It's okay to grieve for him also."

"I trusted him…I loved him…he helped me when I first came from the academy…but then I came here and he changed…I told myself he was just hurt but then something always told me there was something else…I just didn't want to believe…Ben and I felt so close to Thomas."

"You really loved Ben. Didn't you?"

She was silent for a moment. "I cared for him. He took good care of me…I don't think I realized how much I loved him until he was gone. I took him for granted. He loved me even though I was pregnant with another man's child. He didn't care." She looked at Brass. "I feel guilty for loving him when I love Grissom."

He watched as a single tear slipped down her cheek.

"Grissom left. You thought he was never coming back," said Brass.

"I uhm love Grissom…always have loved him…that's what hurts so much…I never intended to love Ben but it happened…and I never told him. I kept it to myself…hid it for fear he might want a relationship. I counted on him…needed him…but never let him get close enough…always kept him at a distance…too afraid of getting hurt…my God Jim, I did the same thing to Ben that Grissom did to me…I don't like the person I've become."

"Sara…"

She was up now and he didn't bother going after her as she closed her bedroom door.

She was hurting and it was not going to go away any time soon.

He disappeared into the kitchen for a moment and then joined Grissom outside.

He set two glasses down and poured each a drink.

Grissom glanced at him.

"Must be bad if you're pouring us alcohol at this hour."

"She uhm was in love with Ben."

"I know," said Grissom as he swallowed the drink.

"She didn't realize it until now…pretty hard on herself…I'm worried about her going back to San Francisco…with you."

"If she doesn't want me to come…"

"She hasn't said anything…I asked."

"I just want to make sure she's okay…help out…do whatever it takes to get her back here as soon as possible."

"She doesn't think you love her."

"I do…always have…always will."

Brass shook his head at the two. "She said something very similar to that…you too amaze me how you hurt each other."

He poured himself another drink and downed it.

"Gil…"

He didn't get to finish.

Grissom went inside grabbing his brief case and disappeared into his study shutting the door behind him.

He pulled out the papers and began working.

He knew he should be sleeping but he couldn't.

He had not slept well in weeks.

He stared down at the paperwork and tried to focus.

He saw her face as he told her about Ben.

He could see the pain in her eyes.

_She loved him…_

_She still does…_

_I pushed her away…_

_She's upset…_

_She misses him…_

_She probably could have been happy with him…_

_She never was happy with me…_

_I've done nothing but hurt her…_

_Over and over again…_

_She doesn't trust me…_

_I don't blame her…_

_I'm worried about her…_

_About the baby…_

He cursed inwardly as he forced himself to focus on the work again, not letting his mind drift.

He completed every piece of paper and then put it away into the briefcase.

He sat there now with his hands folded on his briefcase.

He should sleep.

He had been up for hours now.

Another shift would be starting soon.

He should rest but he couldn't.

_She loved Ben…_

_She loves Ben…_

_So sorry Sara…_

_So very sorry…_

He watched as blotches appeared on the brief case.

He wiped it away.

Another one appeared and then another and he felt his shoulders heave.

She loved someone else and he had no one to blame but himself.

There was a soft tap at the door and he quickly swiped at his eyes.

He stood with his back to the door as he pretended to put the papers back into the briefcase.

"Come in," he managed to get out.

"You going to hold up in here all day?" asked Brass.

"I needed to get some paperwork done," he said.

Brass closed the door. "That's bullshit…you're upset that she loved Ben."

"My fault," he said quietly.

"She's fixing dinner…it'll be ready in less than an hour."

"I'm going to shower and then head to the lab…I'll get something there," he said.

"You told me you weren't going to play these games with her."

"I'm not…I uhm…"

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"Love sucks…take the shower and then get your ass in the kitchen."

He nodded as Brass closed the door.

He showered and then dressed for work.

They were waiting for him when he slid into his seat.

Sara glanced at him.

He was worn out and already facing a shift.

He ate two helpings of the dish.

"I always liked that…your best dish," he said.

She stood and began clearing the table.

She pretended the wound in her side did not hurt but he caught her flinching when she stooped to put away the dishes.

"Have you changed the bandage?" he asked quickly.

"Yes…it's good," she said.

She smiled slightly and watched as he left.

She turned and looked at Brass.

"He uhm didn't sleep did he?"

"He's behind on his paperwork…you know how he is."

She said nothing as she cleaned the kitchen and then sat down on the couch.

She picked up a book that belonged to Grissom and began reading.

She remained there in that spot for several hours.

She glanced at Brass when they heard the door.

It was Grissom.

Note from author:

I know. It's sad but as you can see our geeks have alot of work to do on their relationship. The rest of the story will focus on that. Please continue with the reviews!

Take care,

Penny


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter twenty Eight:**

"You're home early, said Brass.

"They didn't need me," he said as he glanced at Brass.

Sara looked suspicious but said nothing.

"You okay?" asked Brass to Grissom.

"I'm fine," he said as he headed for the bathroom.

Sara and Brass exchanged glances.

He showered and then returned dressed in sweats.

They both watched as he headed to the kitchen pouring himself a glass of water and then swallowed some pills.

He laid down on the couch and closed his eyes.

"I think I'm going to call it a night," said Brass as he left the room.

Sara sat in the chair and observed him.

He was visibly in pain.

"Headache bad?' she asked softly.

"We should leave in the morning," he said. "If you prefer Brass…"

"No…I'll be ready," she said getting up.

She clicked out the lights and he thought she was going to bed when she stopped and took his hand.

"You should sleep…it'll help the headache."

The feel of her hand in his was almost his undoing.

He did not expect her to let him touch her again.

He had caused her pain.

He was the reason she returned to San Francisco.

He forced his body to move and a sharp pain penetrated his skull sending shards of pain throughout his head.

He sat up and waited for the pain to ease.

He felt her hand under his arm but he gently pushed it away, not wanting her to help him get up.

"I can manage," he said softly.

They were bed in minutes.

She rolled over to face him as he lay on his back with his arm shielding his eyes.

She had tried to block out as much light as she could from the outside.

"It's a migraine…isn't it?" she asked softly.

"Not yet," he said softly.

"You uhm usually get them when you don't rest…you should have slept," she said.

He said nothing.

She was right.

He suddenly rolled over to face her. "How are you and the baby…your blood pressure…"

"We're good," she said.

He nodded slightly and then closed his eyes.

It was too hard to keep his eyes open.

She watched as he struggled to sleep.

She knew he was in pain and yet she felt helpless.

Her hand rested on his chest and she felt his chest move up and down.

She closed her own eyes and listened to his breathing.

She had often done that.

Her mind drifted back to a night much like this when he had come to her apartment.

It had been after a hard case.

She pretended it had not bothered her but he knew different.

He had seemed nervous about coming.

He had followed her home after Adam Trent intent on checking to see if she was okay and then leaving.

He never left.

He had taken one look at the marks on her neck and he had fallen apart.

He had no idea he would do such a thing.

One look and he had shoved all propriety aside.

He wanted nothing more than to hold her.

Once she was in his arms, he could not stop there.

He told himself, he would stop after one kiss.

A kiss was led to another kiss.

He told himself if he held her in his arms while they slept, it would be enough.

He didn't stop until he had taken her fully and completely.

Nothing could have stopped him from making love to her.

The sheer power of the feelings scared the hell out of him.

He knew he had always loved her.

He just never knew how deeply until he had her beneath him.

Sara's eyes shot open from the memory of their lovemaking.

She gently leaned over and kissed him on the lips.

It was those memories that kept her going all those months away from him.

It had been the hardest thing she had ever done.

She could not imagine letting him get close again only to have him turn away from her again.

She did not think she could bear it a second time.

His hand reached out and rested on her abdomen.

The baby kicked.

His hand made circular motions following the baby as he rolled.

"He's active tonight," he whispered.

"Yes…he is."

"Sara?"

"Hmmm?"

"Are you happy that you're pregnant?"

"Yes," she said without hesitation.

He was quiet for a moment.

"Are you happy … that he's mine?"

She stared at him as he opened his eyes and looked at her.

"Yes…he's the best part of what we had."

The past tense hurt.

He deserved it.

He felt relieved at least in knowing that she did not regret carrying his child.

"Thank you," he said closing his eyes again when the pain intensified.

She felt him take a deep breath.

"I love you…I love you both…don't ever doubt that," he said in a ragged breath as the medication took effect.

She was glad that he was now asleep.

She swiped at her eyes.

She did doubt it.

She could not help but doubt.

They were on the road in a few hours. He seemed much better or said nothing about his headache. They stopped off for a light lunch before getting back on the road. Little was said between them as Grissom drove. Once they came near San Francisco, Sara rattled off the directions to her apartment.

It seemed odd arriving there with him. She stepped out of the vehicle and unlocked the door. Grissom had made arrangements for a moving company to come and pack everything. He had stopped off along the way and picked up a few boxes.

"In case there's anything you want to pack yourself…anything private," he had said.

There was little.

She picked up her laptop making sure it was secure in its case. She went into the bedroom and opened up a closet, pulling out a large suitcase ignoring the clothes basket that sat on the bed along with the clothes that lay folded. He noticed it contained men's clothing. He glanced over at the closet and found others.

He knew they belonged to Ben.

He felt his gut clench.

This was going to be hard for both of them.

She saw him stare at the shirt that lay draped across a chair but said nothing.

She sat down on the bed and picked up the shirt holding it.

He told himself he was leaving the room in order to give her some privacy but in truth he felt as if the room no longer contained any air. The shirt, the clothes in the basket and her face as she held the shirt had been too much.

He was jealous.

He told himself it was ridiculous but he could not help himself.

He looked around the apartment.

He recognized very little.

He remembered hearing about the water damage to her apartment.

He walked over to the counter and the phone was flashing with messages. He wondered if the messages belonged to Ben and he was tempted to just unplug it. He left it alone instead. There was a pregnancy book lying on the coffee table. There was another room and he stepped inside to find that it was the partial making of a nursery. There was a rocking chair along with some baby outfits sitting in the chair. He saw there were more hanging in the closet.

He looked up when he saw her standing in the doorway.

"Want to pack any of this?" he asked.

"The movers can do it," she said as she disappeared from the entrance. He stepped out and watched her as she stood there staring at the phone flashing. Her hand reached out to touch the button but she stopped in mid air. She took in a deep breath and pushed the button as she sat down on the couch.

They were from him.

Grissom's hand clenched into a fist as he had no choice but to listen along with her.

"Sara, Thomas just called…he's said you had to go back to Vegas. You going to be okay? I can come with you? Call me."

"Hey, so you've left…take care of yourself…I'll miss you…don't worry about the lab or Thomas."

"Sara, I know you trust me…you're just scared of being hurt again. I've tried to talk with you about Thomas but I'm worried about you and the baby. I sent a package to Grissom…I hope he gets it, if not you know where I keep a back up of my files. I love you Sara. Be safe and be happy. Give Grissom another chance…he loves you. "

Her head shot up at the last part.

She slumped down on the bar stool.

She knew she would never hear his voice again.

"I'll get the back up files," she said standing. She headed to the door and he was immediately there. She glanced at him.

"They're in his apartment," she said.

Grissom nodded unsure if he should follow or not but he did not want to let her out of his sight. He was surprised when she walked next door and unlocked the door. She stepped inside leaving the door open for Grissom to follow.

"He uhm talked me into signing a lease with this apartment complex and once I had done it, he then told me he lived next door. I didn't like it at first…I don't know what I would have done without his help," she said. She walked over to a book shelf and removed a big book opening it up to reveal it was a storage container rather than an actual book. She pulled out the contents.

She glanced around the room.

Grissom did the same.

There were photos of Thomas, Ben and Sara.

Grissom spotted a sweater that belonged to Sara lying on the couch.

He picked it up and held it.

Their eyes locked briefly before Grissom set it back down.

She noticed something in the corner of the room and walked over to it.

It was a shopping bag with a baby blanket.

She pulled it out and stared at it.

"He was always doing this, buying things for the baby," she said.

She held the blanket tightly.

"I uhm think I need to lie down for awhile," she said.

"You okay?" he asked suddenly.

"Tired…very tired," she said as she made her way back to her apartment.

She slipped off her shoes and pulled the covers up as she lay on her side. Grissom stood there for a moment and started to walk away when her hand shot out and grabbed his.

He sat down on the edge of the bed.

She closed her eyes but then opened them.

"Gil?"

"Yeah?" he said softly.

"I never slept with Ben."

"Sara…"

"I couldn't…I still loved…love you."

His hand squeezed hers.

He felt a lump in his throat when she corrected herself and admitted she still loved him.

It was a start.

"I always knew Ben wanted more than friendship but I couldn't. I threw myself into my work here. I knew the DA would be watching…a new position…someone they weren't familiar with and worse…pregnant. The first two weeks went really well but then I got sick…I couldn't hold anything down. I'd had morning sickness before…it was a bitch but this was worse…much worse. I had no energy…could barely make it out of bed. I can't tell you how many times I slept through the alarm. Ben started coming over and waking me up. He also made me go to my doctor. I was anemic…a little dehydrated. I was better in a week. Ben covered for me at work making sure I didn't overdo it."

"I'm glad you had him."

"We took turns doing laundry…cooking…we worked long hours on the serial cases…it helped living next to one another. He began planning for the baby long before I did. He was already thinking about shift coverage and daycare…I was too busy trying to solve cases…trying to live here… without you."

She stopped now and was quiet for a moment.

"Gil?"

He looked at her.

"I uhm don't know about us."

He nodded feeling the dread again.

"Try to get some sleep. The movers will be here in the morning," he said kissing her on the cheek.

"I have to go into the lab in the morning…to drop off the back up files and to resign. I feel I should do that in person," she said.

"Mind if I tag along?"

"No."

"Sara?"

"Hmmm?"

"I love you…always have…always will."

Her silence hurt.

He kissed her on the forehead and then sought out the small bulge that kicked.

His hand caressed her abdomen.

"I think he likes the night shift," said Grissom grinning.

"He's going to have to get used to sleeping at night…you think I can get on day shift?"

"I don't think there will be a problem."

"Good…I think I'm done working nights," she said as she yawned. "Always seems to get really active just when I want to sleep."

"What can I do to help?" he asked.

_Love me…_

_Never leave me…_

_Tell me the pain will go away…_

_I'm scared…_

_So scared…_

"He'll play for awhile and then he'll stop," she said finding her hand there as well.

"He is the best part of us," said Grissom.

He stood and started to leave but she wouldn't let go of his hand.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

"Stay here with me…" she stopped suddenly and released his hand. "I'm sorry. You don't have to stay."

"I want to stay…I didn't want to push. Mind if I hold you?"

She shook her head. "You could uhm sleep with me."

He spooned his body up next to hers and held her.

"Sara…the nightmares will go away eventually," he whispered.

"I see him…lying there in the morgue…so cold…not like him at all," she whispered between sobs.

"So sorry honey…so sorry," he said. "I don't know how to make it better."

"Don't let go," she whispered as she gripped his arms.

"I won't," he managed to get out.

Note from author:

Small baby steps for the geeks...I so love them. Thanks so much for those of you who are taking the time to leave a review. It means alot! I am going to try to finish this up this weekend so I can turn around and prepare for my trip next week. When I return, I will be posting a new story so be sure to put me on your author alert list. Thanks!

Take care,

Penny


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty Nine:**

It was his phone that woke them that morning.

He released her and smiled when she leaned forward in search of his body.

He placed the pillow beside her.

She grabbed it and then woke immediately.

"Sorry…I have to answer the phone."

She glanced at the clock and then got up immediately grabbing some things and then heading into the bathroom.

He waited until she was inside and heard the water turn on before he answered.

"Grissom."

"How is she?" asked Brass.

"She slept last night…The phone woke us."

Brass caught the "us" immediately but said nothing.

"How are you?"

"We're going into the lab this morning…the movers will be here to pack everything."

"Has she said anything about where she's going to stay when she gets back?"

"I uhm plan to talk with her later."

"Gil?"

"Yeah?'

"You okay?"

He wasn't.

He was scared.

He knew that she had doubts.

It frightened him to think that she might not want a relationship with him anymore.

He worried about the baby.

He thought of little else.

The baby would be here within three months and neither was prepared.

"Gil…give her time…be patient…just let her know you love her."

"I do," he said quietly.

"You don't sound good…"

"The movers will be here soon. Sara just finished her shower."

"Call me if you want to talk," he said quickly.

Sara stepped out in a robe.

"Anything wrong?" she asked.

"Brass…just checking on you."

"You should shower…I'll see what I can find for breakfast," she said.

She walked past him but stopped.

"Thank you…for coming," she said.

She hurried out and began searching the cabinets and decided they would have to go down to the small café. She dressed just as she heard a tapping on her door.

She let the movers inside.

Grissom stepped into the living room fully dressed.

It was then she noticed him.

He seemed out of sorts.

She knew he had slept little that night even though she had slept well.

"We should get going…I gave the movers the address of the storage facility in Vegas," she said.

They slipped into the back of the lab and managed to avoid a few camera crewmen who were stationed out front.

There were condolences given.

She made her way to personnel and handed Mr. Lewis the resignation.

"Grissom, this is Marty Lewis," said Sara. "Marty this is…"

"No need for introductions, Sara. I met Gil Grissom several years ago."

The two men shook hands.

He looked at the resignation.

"I was afraid of this," he said sitting down and motioning for them to do the same.

"Sara, I wish you would reconsider. The lab could really need you right now. We uhm don't know how to react to all of this. I knew Thomas for over twenty years…hell I worked his wife's death…it was declared an accident."

She swallowed hard. "We uhm never really knew him."

"They uhm excavated his daughter's body from his basement. It was located under a crawl space."

She nodded.

"Ben came to me a few weeks ago and told me he had on a lead on the serial cases. I think he was trying to warn me it was not going to be pleasant. He wouldn't tell me who his prime suspect was but I trusted Ben."

"He had a set of back up files in his apartment," she said.

She handed them to Marty.

"We got the package Mr. Grissom sent."

"Marty, I want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to work here again. I'm sorry I'm leaving so suddenly but I think it's best."

"If you ever want to return just let me know. You have a job here anytime."

"Thank you," she said as she stood.

She started to walk out when he stopped her.

"Sara, we'll need an address for personnel to process the claim."

"Claim?" she asked.

"You didn't know, did you?"

"Ben Foster listed you as his beneficiary in the event anything ever…we'll need to know where to send the claim once it is processed….there's also the matter of Thomas."

She stared at Marty.

"Thomas had a will…you were the…"

She held up her hand. "I don't want anything… She stopped and took a deep breath. "I have to go."

She stepped out into the hallway.

Grissom shook hands with Marty.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset her."

Grissom walked out and stood beside her.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

"Yes."

She cleaned out her locker.

Ben's was next.

There were photos of them when they had graduated from the academy. There was also a recent newspaper clipping. It had been their first case together since her return to San Francisco. She took the photos and placed them in her bag.

Soon, they were back in the vehicle.

She closed her eyes and she felt him holding her hand.

"I thought we would grab some lunch and then get on the road," said Grissom.

"That would be good…I'm hungry," she said.

She started to grin when he pulled up to a small café.

"You remembered," she said.

"How could I forget," he said. "We met here every day after the lecture. It was the best part of each day…spending time with you," he said.

"Yes, it was…remember when we took that walk on the beach?" she asked smiling.

"I still have that photo," he said. "You looked so happy…your hair was curly that day…you didn't put it up in a pony tail."

"I uhm got sand in my blouse," she said.

His heart was hopeful when the smile remained on her face.

"Kind of hard not to when you're rolling around in it," he said grinning.

They stepped into the café and ate a light lunch.

Once outside, he took her hand.

"Want to go for that walk again?" he asked.

_She's still smiling…_

_She's kept that smile for almost an hour…_

_This is good…_

_Brass said to be patient…_

_I've wasted so much time already…_

_That smile…_

He had not seen her smile in a long time.

They stopped by a bench and removed their shoes. They walked hand in hand saying nothing but enjoying each other's presence. They walked down to the pier and stopped to watch the boats out on the distant shore line.

"I didn't want to leave you back then," he said. "I wanted to stay…but I knew I couldn't. I wanted you to come with me but I didn't know how to ask…you seemed happy here."

"I would have come," she said.

"I did eventually ask you…to come to Vegas," he said.

"Yes…you did," she said. "For all the wrong reasons…but I came."

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I missed you…I knew I wanted to be with you…to work with you…I'd fallen in love with you."

"Me too…I just didn't know how to tell you. I should have. I was afraid. You were young…you had your whole life ahead of you. I felt like mine was almost over…I told myself I would be content just to have you near me again but it wasn't enough. I saw how I was hurting you but I didn't know how to stop. I needed you…wanted you…but I felt I couldn't have you."

"But you did…have me eventually."

He smiled. "Yes, I did but then I couldn't get enough of you and I wanted more but didn't know how to get it. I didn't like hiding you like I was ashamed of our relationship. I wasn't. I wanted more…I felt like you did too. I wanted nothing more than to come back from that sabbatical and ask you to marry me. I was willing to give up anything to have you."

She stood there trying to take in what he was saying.

He held her tight.

"I used to plan how I would propose to you. I was scared each time I thought about it….I was afraid you wouldn't want to marry me."

He turned her so they were face to face.

"I often thought about this place….right here on the beach…where I kissed you for the first time…where you got sand in your blouse," he said with a grin.

She smiled.

He returned the smile for a moment but then it faded.

"I wanted nothing more than to get you back here so I could propose to you…to say, Sara will you marry me?"

She stared at him.

"If I had done that, would you have said yes?"

She felt her heart skip a beat and she suddenly felt very lightheaded.

"Sara?"

"I would have said yes," she whispered.

He felt his emotions taking over. All the wasted years flashed before him. He had no one to blame but himself. He stood there now telling himself to breathe as the pain in his chest doubled.

"What if I asked now?" he managed to get out.

The silence told him he was too late.

It hurt.

He had told himself all night not to ask but he had to know. He was tired of not acting.

He no longer chose to hide his emotions.

He no longer feared risks.

He only feared spending the rest of his life knowing that he could have had her but lost her.

"I can't," she managed to get out.

He nodded.

She saw the pain in his eyes and it matched her own.

"I'm sorry Gil…"

"My fault…I did this," he said. "I pulled away for years…hurt you over and over…not your fault."

He held her as he thought he felt her shoulders shake.

He wasn't sure.

He was sure that his did.

He no longer could control the pent up emotions.

"Gil?"

"We should get going," he said.

"Gil, I uhm…"

He released her body but held on to her hand as he guided her back to the bench. He slipped on his shoes and then while she sat, he knelt down and placed her shoes on her feet. He remained there in front of her. Neither bothered to conceal their tears. His hands caressed the bulge that sat in her lap.

"You uhm will let me be a part of his life…I won't interfere in yours…I promise. I just want to be a father…I lost my father when I was nine…I didn't have much experience having one around…I'll try to be a good father…to always be there for him…never let him down. I've let you down so many times," he said just as his voice faltered.

"I never meant to keep him from you…I always intended to tell you but every time I tried I couldn't find the words…by doing so I would have to admit it was over between us. I was waiting until I was strong enough to face that. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think about you. Every time he moved, I thought of you and how you might react to feel your son. God Grissom, there were times when I just wanted to curl up in a ball and die because I missed you so much."

"Sorry…so sorry," he said softly.

"I never stopped loving you," she said.

"I know you don't believe me but I love you…I loved you the moment I saw you in that lecture room with your hair in a ponytail."

She smiled even though she cried.

He reached up and wiped her tear streaked face as he gently kissed her.

"We should be going…"

"Not yet," she said.

He looked around.

The beach was virtually empty.

He started to get up when she placed her hands on his shoulders. He remained there but looked out over the ocean. She gently took his face into her hands and wiped away his own tears.

"I didn't say no…I just can't right now. I can't when I'm still trying to comprehend all of this," she whispered.

He stared at her.

He took a deep breath.

"You're the only person I've ever loved….ever going to love," he said.

She had wanted him to say that to her so many months ago. She would have given anything to hear those words and now he was kneeling there exposing himself to her and she could not accept his proposal. It hurt her to know that the pain he felt was caused by her.

"You're going to be a good father, Grissom. Never doubt that."

He kissed her softly before pulling her up.

Note from author:

I know…the hate mail will commence but you have to realize they need to work out their relationship before she can say yes…

Take deep breath and then leave a review so we can move on.

Take care,

Penny


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter Thirty:**

She glanced at him from time to time on the long trip back. He was quiet, almost withdrawn. She started a few conversations that he joined in but she could tell his responses were forced. They entered Clark County, Nevada and he finally initiated a conversation.

"You can stay as long as you like…if you decide you want a place of your own, I'll be glad to help…there's always a few houses that come open in the same neighborhood where Brass lives…if you don't like living with me."

He kept his eyes on the road during the entire speech.

Despite their difficult situation, she had gotten use to staying with him. She had also gotten used to sleeping with him. The thought of moving out on her own at the moment did not appeal to her.

"I'd like to stay…if you don't mind," she said.

He glanced at her then.

"Of course not…whatever you want."

He was about to smile but then stopped. "Brass will probably be leaving soon…"

"That's okay."

He smiled this time.

His grip on the steering wheel eased a bit.

Once they arrived, Grissom unloaded the suitcases along with the few things Sara had brought. He set them in the hallway just as Brass returned from the deck.

"Good to see you both," he said.

He took a good look at them.

"How about I prepare dinner?" he asked.

"Sounds good…do you cook?" she asked with a grin.

"Delivery," smiled Brass. "You uhm up to some company? The guys and Catherine have been calling."

"I don't mind," she said.

"Good. I'll let them know," said Brass as he watched Grissom take the suitcases into the bedrooms.

"Listen Kiddo. I think I'm going to go home after dinner."

"You okay?" she asked.

"I'm good…better than either of you."

She looked toward the bedroom where Grissom had disappeared.

"I'm worried about him," she said.

"Him?" he asked incredulously.

"I uhm hurt him…I didn't mean to," she said.

"Sara, he already knew you loved Ben."

Her head jerked in his direction.

"He saw how Ben's death affected you. He blames himself…if he had never left then maybe you would have told him about the baby and you would have stayed."

She stared at Brass. "He uhm asked me to marry him."

"He never had good timing. It took a lot for him to do that Sara. He's never let anyone get close until you." He glanced at her finger. "I don't see a ring there."

"I didn't say yes."

"That must have hurt him."

"I didn't say no," she said quickly. "I just said I can't…not now."

"For him, it meant no. He's afraid he's lost you…pushed you away one too many times."

"He asked me to stay here with him."

"What was your answer?"

"I said yes."

Brass seemed relieved.

"Good…Sara give him a chance."

"Ben said that," she said.

They ordered Chinese and soon the house was filled with the others. No one mentioned Thomas or Ben. Instead, they talked about practical jokes and antics at the lab. Greg's name seemed to come up several times. Grissom smiled occasionally. Catherine came and sat next to him. She handed him a beer but he declined.

"You look like shit," she whispered.

"Nice to see you too, Catherine."

"Rough in San Francisco?"

He said nothing but took a sip of coffee.

"Not talking, huh? It must have been bad…I haven't seen you like this since…you came back from that seminar in San Francisco…that was years ago," she said now glancing at Sara.

He took another drink.

"That's when you two met," she said.

"She came to the seminar."

"I see," said Catherine. "You going to be okay? If you need to talk to with anyone…call me night or day."

"Thanks Catherine," he said as he quietly left the room and stepped outside onto the deck.

He heard the door open behind him.

"Sara told me you proposed," said Brass.

"She said no."

"She said she couldn't…your timing sucks."

"I'm through with waiting…I've done enough of that…Letting all these years go by…did she tell you that if I had asked years ago, she would have said yes?"

"Gil, give her some time."

"I am...I have."

"I'm going back home tonight."

"Does she know?" he asked anxiously.

"Yes…she still wants to live with you."

He leaned back into the chair.

"You okay?" asked Brass. "I've never seen you like this."

"I've never screwed up my life like this."

"Your life is not screwed up."

"Isn't it? The only person I've ever loved tells me I waited too late…always the cautious one…never let anyone get close…and then when I finally did…she went back to San Francisco because of me…I put her back there with Ben and Thomas. She fell in love with Ben…they lived next door to one another…they did things as a couple…another man was planning for my child…something I should have been doing. He was doing a damn good job of it too…she could have been happy with Ben."

"You're forgetting Thomas," said Brass.

"Yes, let's not forget that Thomas could have killed her. I put her back there with a maniac. I could have lost her…I think I have lost her. I just want her to be happy. I want a home for my son…I want a better life for him than what I had."

"Are you counting yourself out for the count already?"

"I'm being realistic. I don't make her happy. I just want to be a part of my son's life…I don't want to get in the way…I don't want to hurt her anymore…it seems that's all I ever did."

"Gil, all of this is not your fault. You need…"

"I have to go into the office," he said as he stood and went back inside. The others had already begun to leave for work. He grabbed his jacket and headed toward the door.

"You're going into work tonight?" she asked looking baffled.

"I should check in…you going to be okay? I could stay…"

"No…no I'll be fine," she said.

"The paperwork can wait…I'll stay," he said.

She seemed frustrated. "Go to the lab, Gil."

"I'll stay…"

"Go!"

He stood there looking confused and hurt.

She felt his uneasiness.

"I'll be fine. You should go in," she said.

"I uhm," he glanced at the door and then at the keys in his hand. "No…they're not expecting me until tomorrow." He tossed them on the counter. He was unsure with what to do with himself. He had intended to immerse himself in work so his mind would stop reminding him his life was in shambles.

There was still some daylight out and so he stepped outside. He went to the tool shed and began working in the flower garden. Brass sat and watched him while Sara came and sat next to him.

"I thought he was going into the office," said Brass.

"He uhm changed his mind…I'm worried about him," she said again.

"Me too," admitted Brass.

It made her shiver.

"You keep an eye on him," he said as he got up and left.

She sat there and watched as he worked for the next hour.

He pulled the weeds and watered the rose bush.

He checked its leaves and then sighed.

"How does it look?" she asked.

"It's dying," he said. "I should have taken better care of it."

"We can get another one," she offered.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"It was just a rose bush," she said.

He said nothing as he put the tools away.

"I'm going to take a shower," he said as he headed inside. She noticed he had put her things in the guest room. It was where they had been sleeping but now Brass was gone. She stripped the master bed and replaced it with clean linens. She then pulled back the covers. She sat there with a book in her hand when he came out of the bathroom. He stared at her.

"I changed the sheets," she said closing the book. "I think I'll soak and see if I can get him to settle down."

"Kicking a lot?" he asked.

"Most definitely."

He smiled.

She grabbed her robe and stepped into the bathroom leaving the door open. She filled the tub and then stripped settling down into the warm water.

She could hear him pacing.

"Griss?"

"Hmmm?"

"Anything wrong?" she asked.

"No."

"You seem restless," she said.

He was.

He felt as if he needed to be doing something but did not have a clue what it was.

_I need to fix this…_

_I need to fix my life…_

_I don't know how…_

_to make her love me again…_

_She doesn't…._

_Not like she does Ben…_

_She doesn't even trust me…_

_I just make her sad…._

_Don't want her sad any more…_

"Gil?"

She began to panic when he did not respond.

"Gil?"

"Yes?" he asked in the doorway.

"Would you hand me that towel?" she asked.

He stepped inside and held the towel for her watching to ensure she did not slip.

"Thanks," she said softly.

She smelled so sweet.

He breathed in deeply.

"Could you give me a hand?" she asked as she held out the new bandage.

He gently covered the wound after inspecting it.

"Thanks," she said "You look tired…why don't you try to sleep?"

He could not imagine sleeping.

It was the reason he wanted to go into work.

He stepped into the bedroom but then stopped, glancing at the bed and then the guestroom.

She saw his confusion.

"If you want me to sleep in the guestroom I can," she said suddenly.

"No, you can have this bed…I'll sleep…"

"Can we talk?" she asked.

He didn't want to talk.

He had enough to think about.

He nodded slowly.

"If you're not comfortable with me staying here…"

"No…I am…Sara, I uhm…" he didn't know what to say. He sighed as he raked his hands through his hair. "I want you to stay…I don't want to push. I want you to sleep where you want…I don't expect you to sleep with me…only if you want."

"Do you want me to sleep with you?" she asked.

"Yes…but only if you want."

"Gil, I feel like you're walking on egg shells around me…stop….please."

Note from author:

Ah yes, poor Griss. He doesn't quite know how to act… Sorry for the late post but I have had a house full of ladies tonight.

Leave a review.

Take care,

Penny


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter Thirty one:**

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to."

"I know," she said softly.

They stood there facing one another.

"Which side of the bed do you want?" she asked.

"Left side," he said hesitantly.

"Left huh? I wanted that side," she said.

"You can have it…I don't…"

"I was joking," she said with a smile.

He returned the smile.

He got on his side of the bed while she did the same.

"You said you wanted to talk," he said quietly.

"It was about this. I expect you to come and go when you need to…I don't need a babysitter," she said.

He nodded.

"I've been doing some thinking," she said.

He clutched the bed covers.

She noticed.

"I'm not sure I should try to work full time at the lab until after the baby is born."

"I think that is a good idea."

"Do you think they will let me work part time? I still have a lot of sick leave accumulated from before…that is if they'll rehire me."

"I called personnel…I was going to go by there this afternoon and check. I was told you could work first shift."

"You think they'll still let me if it's only part time?"

"It would probably work out better for them."

"Good," she said.

"You should have your medical records transferred here."

"I'll do that," she said.

They were both quiet for a moment.

"I'll need to find a daycare," she said.

"Judy knows several that appear to be good…she picks up her niece from time to time. I'll get the names."

"Thanks."

"You could use the guestroom to store any baby things you brought." He looked down at the covers. "You could turn it into a nursery."

He waited for a moment. "I'm not saying you have to…"

"That would be good…I'm uhm not prepared. There's baby furniture and clothing and…" she stopped as she braced herself for another kick.

"He's been awfully rowdy tonight," she said.

"Could I?" he asked. He reached over and grinned. "I think he wants more room."

"There's not much room left," she said.

"Want me to try to get him to sleep?" he asked.

She nodded.

He rolled over and began to massage her abdomen.

Within minutes the baby had stopped kicking.

"Where did you learn how to do that?" she asked.

"There was this farmer that lived out near the beach. He had this milk cow…" he stopped when he saw her expression.

"You're comparing me to a milk cow?" she asked.

"No…I used a technique he taught me on a milk cow."

She laughed.

He had not heard her laugh in awhile.

It made him smile.

He turned out the light and leaned back into the pillows. She slowly inched her way over to lie next to him. He wrapped his arms around her.

"It's nice waking up next to you," she whispered.

"I was just thinking the same thing," he whispered back.

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"Could we talk about breakfast?"

He smiled. "Yes."

"Waffles would be good," she said with a yawn.

"I'll make them for you."

"I'll do the laundry in the morning…I think we're almost out of towels."

"Want to do the grocery shopping?" he asked.

"We'll make a list in the morning at breakfast," she said.

"Waffles will have to be plain. I don't think I have any blueberries or strawberries," he said.

"Your waffles are never plain."

"I'm glad you like my cooking," he said.

"It wasn't often we had breakfast together but I always like that time," she said.

"Me too."

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"I like this bed better," she said.

"Was there something wrong with the guest bed?" he asked.

"No…we just uhm have some nice memories in this one," she said.

He smiled. "Yes, we do."

"Night Gil."

"Night Sara."

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"I like this…talking," she said.

"Get some sleep," he said.

"You're going to sleep…aren't you?" she asked.

"Yes."

He did.

He was surprised that as soon as he closed his eyes he was asleep. She lay there and listened for him and was relieved when she heard his even breathing. She gently brushed his cheek and kissed him lightly before sleeping as well.

She woke to the smell of waffles. She rolled over and felt for him but he was not there. She smiled when she smelled the waffles again. She grabbed the housecoat and hurried into the kitchen.

"Morning," he said.

"I'm starving," she said.

He grinned.

He set the table and they ate. He watched her finish off the waffles and down her juice. He had managed to eat most of his but pushed it aside. She stared at it.

"You finished?" she asked.

"I'm full," he said as he turned his attention to the note pad he had brought to the table.

"We should make the grocery list," he said. He began writing down items. Sara looked over and corrected his spelling a time or two.

"Sorry…old habit…reading upside down…and correcting spelling mistakes," she said as her fork picked up a piece of his waffle and ate it.

"Look at this and add to it while I put away these dishes," he said.

She took the pad and began going through the list while she ate another bite of his waffle. He removed her plate and set it in the sink and returned. There was one small piece of waffle remaining.

He looked at her.

"You going to eat that?" he asked.

"No…I'm full," she said. He started to remove the plate but she took the last bite. He tried to hide his smile.

They seemed to enjoy grocery shopping together. Sara marked off each item from their list. A few more items were added as they walked down each aisle. He insisted on paying which led to a squabble.

"I don't expect to live here and not pay anything," she said with arms folded.

"There's no need," he said.

"Yes, there is," she said.

"You've taken care of our child for seven months…alone…it's my turn," he said.

"I wasn't alone…I had Ben," she said softly.

They were quiet the rest of the way home.

They put away the groceries together.

Once that was done, he retreated outside.

She followed.

"We should talk about this living arrangement," she said.

"Okay," he said quietly.

"I don't expect you to pay for everything," she said.

"Okay…you can pay the next time the guys come over…Greg and Nick can eat a lot of Chinese," he said.

She grinned. "We'll order pizza next time."

"Good idea," he said.

"Still, I should pay something," she said.

"Sara, you've been paying the medical expenses on the pregnancy for months," he said.

"I had medical insurance," she said.

He sighed. "Okay, what do you want to pay?"

"Fifty fifty," she said.

"No," he said quickly.

"Why not?" she asked a little irritated.

"Because I'm employed and you're not."

"I have savings," she said.

"Save it."

"Fifty fifty," she said again.

"Utilities…you can pay utilities," he offered.

"That's not equal," she said.

"I use a lot of hot water," he said.

She grinned.

He grinned back.

"I should do laundry," she said getting up.

"See more water," he grinned.

She headed inside but stopped and purposely walked over to him kissing him fully on the lips.

It took him by surprise.

His arms snaked around her waist and he returned the kiss.

It was more sensual.

She knew that he had become aroused.

He quickly released her.

"Want some help?" he asked.

"No…I think I can manage…I would be interested in discussing the guest room…we'll need to order a baby bed," she said.

She walked to the guest room peering inside.

"I thought we could paint the walls," he said. "Maybe a pale yellow."

"Maybe a border wall paper at the top," she said.

"How would you position the furniture?" he asked.

"The bed could go along that wall….a changing table over there…maybe a dresser on the other wall," she said.

"Natural or paint?" he asked.

She looked confused.

"Natural wood for the furniture or paint?"

"Oh. Natural…I think."

"Want to look?"

She nodded.

He quickly went to his laptop and brought up several choices.

"Do they have measurements?" she asked.

"Yes…maybe this set…comes with a nice book shelf," he said.

She nodded with a smile.

"You choose. I think I'm going to go measure the room," he said.

He left her sitting there in front of the computer as he walked around the room.

"I could get Greg to come and help remove this furniture so we could get it ready to be painted," said Grissom.

"How big is the closet?" she asked.

He opened it and stared.

"Big…I'll get that stuff out of there," he said.

"We could put it in storage…I already have a storage unit…not filled," she said.

"Good. Want to make this our project for the next couple of days?"

She nodded.

The room was cleared by the next day. Greg was fed pizza and another card game for helping. Greg became the errand boy picking up the paint she chose along with materials. Soon, she was painting. Her smile slowly returned as she worked on getting the room together. She picked out the furniture and he ordered it online.

It was delivered the next day.

She stood there now and glanced at the room that had suddenly been transformed within two days.

"What do you think?" he asked coming to stand behind her.

"It looks nice."

"There's one more piece of furniture that should arrive today," he said.

"Another piece? I'm not sure there's room for another piece," she said.

"It's your rocking chair. I had Greg get it from storage…I hope you don't mind."

She was quiet for a moment. "Ben purchased the rocker…he said every nursery needed a rocker."

"I'm sorry. I just thought…" He didn't finish as he stared helplessly at the floor.

"Griss?"

"A baby needs a rocker," he said quietly.

"Thank you. It was very sweet," she said.

Note from author:

Poor Grissom just needs a break…he gets it. Just hang on!

Leave a review!

Take care,

Penny


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter Thirty Two:**

He felt the familiar pang of guilt.

He was getting used to living with it.

She had been happy these last two days and he had just managed to bring up the past.

He rarely felt when Ben was not standing between them.

He did not think it would ever change.

There was a tap at the door and Grissom opened it to find Catherine.

"I heard you were getting a nursery together and I thought I could help."

"We're done," said Grissom.

Catherine looked at the room and smiled. "Nice job. Love the colors but you forgot some things," she said.

Sara's smile faded. "What?"

"Be right back. Come with me Griss," said Catherine pulling him along.

They stepped outside as Catherine opened her trunk.

Grissom smiled.

"You need baby blankets and baby clothes. I was in the mall and couldn't resist. I remember Sara talking about this blanket she saw in this shop."

"Thanks Catherine."

"It's yours isn't it?" she asked.

"Yes, it is."

"Good because I was going to kick Nick's ass…he proposed to Mandy and she accepted."

"Nick was only trying to help."

"How is she?"

"Good. She starts work tomorrow…part time only."

They returned inside.

Sara hung the baby clothes in the now empty closet.

"Thanks Catherine."

"It was fun shopping for a boy," she said.

Sara glanced through the small outfits.

"Their beautiful," said Sara.

"Next time we'll do it together," said Catherine as she left.

She slept through the alarm. He arrived just in time to wake her. She rushed about getting dressed while he fixed a quick breakfast. She grabbed it and headed out the door but stopped and turned toward him.

"See you in a few hours," she said.

"Sara?"

She turned and looked at him.

"I love you," he said. "Have a good day."

She smiled and hurried out.

He stood there and stared at the door.

She had not said those three little words since that day in San Francisco.

He couldn't sleep.

He was too anxious to hear about her first day. He busied himself around the house picking up and doing odd jobs. He found himself walking in circles as he stared at the clock. When she did not come home on time, he began to worry. Two hours later, she came through the door.

"How was it?" he asked anxiously.

"Good…kind of slow…Jim and I had lunch," she said.

"Good," he said.

"Shouldn't you be asleep?" she asked.

"I just wanted to hear about your first day," he said feeling now on the spot.

"I could use a nap," she said. "Want to join me?"

He was asleep immediately.

She made sure the clock was set as she curled up next to him.

When she woke, he was gone.

Dinner was sitting in the oven.

She frowned.

She knew he had not slept much.

She was determined to be awake when he came home.

He found her asleep on the couch.

"Sara, you should be in bed," he said.

"I wanted to wait up for you. What time is it?" she asked.

"You have an hour or so," he said.

"Good. Tell me how was shift?" she said patting the couch.

He sat down beside her.

"Double homicide…pedestrian hit and run," he said.

"You were busy," she said.

"People tend to die at night," he said.

"Want me to fix you anything?" she asked.

He shook his head.

"I could do with a shower," he said getting up.

"Sorry but it's our turn. I have to go in early to meet with personnel on some paperwork…they left a message for me," she said. She stood and extended her hand. "We'll share with you…I have to warn you, it's kind of crowded in there," she said.

"I won't mind," he said quickly.

She was surprised when she offered to share the shower. She was still self conscious about her body but she missed him. She missed working with him. She felt his hands through her hair and she smiled.

"I could get use to this," she said. He lathered his hands and began washing her hair. He then rinsed and conditioned it. She expected him to stop there but he proceeded to wash her shoulders and she stood there as his hands glided down her body. Once she was done, he turned her around and kissed her lovingly on the lips.

"That was…the best," she said.

"We'll have to plan to do this more often," he said.

She nodded.

She stared up at him and clasped her hands around his face as she pulled him down for a kiss.

"I'll miss you," she said.

He smiled.

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"I like this…it's different…than before," she said.

The water began to turn cold.

"We should get out," he said as he turned off the water and stepped out. He handed her a towel followed by her robe. She sat down on the bed and watched as he dressed in sweats. The bed was already turned down as he got in. It was his turn to sit and watch as she dressed. She sat down on the bed and fumbled for her shoes.

"Anything wrong?" he asked.

"I lost a shoe."

He got up and grinned.

He placed the shoe on her foot.

She stared at him.

"It was there… my son was just in the way," he said softly.

"He's been doing a lot of that lately. If I drop anything I have to turn and look to the side," she said.

He knelt and tied her shoes.

"You should wear pull ons," he said.

"Sneakers are more comfortable," she said.

He bent back down and double knotted the shoelaces.

She smiled. "Thanks."

He pulled her up.

She slid into his arms.

"Sleep well," she whispered.

"Play well," he whispered.

She grinned as she left.

He slept a little better.

They celebrated her first week by inviting the others over for dinner one evening. She ordered pizzas. The others noticed the changes that were slowly taking place. Grissom seemed more rested and Sara seemed happier. Weeks went by and they fell into a routine. They managed to make time to spend together.

Sara was now confined to the lab but she did not seem to mind. She and Hodges had seemed to form a friendship. He shared his lab willingly with her and looked forward to working with her every day.

He worked a double and she smiled when she was able to assist with the evidence in his case.

"You should get off your feet," he said.

She looked down. "I can't even see my feet."

He grinned. "You look tired."

"I am."

"Want to eat at the diner before we go home?" he asked.

"I'm starving," she said.

"I think you're always starving."

He took her hand in his and they walked out. Sara was surprised by his boldness as they strolled past the others. Hodges smiled and waved as they walked by. Judy whispered to the other clerk. His hand gripped hers firmly all the way to the car and only released it to open the car door. His hand founds hers again as soon as they arrived. Once they had ordered and were sitting down in a booth, she slipped her hand from his.

"You never did that before," she said.

"Did what?" he asked.

"Held my hand in public," she said.

"Yes, I have. I hold your hand in the grocery store, the park, the doctor's office…"

"I mean in the office," she said.

"We're rarely there together," he said. He looked at her worriedly. "Did I do something wrong? I didn't think. I just wanted to…"

She smiled. "You didn't do anything wrong. It was nice…very nice."

She yawned.

"Better get you fed before you fall asleep."

"I could go for a nap," she said.

"You know, maybe you should consider maternity leave…"

"And do what? Stare at the walls?"

"Rest, sleep when you want…not make me worry so much."

She grinned. "You shouldn't worry. I'm in the lab and not in the field."

He frowned.

"What's wrong?"

"You think we're ready for this?"

"I'm thirty weeks tomorrow," she said.

"That's what I mean. He'll be here soon. I uhm talked with my attorney," he said.

She set the glass of juice down. "About what?"

"His name."

"Name?" she asked confused.

"I just wanted to make sure he has my last name on his birth certificate."

"Oh," she said quietly.

"That's okay with you…isn't it?"

"Yes," she said.

He wasn't sure if he believed her.

Their food appeared and both seemed grateful as they began to eat.

He waited until she was almost done to pick up the subject again.

"We never talked about this but I just want to make sure that if anything happens to me, both of you are taken care of."

Her fork immediately fell to the plate.

"Don't say that! Nothing is going to happen to you," she said.

"I've updated my will and…"

"Stop it!" She yelled as she got up and headed out the door. He quickly paid the bill and then went after her. She had already walked back over to the lab and was unlocking her door when he ran after her.

"Sara! Sara, wait!"

She opened the door but he held it.

"Sara, stop."

She stood there heaving.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you," he said as he stepped closer towards her.

He waited for her to compose herself.

She was winded from the sprint across the street.

His hand rubbed her back.

"I'm sorry," he said once again.

"I don't want to ever talk about…never want you to ever say…don't ever want to lose you," she said as she hit him on the chest between sobs.

"I'm sorry," he said again.

She grabbed him then, pulling him as close as she could.

She kissed him as if she needed his kiss to sustain her.

He said nothing when she cursed at him once more.

"Forgive me?" he asked.

She nodded slowly.

"I'm not going anyway…just want to take of you…both of you," he said quietly.

"Don't know what I would do without you," she said.

"You would survive. You're a survivor Sara."

He felt her fist on his chest once more.

It hurt.

"Sorry," she mumbled. "I know I can take care of myself. I don't need you to take care of me. I need you because I love you…not the reverse."

He kissed her on the forehead.

"I should go back and get the car," he said as he slowly released her.

He turned and looked at her.

"See you at home?" he asked.

"Home…our home," she whispered.

He smiled at her as he turned away.

Note from author:

I think Sara has changed…

Leave a review.

Take care,

Penny


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter Thirty three:**

She got into her car and he watched as she drove away. When he arrived home, she acted as though it had never happened. He found her putting away the dishes from the dish washer. He stepped into the kitchen and looked at her unsure if she was still angry.

He pulled out the mail and found two manila envelopes addressed to her.

"You have mail," he said.

"Open it," she said. "I want to finish this."

"One is from the personnel office in San Francisco," he said. "The other is from a law firm. You sure you want me to open this?"

"Yes."

He opened it and glanced at her.

"Personnel sent you a check for one hundred thousand dollars…Ben's life insurance."

She continued to put away the dishes.

He opened the other envelope and sighed. "Sara, it's from the law firm handling the estate of Thomas Parker. They want you to contact them about the settlement. You were the only beneficiary."

"I don't want it."

"It's estimated over half a million dollars."

"They can give it the families of the victims. I want nothing from him."

"You want my attorney to respond to them?"

"Yes."

He put the check back into the envelope and placed it on the counter.

"Ben was a good man. He took good care of you," said Grissom softly.

"I trusted him like I trust you."

"I'm sorry it's been so hard on you," he said.

He started to walk away when he stopped dead in his tracks.

"You said trust….you trust me?"

"Yes I do," she said as she put the last dish away.

"I trust you…with my life…with my heart…don't break it again," she said.

He grabbed her then and held her tight.

"I won't. I promise. I won't ever hurt you again," he managed to get out.

"Good…could you give your son some room? He's kicking me," she said.

He smiled.

They ate in bed.

It was just sandwiches but they enjoyed the time together in bed.

"I like this," she said. "We rarely ever spent any time talking or sitting in bed."

"I remember," he said with a grin. "I do have fond memories of those times."

She returned his grin. "I think that's why I'm in this condition."

"I'm glad," he said kissing the palm of her hand.

"You don't mind that we haven't…uhm you know…"

"I can wait," he said. "You waited for me…a very long time. I was such a fool."

"Yes you were," she said as a matter of fact.

He frowned. "You could have disagreed a little…make me feel not so…"

"Be quiet Gilbert. By the way, we are not naming him Gilbert."

"I agree. What are we going to call him?"

"We need to come up with a name," she said quietly.

"Didn't you have any picked out?"

"I was going to name him Benjamin Thomas Sidle."

Their eyes locked.

"Benjamin Grissom isn't so bad," he said.

"I don't want to call him Benjamin," she said.

"Sara, I don't mind."

"I do."

He was quiet.

"Ben was opposed to it also. It was his father's name. He uhm abandoned them."

"I loved my father," said Grissom.

"What was he like?" asked Sara.

"He was a…botonist…always had his head in a book but he loved us. He would sit and talk with me about botany. Most of the time, I had no idea what he was saying. It made me want to learn. I did. I read every book he brought into the house. He uhm used to let me sit and watch him while he worked. I would sit for hours and try to imagine what it would be like…to be him."

"What happened… to him?" she asked.

"He uhm hadn't been feeling well. At the time I didn't really notice…neither did mom until…he laid down on the couch and took a nap. Mom told me not to make any noise…let him sleep. When it was dinner time, she finally let me go in there to wake him. I couldn't wake him. My mother made me go to my room and stay there. I thought they were going to take him to the hospital. No one would tell me anything. I looked out the window and saw the medics carrying something underneath a sheet. His hand fell out and I then realized it was my father."

He stopped talking.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"My mother never got over that," he said.

He suddenly looked at her.

"It's okay," she said. "No more egg shells. I loved Ben and he's gone."

She felt his hand quiver and she held it.

"I loved you first. I loved you the moment I saw you. I loved Ben differently…like Nick. He deserved to be loved completely. I couldn't. I love you….always have…always will," she said.

She kissed him.

"Ben would be happy that we are not naming our son after him," she said.

He nodded.

"I'm still not using your name," she said.

He grinned.

"I thought about naming him after Brass," she said suddenly.

"Brass Grissom," he said.

"Not exactly," she said. "I thought I would call him James."

"Jim would have a big head."

She smiled. "Do you have a preference?"

"Matthew," said Grissom.

"Matthew James Grissom," she said.

"Not bad….at least he wouldn't have to go through life with a name like 'Gilbert.'"

She laughed.

He leaned over and kissed her.

She fell asleep and when she woke, he was no longer in the bed. She stepped out and found him outside in the flower garden.

He smiled when he saw her on the deck.

"Come here," he said. "I have something to show you."

She walked out and stood beside him.

He pointed to the bud on the rose bush.

"It's going to bloom," he said.

She stared at the rose bush.

She had given up hope but Grissom had been patient.

"It just needed someone to nurture it," she said. "Like our relationship…I was ready to give up but not you."

She turned away from him.

He felt a weight on his chest when she turned away.

He thought she would be happy that the rose bush was going to survive.

He was not expecting this reaction.

"Sara?"

"I love you…love you so much," she whispered.

He held her in his embrace.

"I love you…always have…"

"Always will," she finished for him.

He did what he had not done in years and called in sick.

It was a lie.

He just wanted to be with her.

She lay there curled up next to him.

"I can't believe you called in sick," she said.

"I wanted to be with you," he said.

"I uhm didn't mean to hurt you when we went to San Francisco," she said.

"You didn't."

"You proposed and I said I couldn't."

"That was not your fault. It was mine. I should have asked years ago."

"I'm glad you didn't," she said.

"Are you telling me now you would have turned me down?"

"No…we just understand each other better…this past month has been the best," she said.

"So…are you telling me if I proposed now, you would say yes?"

"You haven't asked," she said.

He rolled over to face her. "I'm asking. Will you marry me?"

"It's not as romantic as the first time you asked me but…yes, I'll marry you."

He swallowed hard. "You said yes?"

"Yes."

He stared at her.

"Gil?"

"Wait….don't move," he said as he turned on the small lamp and then opened the drawer to the bedside table. He pulled out a small black box. He rolled back over and handed it to her.

She opened it and gasped.

"I bought that years ago…been waiting for the right moment to give it to you. I had it with me that day in San Francisco."

He took the ring out of the box and slid it on her finger.

"It's beautiful."

"Marry me," he said.

"I said yes."

"No, marry me now."

"Now?"

"Yes, right now."

"Uhm…"

"Why wait? Let's get dressed, call Brass to meet us downtown and get married."

"You're kidding, right?"

"No."

They grinned at one another.

They smiled when he drove up and stared at them.

He looked inside the diner and then back at them.

"You could have gone inside and gotten us a table," he said.

"We have something better," said Grissom.

"Better than the diner food?" grinned Brass.

"Come with us."

He stood there grinning from ear to ear as they said their vows. All he could think about was how quickly he could get to the lab and tell the others what he had witnessed on his dinner break. He chuckled at the look on their faces when they kissed each other making it official. There were pictures taken and then they were back at the diner.

"I can't believe you're having dinner at the diner on your honeymoon," said Brass. "I can't imagine how he proposed to you?"

"In bed…it was sweet," she said. "The diner was my idea."

"Your idea?"

"I had a craving for their vegetarian lasagna and a strawberry shake."

Brass chuckled. "I'm happy for both of you."

She reached over and took some fries from Grissom's plate.

"Should you be doing that?" he asked. "Your OB nurse is going to mention your weight…"

Her hand held the fry suspended in the air.

"You think there's something wrong with my weight?" she asked suddenly.

"No, I just…"

Brass chuckled. "He's clueless when it comes to relationships. Don't hurt him Sara. He doesn't know that you should never tell your wife that she's gained too many pounds."

Sara gawked at Brass.

"You think I've gained too much?"

Brass squirmed.

"Of course not," he said nervously. "I just meant…"

Grissom grinned. "Now who's clueless?"

Brass said nothing as he quickly stuck a roll in his mouth.

"I owe you a honeymoon," said Grissom softly.

"It can wait," she said.

"Don't wait too long," said Brass.

"We could take a week," offered Grissom.

"And do what? I'm way too pregnant to enjoy…" she stopped when she glanced at Brass.

"You're seriously not going to discuss this with me here?" asked Brass.

"It can wait," she said trying to hide the smirk.

Grissom smiled. "I love you pregnant."

"I'll be glad when it's over," she said. "I can't see my feet any more. I can't find anything that I drop. Sleeping is getting difficult. I shake the entire bed every time I try to roll over."

Grissom smiled. "I like sleeping with both of you."

She smiled her Sidle smile.

He couldn't keep his eyes from her.

"What?" she finally asked.

"I love that smile," he said.

It made her smile more.

"This is getting too gooey for me," said Brass as he stood and picked up the check.

He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

"Have a nice night kiddos," he chuckled as he left.

Note from author:

I am going to post the rest of the story today so please be kind and leave a review for each chapter!

Take care,

Penny


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter Thirty Four:**

He left her.

She stood there as she went into labor seeing the remnants of his packing.

There were a few shirts left lying on the bed which he had discarded from the suitcase.

He had packed quickly.

_Probably trying to avoid me…_

_Didn't want to go through the whole goodbye scene…_

She braced herself in the doorway as the contraction hit.

It was her fault.

She had told him to go.

In fact, she had demanded it.

She had all but packed his clothes for him.

He had sat there and given a hundred different reasons why he should not leave but she refused to listen.

She threatened to throw him out.

It had been quite a scene that had played out in their bedroom to the driveway and then to the lab.

The others had stayed clear of the fight.

"I don't want to leave," he said.

"You're going," she said.

"Sara…please," he begged.

"This award is a once in a lifetime…few crime scene investigators get it…you're going," she said.

"They can send it to me," he said.

"You're going. I've booked your flight," she said with arms crossed.

"Come with me," he said.

"Sorry but I can't fly," she said patting her stomach.

"Sara…"

"I mean it," she said. "When I come home this evening I don't want to see you there."

"But…"

"Gilbert!"

Eyes shot up.

"Yes dear?"

It made her smile.

"He's not due for four weeks," she said.

He sighed.

She purposely pulled him as close as her abdomen would allow.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you," he said.

She made herself walk the mall as she glanced at her watch every now and then.

_He's in the air right now…_

She sat down on a bench and rubbed her back. It had been hurting for most of the day.

It was nothing new.

Her body resented the burden of carrying a child.

Her shoes no longer fit.

Her ankles were swollen most days.

She slept fitfully these days as she tried to find a comfortable spot.

Her favorite was sleeping on Grissom while they sat on the couch.

"No sleeping tonight," she said. "Just you and me."

It made her sad.

She had not been alone since she returned to Vegas.

She ate in the mall but it had made her ill.

It could have been the ice cream followed by the sweet potato fries and veggie burger stuffed with pickles.

She scowled.

The nurse had turned vicious about her weight.

She was glad when she stepped into the townhouse.

She wanted nothing more than to sit down on the couch and prop up her feet.

She decided a snack was necessary.

As she stood there with the pop sickle in her mouth she felt the warm liquid rush down her legs.

At first glance, she thought she had spilt something.

Panic set in quickly.

_Don't panic…_

_Just pick up the phone…_

_Call Griss…_

_Shit…_

She made her way to the bedroom intent to clean up while she called for an ambulance.

One look at the shirts on the bed made her cry.

_I told him to go…_

_He's gone…_

_I'm alone…_

_In labor…_

"Get yourself together!" she yelled at herself.

She did.

She picked up the phone and called for an ambulance.

She then showered and dressed in clean clothes.

Once the ambulance arrived, another contraction had come and gone.

She seemed too calm as she opened the door and let them in.

"I packed a bag…my husband actually packed it weeks ago," she said as she pointed toward the couch but then gawked at the medic.

"Any contractions?" asked Hank.

"Yes…You're not touching me," she said.

The other medic looked at him.

"We dated," he said quickly.

"You were already involved with someone else and was cheating on her," yelled Sara.

Hank's face turned red.

The other medic chuckled.

"She left me…for another guy," he said.

"You're not touching me," she said with arms crossed.

A contraction began and she doubled over.

The other medic, Chris, grabbed her by the arm. Hank attempted to grab her other side but she pointed at him and he stepped back.

"Touch me and…"

"I'm not touching you!" he assured her.

"Miss…."

"Her name is Sara," said Hank.

"Oh that Sara," said Chris.

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Sara.

"He brags about his conquests," said Chris.

"I was no conquest!" she yelled. "He never…we never…I would never…ohhhhh that hurts," she wailed.

"We need to get you to the hospital," said Chris.

She insisted on getting into the ambulance on her own despite Hank's attempts to help. Chris covered her as she lay back.

She glared at Hank. "Touch me and I'll…"

His hands remained in the air as Chris continued to chuckle.

"Can we call anyone?" asked Chris.

"Yes…Jim Brass."

Her attentions returned to Hank.

"Conquest? Remember Brass? He's the god father of this baby. Wait until he hears about your so called conquest. I'll have him kick your…."

The rest was muffled by her moan as another contraction hit.

"I think you better stay clear of this Brass guy," laughed Chris.

GSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSR

"Hey, have you heard? Sara's gone into labor!" yelled Hodges to the unit.

They stared at Catherine and then scrambled out of the break room.

"Cath…"

"Go! I'll have Judy call us if there's a case," she yelled.

"What about Grissom?" asked Greg as they hurried.

"It's too late. His plane has already left," said Nick.

"You can't be serious!" yelled Warrick.

"The baby is not due for weeks!" said Catherine.

"You think something is wrong?" asked Nick.

"I think this baby has decided to come on his terms," said Catherine.

"Must take after Sara," said Greg.

"Grissom," said Nick.

"I think he'll be like both," said Warrick.

"You just said that cause we agreed to have no baby pools," said Nick.

"We didn't agree. Sara threatened us," said Greg.

"Yeah, well when it comes to pregnant women you don't want to cross them," said Nick. "My sweet sister turned into a vicious…"

"Hey, isn't that Grissom?" yelled Warrick as he pointed at the diner.

They crowded into the diner entrance and he knew he had been spotted.

He cursed.

_Sara is going to have my hide…_

_I couldn't leave…_

_Not again…._

_Even if she wanted me to…_

_I couldn't stand the thought of being away from her…_

_From him…_

"Don't tell her," he said quickly.

"Why are you here?" asked Catherine.

"I couldn't…go," he said.

"Sara is in labor!" said Greg.

"What!"

"Come with us," said Catherine.

She grabbed Brass's hand and squeezed when the contraction hit again.

He tried not to wince but her grip was hard.

"Sara…"

"Why did he listen to me?" she wailed.

"Well, he…"

"He rarely does," she said. "He slips around and does the laundry because he doesn't want me to lift the basket…he has all but hidden the garden tools…I can't even walk out there without him yanking me down into a chair…he insists on driving…I can't even unload the dishwasher…he took over cooking…wait he did that before…do you think my cooking is bad?"

"Well, I…"

"It doesn't matter. He won't let me cook, clean, forget vacuuming…he even hid the broom."

He closed his eyes when another contraction hit and he heard his knuckles pop from the force of her hand.

"Why listen to me now?"

"Well, he…"

"Exactly! He leaves when I'm about to give birth to our…"

She stopped as the next contraction hit.

Brass tried to slip his hand from hers when her grip eased but he was not fast enough. Another contraction came and went.

He lost the feeling in his hands.

He thought it was a blessing until she grabbed his wrist and held on.

"Sara, I…"

"Have you tried to call him?" she asked.

"I uhm…"

"His phone is probably off…he's in the air," she said.

Grissom stepped into the room and grinned.

"Glad I didn't listen?" he asked.

They stared at him.

"You were supposed to be on your way to New York," she said.

"I couldn't leave," he said.

"You never listen to me!" she yelled.

He looked shell shocked.

"Sara…"

"I thought we had worked through this but no…..you can't seem to listen to me!"

"I listen!" he yelled back.

"Oh yeah? Well, why aren't you on that plane?" she asked gripping Brass's arm as she prepared for another contraction.

"Sara, I…"

A contraction hit.

It was much more forceful.

It scared her.

It hurt Brass.

Grissom was immediately there by her side.

He shoved Brass out of the way as he took her hand.

"Breathe through it…that's it," he said as he rubbed her back.

It ended and she lay back panting.

Her grip tightened as she felt another one.

"Griss, something is wrong," she managed to get out.

Brass scurried out and returned with a nurse.

"The contractions are coming too close," Grissom said.

The nurse smiled. "I think we're ready to deliver this baby."

"No! I have four more weeks," yelled Sara. "He's just like…"

"You can't blame this on me. It took me years to get around to even…"

The contraction began again.

Brass inched his way to the door.

"Jim!"

He stopped dead in his tracks.

"Yes Sara?"

"Tell them, he's not due for several weeks."

"Well, I…"

"Sara, he's just like you. You have no patience. He's coming now," said Grissom.

"I have patience!"

"Actually, you don't," said Grissom.

"Yes, I….oh that hurts," she said.

He became fearful.

"There was no contraction. Why is she feeling pain?" he yelled at the nurse.

"The baby wants to be delivered now. He's probably…"

"Get a doctor in here now!" yelled Grissom.

Brass headed toward the door again.

"I'm patient! Isn't that right, Jim?"

He stopped.

He sighed.

This was his fault.

He had done nothing but try to get them together for years and now here they were married and having a child. He would soon have a god son. The last few months had been trying but they had survived. They made great strides in their relationship as the unit became their extended family.

They had molded and bonded.

They were his family.

He decided to treat them as such.

He turned and smiled.

"You have no patience and you're more stubborn than a mule," said Brass.

She stared at him.

"As for you," said Brass pointing at Grissom. "You don't listen. You've let her get away with way too much these past few weeks. She's spoiled. Now deal with it!"

He turned to leave but stopped.

"Sara, I'm going to track down Hank…no one talks about my family like that. As for Gil's lack of listening, there is a God in Heaven! He heard my prayers. I don't think I would have survived the delivery. Gil, watch her grip…if you want to use your hand…mine is still numb. Love you kiddo."

They still stared in disbelief when the door opened and shut.

"I think he hasn't had his coffee yet," said Sara.

"He was a bit cranky…what's this about Hank?" he asked.

"Jim will handle it," she said with a smile.

A contraction came.

He decided to switch sides.

He needed his hand for paperwork.

Note from author:

Leave a review!


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter Thirty Five:**

The delivery was uneventful.

He came quickly.

He cried once; only because the room was cold.

He stared into unfamiliar eyes but he knew the voices.

He stared at each of them.

They both held their breath as his eyes fluttered a few times before he slept.

"He's beautiful," she whispered.

"He's ours," said Grissom. "All ten fingers and toes."

"Isn't he just perfect?" she whispered.

"Yes, he is," said Grissom as he kissed her on the forehead.

"I'm glad you didn't listen," she said.

"Me too," he said.

"That makes three of us," said Brass.

Both of them looked at him.

"What? No smiles for the godfather?" he asked.

"Have you had your coffee?" asked Sara.

"Better than that, I found Hank," he said with a smile.

Sara's smile spread across her face.

"What is this about Hank?" asked Grissom.

"Nothing," said Sara. "Would you like to hold your God son?"

"That's why I'm here," he said as he held out his arms only to be pushed aside.

"Not before the God mom gets to hold him," said Catherine as she took the baby.

Brass frowned.

"He's a handsome fellow," said Catherine. "Going to break a lot of hearts."

"Not if he takes after Sara," said Grissom softly.

Her hand slipped into his.

"I won't mind if he takes after his father. His father has a kind heart…very selective…but loyal…very nurturing."

Grissom smiled.

"I think I've been forgiven for a lot of things," he said.

"Can I hold him now?" asked Brass.

"In a minute. Hey we passed Hank…nice job," said Catherine chuckling.

"Is anybody going to tell me about Hank?" asked Grissom.

Brass and Sara exchanged glances.

The guys walked in.

"Mind if we see the little tyke before we have to go?" asked Nick.

"Judy just called," said Warrick.

They groaned.

"Hey, he looks just like Grissom," said Greg.

"No, he doesn't. He looks like Sara," said Nick.

"How can you tell?" asked Greg.

"See the way his lips curl up…and the nose," said Nick.

"No way, look at his eyes… and the way he's staring at me as if I just got caught doing something," said Greg. "That's Grissom. I get those looks all the time."

Warrick looked at the baby. "I think he looks like both of them. He has Grissom's eyes and Sara's nose…he does have that curl to his smile…going to have that Sidle smile."

"Sorry to break it up guys but we have to go," said Catherine as she handed the baby to Brass.

"Good, I didn't think they were ever going to leave," said Brass as he sat down in a chair with the baby.

"Between you and me kid, you look like your father but I hope you take after your mother."

Grissom frowned as Sara laughed.

"Now, let's talk about the name," said Brass grinning.

Grissom looked at Sara. "I told you he was going to get a big head."

"Let's talk about honeymoons," said Sara.

"Honeymoon?" asked Grissom.

"We didn't have one," she said. "So in eight weeks…"

He smiled.

Brass blushed.

He handed the baby to Sara.

"I think I'll go help the gang out," he said.

"I didn't think he would ever leave," grinned Grissom.

"A conversation about sex usually does the trick," she said.

"We were talking about honeymoons," he said.

"We were?' she asked.

"You said…" he stopped.

She smiled.

"I thought we agreed no more cryptic messages," he chided.

"Honeymoons normally consist of the man and the woman…"

"Where do you want to go…not far I hope…I mean don't you think we waited long enough?" he asked quickly.

"Eight weeks," she said.

"What about the baby?" he asked.

"We'll leave him with his god parents," she said.

He looked at her odd.

"You would just leave him…"

"At the townhouse…we would be somewhere here in town," she said.

He grinned.

"It's a date…a honeymoon," he said.

"Gil?"

"Hmmm?"

"Pick a hotel that's close to the townhouse," she said. "I don't want to be far from him."

He grinned. "I will."

"The rose bush is in full bloom," she said.

"I knew it would," he said.

"It just needed someone to nurture it," she said.

"It needed both of us to nurture it," he said.

They both smiled.

The End.

**Epilogue:**

It had been a long time as he nervously fumbled with the card key to the room. Once it was unlocked, he quickly pulled her inside throwing the overnight bag into the chair. He grabbed the "do not disturb" sign and threw it around the door handle before locking the door.

"Griss…"

She didn't finish as his lips devoured hers.

She gasped for air and smiled when she felt him guiding her to the bed.

"Griss…"

His hands were already removing her clothes.

She didn't mind.

She was just as anxious as he was.

They had almost made love in their bathroom the other night but Matthew had interrupted them. Both had been frustrated but as soon as they held him, thoughts of lovemaking were put aside to tend to his needs. They had become a slave to him. One whimper and they were there by his side.

"Griss…"

He had managed to strip her of her clothing as she tugged on his.

He assisted her.

No one could say that Gil Grissom was not efficient when it came to making love.

Within seconds, the bed gave way to their weight as he gently pushed her back. He quickly began an assault with his lips. They began with hers and then trailed down her neck and then her breasts.

She moaned.

He grinned.

His hands had not been idle.

He purposely dipped his fingers gently inside her and her body jerked from the sheer sensation.

He grinned.

"Griss…"

His other hand was busy stroking her cheek as his lips found hers.

His tongue darted in and out and she moaned once more.

His lips released hers and he whispered softly.

"You wanted to say something?"

"I did?"

"You've been saying my name."

He poised himself just above her.

"I just wanted to say…I love you."

He smiled.

"I love you too."

With each kiss, he eased himself slowly inside her. He attempted to go slow but she wanted no part of it.

"Patience," he whispered.

"I have been patient!"

He chuckled.

"Gil?"

"Hmmm?"

"I'm not going to break," she said.

"I don't want to hurt you," he said softly.

"You're not. I trust you," she said.

"Sara?"

"Yes?"

"Did I thank you for giving me Matthew?"

"Yes…you did. You uhm cried when you first held him…I'll never forget that."

He started to move inside her and she urged him to pick up the pace.

He plunged deeply and she met his thrust with equal force. They both knew that neither would last long. Soon they lay there panting.

"That was…"

"Nurturing," he said.

"Nurturing?' she asked.

"Yes…I felt your soul…with mine…"

She gulped back a wave of emotion.

"You have a way with words when you use them."

"I like to show than tell."

She grinned.

"I think we have time…a few more hours," she said.

"Miss him?"

"Yes but we needed this," she said.

He nodded.

"Good thing we have lots of baby sitters."

"Nick and Mandy want to keep him next," she said with a grin.

"Their wedding is in a few weeks," he said.

"They're planning to start a family immediately," she said.

"Good. Family life would be good for Nick."

"Just need to work on the others…you know Catherine and Brass…"

"Stop with the matchmaking. Besides, I know something that you don't," he said with a grin.

She propped up her head.

"Out with it!"

"Catherine and Warrick are seeing one another."

"I knew that…I was going to say Catherine and Brass were already seeing someone…I didn't think you knew about Catherine and Warrick…but that's good…we just need to work on Greg."

"Wait. Jim is seeing someone?"

"Yes," she said with a smile.

"Who?"

"Heather Kessler."

Grissom stared in disbelief.

"How do you know?"

"She delivered a baby gift…we started talking. She's very nice," she said stroking his chest.

He kissed the palm of her hand.

"Greg has always been in love with you," said Grissom.

"No, he hasn't. He just likes to tease. He's interested in this girl that works on day shift."

"No doubt you'll become good friends with her."

"Just want to make sure she's right for him."

He grinned.

She straddled his waist as she leaned down and kissed him.

"Recovered?" she asked.

He pulled her back down on the bed and straddled her.

"Let's find out."

Note from author:

Thanks for reading along. I am so glad that so many of you take the time to read and review each chapter. I am going to be spending the rest of the week and part of next week on my out of town trip. It's another ghost hunt. When I return, I will be posting another story! In the meantime, have wonderful thoughts and dreams about GSR….

Take care,

Penny


End file.
